Tips from Nurses to Their Managers

[betts]

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 1 hour before shift change and then bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If its a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to open doors with no arms is good training.

If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

Do your best to keep me late. I adore the nurses station and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

[hoolahan, ASN, RN]

Betts, that was great!

This one seemed to go hand in hand....

Do you keep falling asleep at meetings? Here's a way to change all of that!

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "Bull$hit Bingo" card by drawing a square. I find that 5"x 5" is a good size. Divide it into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

- synergy

- strategic fit

- core competencies

- best practices

- out of the box

- bottom line

- revisit

- take that off-line

- 24/7

- out of the loop

- critical pathway

- team-player

- proactive

- win-win

- think outside the box

- fast track

- result-driven

- empower (or empowerment)

- knowledge base

- at the end of the day

- touch base

- mindset

- client focus (ed)

- ballpark

- game plan

- leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those

words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally,

stand up and shout "BULL$HIT!"

The following are testimonials from satisfied

"Bull$hit Bingo" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes

when I won!"

Jack W., Boston, MA

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically!"

David D., Tampa, FL

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for

me after my first win."

Bill R., New York, NY

"The atmosphere was tense in the last meeting as

14 of us waited for the fifth box!"

Ben G., Denver, CO

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed

"BULL$HIT" for the third time in two hours !"

[st4304]

You guys are sooooo funny!

Thanks for the chuckle.

Sherri

[micro, RN]

i am going to play bingo bs,,,,,,,,,could have truly played it last positions

[fedupnurse]

I can hardly wait until my next staff meeting to play BS Bingo. I am going to make the cards right now! And Betts, you couldn't be more correct!!

[l.rae]

Has anyone copyrighted Bull$hit Bingo? I think I'm onto a nursing alternative here.....rotfl:rotfl:

[fedupnurse]

Let's not forget:

Don't tell me when you are going to change the rules, just write

my sorry butt up instead.

Ask my OPINION and then tell me I am wrong.

Have your assistants sit and do little to nothing for most of the

shift.

Let out of control family members wreak havoc on the unit and

don't intervene.

Please DO NOT come to my rescue when a doctor is taking

his/her frustrations out on me. I love being a human

punching bag.

Call me at all hours of the day and night, preferrably when I am

asleep to see if I can work yet another shift this week!

And PLEASE call me when I am on vacation to see if I can work.

In fact let me give you my cell phone #!

I have no doubt that with even minimal thought about my work environment I can come up with a few hundred more!

[boobaby42]

"If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped."

Oh my heavens! You must be talking about how they treat me! hahahaha

Great post my friend. This has really lifted my spirits!

[mother/babyRN, RN]

Do not allow me to cut down in order to force me to quit in order for you to slip a newer less paid individual into my slot.

Make unilateral decisions at the drop of a hat.

Lie, often....

Mention that any conversation that takes place doesn't exist unless it is written down somewhere...

Actually insult me and arrange meetings about nursing recruitment and strategies to combat the nursing shortage while denying me vacation time, holidays and every other decent formally available perk.

Have me in the office along with every other staff member who dares to call in sick threatening disciplinary action.

Write me up for coming in sick and needlessly exposing other staff members to my illness....(HELLO???)

Treat all of us differently, all the time

Leave your control issues at home...

Thinking that just because you say its so, it actually is...

Thinking you know more than me because you have an advanced degree and no clinical experience or expertise in my specialty area even though you are in CHARGE of the specialty area you know little or nothing about....

Berate me for being too caring....

Meet with me about my overtime due to shortstaffing and then force me to do mandatory overtime....

Refuse to answer the phone even when you know you have 24 hour accountability....We know you're there....

[fedupnurse]

Mother/babyRN,

What's that Meatloaf song: You took the words right outta my mouth!

Especially the lie, often part and the 24 hr accountability.

Thank God for this BB, at least I know others UNFORTUNATELY are going thru the same thing!!

God save us all cause mgmt/administration sure won't!

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Hoolihan,

Loved it - Loved it -Loved it.

[zudy]

Also, if you have any problems at all with me, berate me loudly, at the nurses station, preferably at change of shift when there is a lot of staff and/or drs standing around to hear everything. That way everyone will know you are the big boss, and you don't take any bs from a lowly staff nurse.