Nursing is a profession built on compassion, respect, and care — not just for our patients, but for each other. When bullying happens among nurses, it breaks down the very foundation of what nursing stands for.
You may have forgotten, but every nurse was once a beginner. We all had shaky hands, unsure voices, and moments of doubt. No one becomes strong by tearing someone else down.
Bullying isn't leadership. It isn't toughness. It's a betrayal of the oath we took to advocate, support, and heal. When you bully, you create fear instead of teamwork, silence instead of learning, and pain where there should be encouragement.
"Nurses eat their young" should never be a tradition — it should be a warning that something needs to change.
If you've bullied someone, it's not too late to reflect, apologize, and do better. Real strength is shown in kindness. True leadership lifts others up.
Be the nurse you once needed. Be the colleague who heals with words, not wounds.
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Tweety said:
Good post.
"Nurses Eat Their Young" is a vile phrase that should go away and is not true. It's disrespectful of us to brand our profession this way. 99% of us are not bullies just trying to make it through our day the best we can.
This is hysterical and so amazingly archetypical of the precise attitude this post is targeting.
Tweety, do you really believe this post is saying that bullying in nursing really isn't a thing, and that people should stop saying it? Could anyone who can read come away with that understanding? You're forgetting this the internet, where passive aggressively pretending to be oblivious to the situation at hand in order to force your point of view doesn't work, because we don't know or care who you are.
if you genuinely believe bullying in nursing is overhyped, that's a totally fine opinion to have. However, you tell on yourself big time when you seemingly are unable to directly confront the OP's point of view with a genuine response. What it says is "I have no argument against this but I'm compelled to be defensive anyway, so…”
This is hysterical and so amazingly archetypical of the precise attitude this post is targeting.
Tweety, do you really believe this post is saying that bullying in nursing really isn't a thing, and that people should stop saying it? Could anyone who can read come away with that understanding? You're forgetting this the internet, where passive aggressively pretending to be oblivious to the situation at hand in order to force your point of view doesn't work, because we don't know or care who you are.
if you genuinely believe bullying in nursing is overhyped, that's a totally fine opinion to have. However, you tell on yourself big time when you seemingly are unable to directly confront the OP's point of view with a genuine response. What it says is "I have no argument against this but I'm compelled to be defensive anyway, so…”
Why do you have to wonder? Why aren't you able to say what you mean?
I can tell you right now: it's the bullies who need to resort to passive aggressiveness in order to get their point across. I can be straight and assertive with how I communicate, because I'm not operating in bad faith.
DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. This is the classic abuser strategy, and it is completely valid to point out how denying there is a problem IS a symptom of the problem. And you are implying that I am the bully here, correct? Well...
Why do you have to wonder? Why aren't you able to say what you mean?
I can tell you right now: it's the bullies who need to resort to passive aggressiveness in order to get their point across. I can be straight and assertive with how I communicate, because I'm not operating in bad faith.
DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. This is the classic abuser strategy, and it is completely valid to point out how denying there is a problem IS a symptom of the problem. And you are implying that I am the bully here, correct? Well...
I am implying you might be the bully, here, along with our hit and run OP. The indicators that make me suspicious:
- deceptive editing of tweety's post.
- the overall attitude of superiority, AEB the use of jargon not supported by the text you're quoting
- the overuse of accusatory and dismissive labelling
- the obvious attempt to make your point solely by trying to make tweety feel bad about himself
AN is basically a short-form forum. It's difficult to discuss a subject as complex as the dynamics of bullying without over-generalizing. Personally, I agree that bullying in nursing is as real as it is in every work setting. Bullying is essentially a human dominance display not much different from poop-slinging in chimps. It arises from a need to control the social environment and probably written into our DNA.
Bullies, like the poor, we always have with us, on and off the job. I agree with the OP that it behooves us old fahts to remember where we came from. But there's a reciprocal responsibility for the young'uns to be realistic about where they are coming from, too. You get the respect - and the compassion -you give.
I am implying you might be the bully, here, along with our hit and run OP. The indicators that make me suspicious:
- deceptive editing of tweety's post.
- the overall attitude of superiority, AEB the use of jargon not supported by the text you're quoting
- the overuse of accusatory and dismissive labelling
- the obvious attempt to make your point solely by trying to make tweety feel bad about himself
AN is basically a short-form forum. It's difficult to discuss a subject as complex as the dynamics of bullying without over-generalizing. Personally, I agree that bullying in nursing is as real as it is in every work setting. Bullying is essentially a human dominance display not much different from poop-slinging in chimps. It arises from a need to control the social environment and probably written into our DNA.
Bullies, like the poor, we always have with us, on and off the job. I agree with the OP that it behooves us old fahts to remember where we can from. But there's a reciprocal responsibility for the young'uns to be realistic about where they are coming from, too. You get the respect you give.
I didn't alter or edit tweety's post in any way whatsoever. I quoted the entire post.
My point was simple. The OP is about bullying in nursing, and tweety wildly misinterpreted it to be saying the opposite while affirming said misinterpretation. This, in itself, is un-opinionated fact; if either of you have an alternate explanation, then by all means, provide it.
Absent that, I think it's pretty obvious tha tweety's response was a glib and disingenuous passive aggressive defense of the culture of bullying which exists in nursing. This is not a respectful response to the OP, and thus, there is no respect to be reciprocated. Their point could have been made with sincerity and respect, and it was not.
