To Nurses Who Bully: A Message That Needs to Be Heard

Updated:   Published

Nursing is a profession built on compassion, respect, and care — not just for our patients, but for each other. When bullying happens among nurses, it breaks down the very foundation of what nursing stands for.

You may have forgotten, but every nurse was once a beginner. We all had shaky hands, unsure voices, and moments of doubt. No one becomes strong by tearing someone else down.

Bullying isn't leadership. It isn't toughness. It's a betrayal of the oath we took to advocate, support, and heal. When you bully, you create fear instead of teamwork, silence instead of learning, and pain where there should be encouragement.

"Nurses eat their young" should never be a tradition — it should be a warning that something needs to change.

If you've bullied someone, it's not too late to reflect, apologize, and do better. Real strength is shown in kindness. True leadership lifts others up.

Be the nurse you once needed.  Be the colleague who heals with words, not wounds. 

heron said:

Close but not quite. Born in NH, raised in MA. Genetically unable to pronounce an "r".

Ah...

Specializes in Hospice.
offlabel said:

Ah...

That's it! Straight outta rural New England.

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
Ruby Vee said:

And there are some who cannot take any feedback that isn't a glowing endorsement of their wonderfulness.

Had this recently with a student. Serious issues of safety and working outside of the scope of a student nurse. I was 'just being mean' because I bluntly told him I would not allow any student to put my patients at risk. 

Pretty much every nurse that was assigned to preceptor him had negative feedback, yet the student continued to believe in their amazingness and that we were all being mean

Specializes in CEN, Firefighter/Paramedic.
Tenebrae said:

Had this recently with a student. Serious issues of safety and working outside of the scope of a student nurse. I was 'just being mean' because I bluntly told him I would not allow any student to put my patients at risk. 

Pretty much every nurse that was assigned to preceptor him had negative feedback, yet the student continued to believe in their amazingness and that we were all being mean

You know.. I can't pass a color vision test, I'm also short, old, and about 30 pounds overweight.  No one would dare argue that I have any business being a fighter pilot or navy seal.. 

One of societies greatest current downfalls is the insistence that anyone can be anything they want to be just because they want to do it.  

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
FiremedicMike said:

You know.. I can't pass a color vision test, I'm also short, old, and about 30 pounds overweight.  No one would dare argue that I have any business being a fighter pilot or navy seal.. 

One of societies greatest current downfalls is the insistence that anyone can be anything they want to be just because they want to do it.  

Dam it you mean I cant be leader of all the world. 😂

Seriously though and I've said it all along, this kid has the potential to be an amazing nurse. They need to do alot of work on themselves first and stop being a perpetual victim. 

Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.

The American society is not really a good example of meritocracy.  

I have neither bullied anyone nor have I ever allowed anyone to bully me. I learned to be assertive and aggressive working in ER-TRAUMA. I didn't take any BS from the doctors, not once. I called them out on it and we talked and straightened out our differences. Bullies exist in every corner of life, home, job etc etc. So you just need to learn how to handle it. It's never going away. Anytime you get a group of people together You're going to have lions and lambs. Never sacrifice your emotions to anyone else. I have even pulled doctors aside If I felt I was being abused, or more particularly my staff. I always did it in private in a calm cool man not in front of other people. I used to be quite shy and retiring but becoming charge nurse in a trauma center changed all that! This advice however is forever area you are working in. Just take them aside, be calm, then tell them how you feel. Don't hold anything back but do it softly. Why? Because when you raise your voice no one listens, they shut their ears. Speak softly and carry a big stick. Use your vocabulary and not foul language. Which unfortunately some people do. Just remember one thing, we all pull our pants on one leg at a time. No one is better than you. So don't go around thinking you are lesser, people  who are bullies will pick up on it and act accordingly. They know the buttons to push. Don't ever let them push them.

toomuchbaloney said:

The American society is not really a good example of meritocracy.  

