To all the moms out there: How did you do it?

coffeeaftermidnight · Mar 4, 2010

Well, I'm in the middle of doing it. My children are 15 (stepson), 8 year old son, 3 year old daughter and 18 month old. I work full time, 8-5 in a corporate job and I go to school at night and do online classes at a local community college. Right now, I'm finishing pre-reqs (I only have two left after this term, microbiology and A&PII) and then I apply for nursing school. Once I'm accepted, I have to quit my day job. Currently, my husband works as an independent contractor - so his work is either hot and heavy or colder than ice. This is obviously a bit of a fear, as when it's time for me to quit my job he needs to be our only income. I'm holding out hope that he will be full time again (he was a full time ride designer at a major amusement park for many years prior to being a consultant). He has great earning potential, if he can land a full time job.

Anyway, I'll give you the good and the bad. The good is once you're in school the terms really do go by quickly. I've been back in school for a year and it feels like I just started back yesterday. I've also found that I'm so much more devoted as an adult attending school than when I was fresh out of high school. My GPA is much higher, I have extremely high expectations for myself, etc.

The bad news is I MISS MY KIDS!!! I get very little time with them right now and I have two wee-ones. I know this is time that I'll never get back and if I think about that aspect too much I get extremely sad. I sometimes feel selfish for seeking out this dream while they are so small. But, I also know that they will also experience the many benefits once I'm finished. I also know, even at their tender ages, they are learning how important hard work is, just by my example.

If this is important to you, go for it. All the details will work themselves out. You will find a way. Things change in lives from one day to the next and I honestly believe if you are meant to do something - there will be a way. Stick your toe in the water, work at some pre-reqs and see where it takes you.

GOMER42 · Mar 4, 2010

If you really want it, take out student loans. Use them for daycare.

ctdismukes · Mar 4, 2010

GO NOW! Take the extra money out, apply for schoalrships, do what ever it takes to get in ASAP! My daughter is 27 months and I just graduated in December. It was tough, I won't deny it. My husband (making only $48k/yr here in FL) was our ONLY source of income and it did put a strain on our marriage because we were so broke for so long! I just kept reassuring him "It will get better. I promise." And it did!

Like I told the other moms in my class, I did this not only for myself but also for my daughter. Because when she starts to care about WHO she is wearing not WHAT she is wearing... mommy can provide. My parents were both in EMS with three kids making $3/hr each starting out (in the early 80s) so I was thrilled to get new clothes from Walmart once a year. I don't want my daughter to feel like she has missed out on just being a kid because her family couldn't afford much.

Nursing school was a small sacrafice for so much gained... now its off to my BSN and MSN (I want to be a teacher, too)

CFitzRN, ADN · Mar 4, 2010

I'm going to try to say this with as much respect and kindness as I can... I promise you, the ability to provide superficial material (designer) goods is not worth losing the time with your children when they are very small. This seems to be a dangerous direction some people are taking - thinking their kids will really appreciate the trips and the designer clothing some day - and they might, but at what cost? There are so many more important things than whether your kid wears Dolce & Gabbana some day. For those that have not yet made the decision as to when to start nursing school, your children don't need the best designer clothing or fabulous trips - what they need most is you and your time. There will be time to pursue your nursing school goals once they are older. If you aren't in a desperate situation and can afford to spend their formative years with them, I very much recommend doing that if you can.

SwampCat, BSN · Mar 4, 2010

I promise you, the ability to provide superficial material (designer) goods is not worth losing the time with your children when they are very small.

I agree whole-heartedly. My first semester in college was when I was 26 years old and my daughter was 6 and my son was almost 3. I took one night class.