I didn't alter or edit tweety's post in any way whatsoever. I quoted the entire post.
My point was simple. The OP is about bullying in nursing, and tweety wildly misinterpreted it to be saying the opposite while affirming said misinterpretation. This, in itself, is un-opinionated fact; if either of you have an alternate explanation, then by all means, provide it.
Absent that, I think it's pretty obvious tha tweety's response was a glib and disingenuous passive aggressive defense of the culture of bullying which exists in nursing. This is not a respectful response to the OP, and thus, there is no respect to be reciprocated. Their point could have been made with sincerity and respect, and it was not.
Umm - reread the post you quoted. Specifically his first line, where he expressed approval, and implied agreement with at least part of the original post.
I read the rest of that post as a description of his own reaction to a particularly common trope applied to older nurses. Interesting that you characterize it as "disrespectful" because he did not characterize the OP in any way, nor did he ridicule her/his thought process. He didn't mention her at all. He just described that post as a good one. He just described one particular characterization of experienced nurses as an inaccurate over-generalization. Frankly, your response with a diagnosis of mental dysfunction reads like an attempt to shut him up - aka name-calling - aka bullying.
I disagree with your assessment of the relative prevalence of bullying in other workplaces. I think that depends on both the definition of bullying and the workplaces being examined. See tweety's description of his current workplace.
Also, even if I am "the bully,” am I wrong, or not?
Yes, you are the bully. You are both right and wrong. You are right in supporting the OP's statement of where more experienced nurses can inpeove our own behavior towards co-workers. You are wrong in trying to force the discussion to stop there by trashing a user who's telling part of the other side of the story. It's not your agreement with the OP that makes you the bully. It's the tactics you use to silence disagreement.
ETA: and, yes you are wrong about tweety.
ETA#2: if you're at all inclined to know where I'm coming from, I recommend this book (a quick read and available on Amazon). Ordered to Care: the dilemma of nursing 1850 to 1945. By Susan M Reverby.
Umm - reread the post you quoted. Specifically his first line, where he expressed approval, and implied agreement with at least part of the original post.
I read the rest of that post as a description of his own reaction to a particularly common trope applied to older nurses. Interesting that you characterize it as "disrespectful" because he did not characterize the OP in any way, nor did he ridicule her/his thought process. He didn't mention her at all. He just described that post as a good one. He just described one particular characterization of experienced nurses as an inaccurate over-generalization. Frankly, your response with a diagnosis of mental dysfunction reads like an attempt to shut him up - aka name-calling - aka bullying.
The OP is unambiguously addressing the unique problem of bullying in nursing. The ONLY thing tweety's message did was downplay these concerns while pretending as though he were not, which is condescending and dishonest.
He "agreed" that bullying exists in nursing. Great, except that was never in question, nor was it the topic.
That's really it—it's that simple.
If you're deaf to the tone of his response, I don't even fault you for it, because it's subtle. It's definitely present, though, as I've explained at length, and the fact that you earnestly cannot detect it further exemplifies how normalized this passive aggressive and disrespectful style of communication is in our field.
If you can quote where I a) diagnosed him with mental dysfunction, b) told anyone that the discussion must stop, c) edited his post, or d) called him any name, I will promptly apologize.
I disagree with your assessment of the relative prevalence of bullying in other workplaces. I think that depends on both the definition of bullying and the workplaces being examined. See tweety's description of his current workplace.
It was not an assessment, nor was I making any objective claim. I have worked in wonderfully supportive environments and ones that could use some work in that area as well. I was merely bringing to the table my own years of experience in healthcare at a great variety of workplaces and comparing it with the standard in the other industries in which I've worked, in which any of the behaviors I witness literally daily would result in a sure and swift visit to HR with consequences.
It was not an assessment, nor was I making any objective claim. I have worked in wonderfully supportive environments and ones that could use some work in that area as well. I was merely bringing to the table my own years of experience in healthcare at a great variety of workplaces and comparing it with the standard in the other industries in which I've worked, in which any of the behaviors I witness literally daily would result in a sure and swift visit to HR with consequences
.
Well .... We see things very differently. We're gunns have to agree to disagree.
I think you're right to note that the OP was describing a real problem, so I propose changing the subject to how to reduce it.
Both you and tweety report having experiences in both toxic and non-toxic environments. It would be instructive to hear your respective takes on what made the non-toxic turn toxic and vice versa.
Certainly there is bullying in nursing, just as there is in every work environment on the planet. That said, our culture seems to be hyper focused right now and I think there are a lot of instances of frustration or disagreement that becomes mislabeled as bullying.
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This is hysterical and so amazingly archetypical of the precise attitude this post is targeting.
Tweety, do you really believe this post is saying that bullying in nursing really isn't a thing, and that people should stop saying it? Could anyone who can read come away with that understanding? You're forgetting this the internet, where passive aggressively pretending to be oblivious to the situation at hand in order to force your point of view doesn't work, because we don't know or care who you are.
if you genuinely believe bullying in nursing is overhyped, that's a totally fine opinion to have. However, you tell on yourself big time when you seemingly are unable to directly confront the OP's point of view with a genuine response. What it says is "I have no argument against this but I'm compelled to be defensive anyway, so…”