Well, name a better one. If you're just talking about socially engineered 'meritocracy', I'd agree. Public education, much of the military, many city, state and national government offices, heavily federally regulated health care institutions. Horrible. You're right. The NBA? NFL? NHL? Private industry/business (to include some areas of healthcare)?  It's the best example of 'meritocracy' in the history of civilization.

Specializes in Hospice.
offlabel said:

Well, name a better one. If you're just talking about socially engineered 'meritocracy', I'd agree. Public education, much of the military, many city, state and national government offices, heavily federally regulated health care institutions. Horrible. You're right. The NBA? NFL? NHL? Private industry/business (to include some areas of healthcare)?  It's the best example of 'meritocracy' in the history of civilization.

The quality of healthcare in this country has been declining while the costs have blown up steadily since the 70's - when the for-profit model started being marketed as lowering costs while increasing efficiency and quality of care.

Meritocracy as practiced today n the US just incentivizes cheating. Think Enron and WorldCom.

So, riddle me this: what merits are demonstrated in American meritocracy?

heron said:

The quality of healthcare in this country has been declining while the costs have blown up steadily since the 70's - when the for-profit model started being marketed as lowering costs while increasing efficiency and quality of care.

Meritocracy as practiced today n the US just incentivizes cheating. Think Enron and WorldCom.

So, riddle me this: what merits are demonstrated in American meritocracy?

Merit, in the worldly sense which I assume we're talking about, has to do with material gain and the freedom and satisfaction of pursuing a way of life. So ask any small business person who works hard, makes a passable living and says they never 'work' a day in their life and you have at least a general idea of American meritocracy. 

I know very well that the above idea is offensive to many people because it is rooted in ideals of the American Revolution and displaces the power of ideas from the powerful to the person on the street willing to sacrifice, defer gratification and succeed. It is what it is...

Oh...and if it's cheating you're concerned about, look no further than the Soviet Union or the CCP. Yes, there are evil people.

Health care? Compared to 50 years ago, the mortality from cancer and heart disease (just to name 2) has vastly decreased. What metric are you using when you say the quality of health care is declining?

 

Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.

The average American lifespan has shortened.  Vaccination rates are dropping.  Preventable disease is on the rise.  A significant percentage of the population suffers under crushing debt and even bankruptcy from medical costs.  Tens of millions of Americans don't access health care because they can't afford the co-pays and deductible costs after they pay a monthly premium for access.  

None of those things speak to a successful health system.  

Specializes in Hospice.
offlabel said:

Merit, in the worldly sense which I assume we're talking about, has to do with material gain and the freedom and satisfaction of pursuing a way of life. So ask any small business person who works hard, makes a passable living and says they never 'work' a day in their life and you have at least a general idea of American meritocracy. 

I know very well that the above idea is offensive to many people because it is rooted in ideals of the American Revolution and displaces the power of ideas from the powerful to the person on the street willing to sacrifice, defer gratification and succeed. It is what it is...

Oh...and if it's cheating you're concerned about, look no further than the Soviet Union or the CCP. Yes, there are evil people.

Health care? Compared to 50 years ago, the mortality from cancer and heart disease (just to name 2) has vastly decreased. What metric are you using when you say the quality of health care is declining?

 

First, from my reading of your posts in this thread, we have opposite viewpoints on the nature and effects of " American meritocracy". While I intend to respond to your post and explain my own, I decline to go further down this rabbit hole in a thread about bullying.

I come by my opinion on the decline of quality healthcare from 50 years of providing it and 75 years of receiving it. I lived through the changeover in the 70's to for-profit models of financing and delivering care. I am not academic and numbers make my eyes bleed, so I cannot pretend to be authoritative about the metrics you presented, but here's a few to look up in addition:

Maternal and child health, national and worldwide.

Access: who gets it and who doesn't

Preventive care/health maintenance: who gets it and who doesn't

Costs and efficiency.

Social and class differences in the quality of care provided.

Meanwhile, I'm struck by the fact that I cited large corporations while you countered with small businesses. Two very different animals.

If you want to continue this, I suggest starting a separate thread, perhaps over in the  breakroom.

 

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