This one is a liability! What should I do?

Nursing Students General Students

Published

I've got a mess on my hands and to be quite honest I don't have the time or the patience to deal with this. Help!

I have a classmate that is struggling...we will call him Bob.

Bob started having trouble last year. Seems there are problems with his spouse and home in general. I've provided moral support and general counsel and Bob is coming along.

I've always suspected that Bob had some other issues and last week my suspicions were confirmed. Each time Bob has a crisis he calls me from the local bar to report what terrible things have been happening to him. I figured these were just remote instances. Recently I've been picking up a hint of alchol on Bob's breath...fruity, acetone breath...It's frequent now.

Long story short...Bob's got a chemical dependancy and is at risk for flunking out this semester. The professors are looking to me to provide support but they are unaware of his condition.

I personally think Bob is a liability. I've offered help but he seems to have an answer for everything...and "everyone else" seems to be the problem according to Bob.

I hate to sound selfish but I don't have the time or the resources to care for someone who is out the ruin their life. I don't think Bob should be caring for small animals let alone people.

I am one for being straight forward and have thought about just telling him to quit...he's bringing a lot of people down...constant negativity, self absorbed. I mean here I am reaching out to find help for him and Bob is still recovering from a two day binder that he's been on. Animals smother the ones they think won't make it...right? Is this an option?

Help!

Of course there is. But how hung over can a person be without causing harm? And how much responsibility should the staff be putting on the shoulders of another student?

The difference I see, is that the OP never stated that the alcohol on the breath was at clinicals.

Now, had the OP stated that, then I would 190% agree with you.

However, it appears that it's limited to classes, and just because someone has alcohol on their breath during class doesn't mean that they are legally impaired for driving.

I am one of those people that if I have a single glass of wine the night before, you can smell it on me the next day...no matter how much teeth brushing, mouthwash, etc.

That is the #1 reason of why I don't even drink that the day before clinicals b/c I don't want someone spreading rumors on me in addition to the fact that I don't want anyone questioning whether I am "ok" to be there or not...not to mention it's unprofessional.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Hopefull, I am an alcoholic. If he is showing up to school with alcohol on his breath he's a time bomb. He is dependent on alcohol.

Morally, I don't care if he's shooting junk. I am not a Puritan and believe that all of it should be legal. But his drinking is the reason he is unable to cope with school and it is not the OP's responsibility to protect him from his own actions. Let the faculty deal with it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Hopefull, I am an alcoholic. If he is showing up to school with alcohol on his breath he's a time bomb. He is dependent on alcohol.

Morally, I don't care if he's shooting junk. I am not a Puritan and believe that all of it should be legal. But his drinking is the reason he is unable to cope with school and it is not the OP's responsibility to protect him from his own actions. Let the faculty deal with it.

Sue, I am sorry for that...I mean, seriously, I really am.

However, are you prepared to say that every student that shows up to class smelling of alcohol(not clinical) is an alcoholic?

Come on...you are a nurse...do you really, OBJECTIVELY believe that?

That would mean that every person who over-indulged a night or two and still reeked of it the next day...is an alcoholic?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

i think this thread is going off on a odd tangent so i went back to the original post. . .

i've got a mess on my hands and to be quite honest i don't have the time or the patience to deal with this. help!

i have a
classmate that is struggling
...we will call him bob.

bob started having trouble last year. seems there are problems with his spouse and home in general
. i've provided moral support and general counsel and bob is coming along.

i've always suspected that bob had some other issues and last week my suspicions were confirmed.
each time bob has a crisis he calls me from the local bar to report what terrible things have been happening to him
. i figured these were just remote instances.
recently i've been picking up a hint of alchol on bob's breath...fruity, acetone breath...it's frequent now
.

long story short...
bob's got a chemical dependancy
and is
at risk for flunking out this semester
.
the professors are looking to me to provide support but they are unaware of his condition
.

i personally think bob is a liability. i've offered help but he seems to have an answer for everything...and "everyone else" seems to be the problem according to bob.

i hate to sound selfish but
i don't have the time or the resources to care for someone who is out the ruin their life
. i don't think bob should be caring for small animals let alone people.

i am one for being straight forward and have thought about just telling him to quit...he's bringing a lot of people down...constant negativity, self absorbed. i mean here i am reaching out to find help for him and bob is still recovering from a two day binder that he's been on. animals smother the ones they think won't make it...right? is this an option?

