To Nurses Who Bully: A Message That Needs to Be Heard

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jul 19

Good post.

"Nurses Eat Their Young" is a vile phrase that should go away and is not true. It's disrespectful of us to brand our profession this way. 99% of us are not bullies just trying to make it through our day the best we can.

Emergent, RN · Jul 20

This post contains every buzzword. By the way, there are bullies in every profession. It's part of human nature. There are hierarchies that are part of who we are, they also exist in the animal kingdom.

There is no instant acceptance by any group. There is always an initiation period of time that one must endure. I've experienced it, for sure!

Incidentally, I've seen younger nurses form cliches and bully the older nurses. Good leadership helps, but good leaders are rare. And often those leaders are receiving pressure from on high. They're trying to secure their own futures, livelihoods, and place in our current system, which is very imperfect.

heron, ASN, RN · Jul 20

This might get me moderated right off this thread, but I'm gonna say it anyhow.

Your mother doesn't work here.

If you're old enough to cash the paychecks, you're old enough to be responsible for your own behavior. I get that being bullied is a form of abuse and you have the right to heal from that. Venting here instead of the nurses' station is a good start.

I also get that working with emotionally needy colleagues is draining. If you're working bedside, it can be lethal. No human can be endlessly therapeutic, and god's off the hook because of free will.

There are multiple sides to every story, though. You get the respect that you give.

(Wait for it …)

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 21

Emergent said:

Incidentally, I've seen younger nurses form cliches and bully the older nurses.

Amen.

heron, ASN, RN · Jul 22

DavidFR said:

Amen.

Me, too. Do any of the old fahts here remember the thread that gave rise to the COBs (aka crusty old bats)? Apparently we owe it to the young'uns to retire early so they can get jobs. Or something.

The point being that bullies exist everywhere and in every age range. They are just as likely to be cheerleaders rocking their Figs and dropping their luxurious tresses in every wound and sterile field on the unit, as they are to be tired old burnt-out clock-watchers.

Meanwhile, OP seems to have seagulled (dropped a load and flown away). So ... who's bullying whom?

Steph1985 · Jul 23

This has nothing to do with "nurses eat their young" or younger nurses bullying older nurses. It has everything to do with individuals—regardless of age—who are greatly lacking in every way. No human being who is truly happy goes around bullying someone else.

What do they even get out of it? I've seen how some people seem to get a sick thrill out of causing chaos, probably because peace confuses them. Some are just miserable—and that's why they act the way they do. They might be laughing today, thinking they're doing something, but they're only fooling themselves. When karma comes to take a nice chunk out of their miserable behinds, they won't even know what hit them. As long as you're dealing with people, you're in for a fight. But if you keep your hands and your heart clean, you will be victorious. Don't ever conform to fit in out of fear. I've seen it happen too many times—it's downright disgusting. Stay true to yourself, even when it's hard. Fear should never be the author of your identity.

heron, ASN, RN · Jul 23

Steph1985 said:

This has nothing to do with "nurses eat their young" or younger nurses bullying older nurses. It has everything to do with individuals—regardless of age—who are greatly lacking in every way. No human being who is truly happy goes around bullying someone else.

What do they even get out of it? I've seen how some people seem to get a sick thrill out of causing chaos, probably because peace confuses them. Some are just miserable—and that's why they act the way they do. They might be laughing today, thinking they're doing something, but they're only fooling themselves. When karma comes to take a nice chunk out of their miserable behinds, they won't even know what hit them. As long as you're dealing with people, you're in for a fight. But if you keep your hands and your heart clean, you will be victorious. Don't ever conform to fit in out of fear. I've seen it happen too many times—it's downright disgusting. Stay true to yourself, even when it's hard. Fear should never be the author of your identity.

Yes! I would add that you can't change other's behavior, just how you respond to them.

Wuzzie · Jul 23

Tweety said:

Good post.

"Nurses Eat Their Young" is a vile phrase that should go away and is not true. It's disrespectful of us to brand our profession this way. 99% of us are not bullies just trying to make it through our day the best we can.

This 100%. "Some humans eat other humans" is much more accurate but just as vile of a concept. I wish people would stop propagating the wildly inaccurate idea that only older nurses are running around abusing younger nurses. Bad humans are bad humans and they come in all shapes, ages and sizes. They are also present in every single workplace. Nursing does not have a corner on this market.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jul 23

Wuzzie said:

This 100%. "Some humans eat other humans" is much more accurate but just as vile of a concept. I wish people would stop propagating the wildly inaccurate idea that only older nurses are running around abusing younger nurses. Bad humans are bad humans and they come in all shapes, ages and sizes. They are also present in every single workplace. Nursing does not have a corner on this market.

Nursing is a tough profession in that you're on orientation and then thrown out on your own with a bunch of other stressed out nurses just doing the best they can. Staffing shortages, equipment shortages, absent management, it's all a bit fat mess sometimes. That still doesn't mean we're a bunch of bullies and nurses eat their young.

I've talked to people who insist nurses eat their young and the profession is full of bullies and they might give an example, not mentioning that they work with 20 or more other nurses that are not bullies. Yet they allow this one person to jade them into persisting the myth that nurses are bullies and eat their young.
We all can come up with a story to support this idea. But I guess I've been lucky in that I don't work in a toxic environment and in 34 years have come across only one nurse that I thought was a bully. Have I come across stressed out irritable nurses that are not so welcoming and in a clique with their friends. Yes, often they get together to order DoorDash for lunch and don't ask me. I've also come across snippy nurses and techs but don't brand them as bullies, but probably just stressed or just have a difficult personality in general.

Heck there have been times I've had to apologize to a coworker for getting snippy while I've been stressed? Am I a bully? Was I eating my young?
I'm an adult and can handle other people. Like was said above sometimes it's how we react that matters more.

Why belittle and demean the profession you chose and that pays your bills?

Sorry, "nurses eat their young" is a trigger. LOL

toomuchbaloney · Jul 23

Some nurses feel bullied when they are corrected by more experienced colleagues or managers. High standards can be uncomfortable for inexperienced staff.

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 23

toomuchbaloney said:

Some nurses feel bullied when they are corrected by more experienced colleagues or managers. High standards can be uncomfortable for inexperienced staff.

Agree entirely, but I would add that there are good ways of correcting people and not so good ways of doing it.