Time with them is precious and they will not be small for long. I still only take one or two night classes

a semester because I don't want to put them on the back burner. You're going

to have a few pre-req's before you could even apply to nursing school and you'll probably be able to tackle your co-req's also. Sure, start working toward your dream, but remember that you don't get this time back. So what if we all wear hand me downs and consignment shop specials. So what if we've never been on a family vacation... we camp in our back yard and make smores. We have plenty of time to play a board game together and make cookies. I prefer to do those things and live modestly until my kids are older. And when they are older and I am in nursing school I'll only have core nursing classes that will meet during the day while they are in school anyways. I happily tell everyone that my Associates Degree in Nursing will take 6 yrs. Yes, it sucks that I'm preaching the "moms, put yourselves last" stance, but really think about what matters in life. When your kids get married, will you look back and wish you put them in daycare so you could focus more on school, or will you wish that you spent more time? If you can drag it out, do so.

(and please do not flame me for this, I understand everyone's situations are different and those who had to put their kids in daycare and go to school because of their situations did what is right for them. Everyone needs to really look at their situations and decide what they can and can't live without at this time in their life. Live without TV and fancy clothes, sure. Food and a home... no)

SoundofMusic · Mar 4, 2010

Well, I did it w/ 3 kids. Two were older and were in private schools. I'm lucky my husband makes ok money and I can almost stay home w/o having to work, but w/ a family on one income these days, mom needs to work a bit. We were always teetering on having very little money left at the end of the month and there was no room for extras.

Anyway, I did the community college thing and just got sitters for the 2-3 afternoons/evenings I was in school. (or, I think my older daughter also helped out a lot). I had about 18 hrs of pre-reqs to do and that's how I got by for that. I studied a LOT at home while kids were in bed. I was tired, very tired, FOR YEARS.

Then, once nursing school came along, I actually applied for and got a scholarship through the local hospital which paid my tutiion 100%. This was great, but I did have to make a 2 year committment -- which is now over. It was totally worth it. 2 years blow by in an instant. Dont' let anyone talk you out of this. It's OK to committ to a unit for 2 years. It's your training time and you need the consistency of one unit to learn on.

My program was a 2nd degree one and it was definitely a full time job. I put my youngest in daycare/preschool and we took out a loan w/ equity on our home. It was about $25K and it paid for the full time nanny that came to the house for that year. At the time, I had to do it to get through school. My husband now continues to harp on the fact we had to do that, but heck, it got me through school. Now, w/ the economy and horrid housing market, we no longer even HAVE equity in our home, so I'm glad I did it at the time.

I'm now a nurse, making a good salary, and it's helping our family reach a lot of goals. I'm glad I did all of it -- all the sacrifice was worth it. Now I'm back in grad school, the military is paying for a lot of my coursework as an Army spouse, as well as employee assistance, and I'm getting my masters. All my kids are in school now, so it's a lot easier. Life is good!

Persevere -- find a way. Take out the loans if you have to, because you can pay them back someday w/ your salary as a nurse. Take classes part time and go slow if you have to -- sounds like your kids are young and so are you. Life is long and you can do it part time if need be. Just keep working on it and don't stop. You'll get there.

SoundofMusic · Mar 4, 2010

Oh, yeah -- reading what CFitz wrote, I have to agree in a way. If you can afford to stay home w/ your kids, do it and perhaps do the nursing thing later. They grow up SO fast. I went back into nursing at the age of 44! This was after my oldest was halfway through college, the middle one was in high school and already busy, and our youngest was off to first grade. At 44, I was still not the youngest new nurse on our unit -- several were in their mid 50's! Dont' EVEN worry about the age thing.

You COULD just stay home w/ them and slowly work on the pre-reqs part time if you just need a night to get out and away from the kids. Nothing wrong w/ that. Do one at a time. Or, just do the nsg program part time.

I agree -- you do not get that time back w/ kids. And you want to spend the time raising good kids, so you wont' have to raise them later, or have them moving back in w/ you because they are losers and unable to hold jobs, or on drugs, or what have you.

I must say, though, that w/ my own personal situation, having a younger special needs child, that the money I make as a nurse allows us to put him in better schools. For me, the money I earn as a nurse really benefits my child. I don't spend it on his clothes -- I spend it on better education for him. In that way, I feel it was beneficial for me to work while he was young. And I will continue to need to earn a good living to continue to KEEP him in good schools. but that is just our own personal situation.

Saysfaa · Mar 4, 2010

There is not necessarly any feeling of deprivation from rarely getting new clothes and never getting brand name clothes much less designer clothes. I grew up that way and my sister and I still exchange "wow, look at what I found" stories about garage sales and resale shops. My 20 year old daughter, who loves clothes shopping and has excellent taste in what she buys, thinks her friends are crazy for what they spend on clothes or shoes or purses. She goes shopping with them for the companionship but she buys at Good Will or Salvation or Savers.

I have heard of other people who felt deprivation from that situation but I know way more people who live that way and don't feel deprived. It isn't just clothes or vacations. It is everything from the auto (or having one car, people still do that) to putting up with bigger crowds at the zoo to get the "free admission before 10 am on Mondays to residents of the county." It can be as much fun to watch people watch the animals as it is to watch the animals. It isn't a worse lifestyle, it is just a different one.

CFitzRN, ADN · Mar 4, 2010

SOM - it's really cool that you've found a good school for your little guy. It sounds like things worked out well for you and your family. I know there's no "one-size-fits-all" but I have to say, being home with my kids when they were small was the best thing I could have done. Now in retrospect (I'm 45, my youngest is 12) I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that choosing to be with them when they were small was the best possible situation for them and for me. I never felt I was being put last - I always felt incredibly blessed to have the freedom to do it. And then when the time was right, I pursued my nursing school goals and it all worked out for the best. I truly feel I've had the best of both worlds.

latebloomer74, LPN · Mar 4, 2010

It is hard no doubt. My twins were 3 years old when I went through nursing school. They had a daycare on site at my community college but you got absolutely no discount at all for being a student ): So after 8 months of paying $1600 + a month, I finally found a voucher program(: Add to that my son has a developmental delay (and possible autism) and it got complicated. Thankfully I found a preschool that is just for kids with disabilities that is part of the public school system. So he was bused to the special school from the daycare and back again ( the special school program is only 2.5 hours a day). Take advantage of any voucher programs available, you never know you just may qualify (: Good Luck to you!!!

Karina1481 · Mar 4, 2010

Thank you everyone for posting! It definitely gives me lots to think about.

One point that I'm really thinking about is loosing time with my kids in exchange to provide them nice things. While the salary benefits that come with being a nurse are a definite plus for me, that's definitely not something worth giving up the time with my kids while they are little for. I love being able to stay home with my daughter, and I am very grateful to my husband who makes that possible. I'm also the kind of person who likes to look nice, and have my kid dress nice, but that's where my fashion sense and bargain shopping comes into play! Thrift stores, Marshalls and TJ Max are my favorite stores to shop at! And after becoming a nurse, I'm 99% sure I will continue to shop there... LOL... Kids have way TOO MUCH these days anyway! Between the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, birthday parties and holidays, I have to store my daughter's wardrobe in 2 closets! And toys? I wont even go there! I maybe had 1/10 of what she has, if that. Kids really are spoiled these days.

I want to become a nurse because I want a career that's fulfilling, pays good of course, flexible with hours, room for growth and different opportunities.

I think I am really going to consider going full force into nursing in a few years, when both of my kids are a little older. I really do cherish the time I spend with my daughter, and I can't believe she's 2 already! I mean this stage of their life really does go by so fast and I think I would regret it if I was gone for majority of the time of it. In the meantime, I will take the advice of taking prerequisites here and there a night or two a week, and worry about the daycare issue later.

Thanks again! It really helps to hear suggestions and opinions of others who are or were in a similar situation.

arigsbee · Mar 4, 2010

My kids are now in school, leaving me free to pursue nursing school during the day, in theory, but what do you do when your kids get sick or injured?

I've heard most of the schools around here have a zero tolerance policy for missing a clinical or class. I have 3 kids, and between them, it seems something comes up a few times a month - sickness, getting hurt at school, snow days, etc. I am a single mom with no family in the area to help. I can line up some babysitters for school holidays and such, but the problem is that no one is willing to babysit a sick kid, b/c they have kids themselves and don't want to bring it home to their children.

Single moms, how did you work around this issue?

Tks so much... :):):)