help!

there seem to be 2 different things going on. (1) bob is not doing well in school and flunking and (2) developing a dependence on alcohol. it is also clear (you wrote it) that you don't have the time to be caring for him. your own anger at bob is very obvious, so i figure that bob did something to tick you off but good, not unusual for someone who is a substance abuser. they know how to push people's buttons. they are great game players of one-upmanship. you mention in your post that "i've offered help but he seems to have an answer for everything...and "everyone else" seems to be the problem according to bob." this is very typical of people who are in denial of their problems. and nothing you suggest is going to help, which is why you feel frustrated. most people who finally get sober do it because people who cared about them forced an intervention on them or they finally hit the bottom of the barrel and had no other recourse. until then, the people who love and care about them can only stand by and watch as they self-destruct. it's like watching two trains facing each other and waiting for the collision. it's an awful and helpless situation. make no mistake about it, these people are on a mission to self-destruct and they have very high rates of suicide. it is because you care about him that you are so angry at what you are seeing him doing to his life. it is such a terrible waste, isn't it? the wonderful thing is that many of these people who become sober are the most sensitive, caring and giving people on the face of this earth which is why they are worth saving.

i'll repeat, if you like this guy enough, attend al-anon so you can find out the ways that you can constructively help and protect yourself from him. if you sincerely want to help him with your nursing classes, then do so. otherwise, don't. you don't have to give your instructors a reason for why you aren't helping bob. just tell them bob doesn't listen to you anymore and you don't know why. you can protect the secret of his increased drinking if you want. if you know for sure he is working on patients while intoxicated, however, you must tell your instructors because it is a safety issue and puts unsuspecting patients at risk. you wouldn't want a drunken nurse ministering to one of your sick relatives, would you?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Sue, I am sorry for that...I mean, seriously, I really am.

However, are you prepared to say that every student that shows up to class smelling of alcohol(not clinical) is an alcoholic?

Come on...you are a nurse...do you really, OBJECTIVELY believe that?

That would mean that every person who over-indulged a night or two and still reeked of it the next day...is an alcoholic?

Of course not. But the evidence we have here doesn't support your contention. This is a guy committing repeated acts of dialing -while-intoxicated and frequently showing up smelling like a distillery.

The important thing, though, is that this is not the responsibility of the OP. Why should he be expected to support an emotional train wreck he doesn't even know?

It's hard enough to take care of oneself through nursing school. This guy is not his burden.

And you needn't be sorry for me. My life is very good. I just don't have as much excuse-making in me as those who haven't been there.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Of course not. But the evidence we have here doesn't support your contention. This is a guy committing repeated acts of dialing -while-intoxicated and frequently showing up smelling like a distillery.

The important thing, though, is that this is not the responsibility of the OP. Why should he be expected to support an emotional train wreck he doesn't even know?

It's hard enough to take care of oneself through nursing school. This guy is not his burden.

And you needn't be sorry for me. My life is very good. I just don't have as much excuse-making in me as those who haven't been there.

We are on the same page. I don't think the OP should be taking care of Bob either and if Bob flunks out, that's Bob's fault.

The reason why I am very, very particular on going to the instructors and making an accusation of alcohol dependency, is that the OP is not qualified to make a decision like that, and have a feeling that either the OP or Bob is exaggerating the situation.

I have a couple of classmates who are young, go out on "school nights", and have come to class looking like a wet rat and still smelling like a brewery.

However, when they show up for clinicals, they go to be early, get up, shower, makeup, perfectly pressed uniform...I can't say a single one of them have given me pause during clinical.

Class is NOT the same as clinical....that is the distinction that I am trying to draw.

You cannot sit here and assume that b/c Bob is clearly a binge drinker that it equals him putting patients at risk at the hospital.

That is why I am saying the OP needs to drop the issue, drop Bob, and live his own life.

I would never, ever say anything about my classmates that could put their nursing future at risk...and just because I THINK I know what the situation is...unless I KNOW then I need to keep my mouth shut.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Well, we're in agreement that Bob is on his own.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
A binge drinker doesn't equal alcoholic. I'm just saying that before you label someone has having a chemical dependency., you still don't have enough to go by...

...That is ALL you have to say.

I think you've said enough.

I think you're being presumptuous. I didn't ask for anyone's opinion as to whether or not this person is an alcoholic. I asked for advice in regard to how I should handle this problem as I perceive the problem. Don't you think that I, as a good nursing student and someone who has worked for years in healthcare would do my research before assigning such a diagnosis?

There is an infinite amount of detail regarding this person and I did not think it was necessary to disclose everything; however since you are so insistent on derailing my thread and making certain that I don't assign Bob the title of alcoholic here you go...

Psychosocial assessment of Bob reveals a history of alcohol and drug use as described by same to include beer, wine, grain alcohol and marijuana. Bob states he has been drinking since the age of 12 and has had several DUI, denies rehab or official diagnosis of alcoholism. Bob states he drinks "infrequently" - not more than two or three drinks per day 6-8oz per drink, states use of alcohol, specifically Rum to assist with sleeping at night. States mother is an alcoholic and has been in rehabilitation. States sibling is an alcoholic and was recently in jail for alcohol related incident. Is that enough?

Most recent, Bob stated on Thursday that he was going home to drink. Bob called on Friday and was drunk. Bob called on Friday night, still drunk and stated "I've been drinking since yesterday, I slept all day. As per family member Bob has been out with alcoholic sibling (just released from jail) since Saturday and has not been home.

So here's my thoughts...this person has a chemical dependency. This is not "binge drinking". There is a history of substance abuse as per Bob and a family history of alcoholism as per Bob.

Do you still think I'm being too judgmental here? I am 100% certain that what I smell on Bob's is "morning after breath".

One more time...

I asked for opinions on how to handle this problem...NOT to be judged. I was asked to help, I feel responsible because I agreed to intervene and I take this very seriously. The job is more then I am qualified to handle and so now I am looking for a way out. I came to the professionals and instead of advice you nit-picked on sematics as related to alcholism.

Thats ALL I have to say to you. Thank you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Well, we're in agreement that Bob is on his own.

Yes. This thread alone has given me a knot in my stomach. I am telling Bob personally that I no longer wish to continue our "friendship". I don't know exactly what words I will use but I am done.

I'm telling my dean I do not wish to be involved and leave it at that. I suspect the problem will take care of itself one way or another.

Thank you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
The difference I see, is that the OP never stated that the alcohol on the breath was at clinicals.

Now, had the OP stated that, then I would 190% agree with you.

However, it appears that it's limited to classes, and just because someone has alcohol on their breath during class doesn't mean that they are legally impaired for driving.

I am one of those people that if I have a single glass of wine the night before, you can smell it on me the next day...no matter how much teeth brushing, mouthwash, etc.

That is the #1 reason of why I don't even drink that the day before clinicals b/c I don't want someone spreading rumors on me in addition to the fact that I don't want anyone questioning whether I am "ok" to be there or not...not to mention it's unprofessional.

My opinion of the use of alcohol is this...

One should not drink the day before work, clinical or any other event the requires 100% of your brain.

Call me a cop but if I can smell it on your breath the day after then you've had too much the night before. More important if I can smell it so can the patients...you know exactly what I am talking about here...NOT alcohol on breath but the DAY AFTER. Couple that with a 10 year pack a day habit and it's enough to make me vomit.

This behavior does not belong in healthcare...there! I said it. If you want to hit the sauce, stay home... Period.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
it's interesting that you ask "what should i do?" and then you criticize or find a reason for why every suggestion you are given isn't going to work. you need as much help as bob, believe me. you are just not ready to listen. you have the option of telling the people who asked for your help of saying you don't wish to participate.

what type of help should i get?

and just curious...have you ever had any problems with alcohol?

whats your experience with al-non?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I am also a person that you can smell alcohol on my breath the next day, even if I have only one glass of wine.

I think that's pretty unprofessional. Are you an RN? Is this your idea of setting an example?

Did you read my posts? Alcohol on the breath was one of many signs. I think perhaps you are projecting some insecurity here. There's much more to this then simply "smelling alcohol on breath"

Thanks for your advice and I have been careful. I've been monitoring this situation since June.

I think you should be careful too because I am certain that if you ever find yourself on my unit with the smell of alcohol on your breath there will be an incicent report. :)

Thanks for your input!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment