This one is a liability! What should I do?

[Dr.Nurse2b]

I've got a mess on my hands and to be quite honest I don't have the time or the patience to deal with this. Help!

I have a classmate that is struggling...we will call him Bob.

Bob started having trouble last year. Seems there are problems with his spouse and home in general. I've provided moral support and general counsel and Bob is coming along.

I've always suspected that Bob had some other issues and last week my suspicions were confirmed. Each time Bob has a crisis he calls me from the local bar to report what terrible things have been happening to him. I figured these were just remote instances. Recently I've been picking up a hint of alchol on Bob's breath...fruity, acetone breath...It's frequent now.

Long story short...Bob's got a chemical dependancy and is at risk for flunking out this semester. The professors are looking to me to provide support but they are unaware of his condition.

I personally think Bob is a liability. I've offered help but he seems to have an answer for everything...and "everyone else" seems to be the problem according to Bob.

I hate to sound selfish but I don't have the time or the resources to care for someone who is out the ruin their life. I don't think Bob should be caring for small animals let alone people.

I am one for being straight forward and have thought about just telling him to quit...he's bringing a lot of people down...constant negativity, self absorbed. I mean here I am reaching out to find help for him and Bob is still recovering from a two day binder that he's been on. Animals smother the ones they think won't make it...right? Is this an option?

Help!

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

This may sound callous, but Bob flunking out may be just the wake-up call that he needs to straighten his act out. This is not "smothering a weak one": the fact is that sometimes life's lessons need to be learned the hard way. Ask me how I know.

You can't change Bob's life, marriage or drinking habits because only Bob can do that. You are also not responsible for Bob to your professors in any way: only Bob is responsible for Bob--your professors should not be expecting you or any other classmate to be his keeper.

All you can do is continue offering Bob your friendship, support and when he's ready for it, your help...if/when the time comes. Until then, shift the focus back on YOUR life because you're right: you shouldn't be spending your time and resources trying to save someone who prefers to drown. Nursing school is hard enough as it is, and that--and you--should be your priority.

[Dr.Nurse2b]

This may sound callous, but Bob flunking out may be just the wake-up call that he needs to straighten his act out. Some lessons just have to be learned on our own.

You can't change Bob's life or drinking habits--only Bob can do that. You are also not responsible for Bob to your professors in any way: only Bob is responsible for Bob and your professors should not be expecting you or any other classmate to be his support system.

All you can do is continue offering your support and your help when he's ready for it, if/when that happens. Until then, shift the focus back on YOUR life because you're right: you shouldn't be spending your time and resources on someone who prefers to drown. Nursing school is hard enough as it is without trying to save your classmates.

Should I squeal? That's what I'm asking here...

I want to hand this guy off to someone. I don't want to deal with it anymore...its too much.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

You mean to your professors? Tough one.

If you don't care for Bob, you could say nothing and let him implode on his own.

If you do care for Bob, you could tell them that you're concerned about Bob: that he's talked about family problems, that he seems stressed, that he's not doing as well in class as he used to, that you've offered him help but he's not interested in it, and while you wish you could do more, you have to start focusing on your own NS performance/family/etc and really can't babysit Bob in class. You'll have to think of a better saying than "babysit" as I can't think of one right now.

Only mention the fruity, alcohol breath if he's come to class or clinical with it since that's a sticky area: you don't want to cross the slander/libel line and say he's got a drinking problem when he may or may not (neverminding that what he does away from NS is his business). But if he's showing up to class or clinical with booze on his breath, that's another thing...

I wish I could give you a definite Yes/No answer. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Jules A, MSN]

It probably isn't even necessary and btw you can't diagnose him with a chemical dependency problem. :) I would tell your school if asked that "the truth is Bob has way more problems than I am equipped to help with" and leave it at that. It sounds like he is going to flunk anyway and I agree that you don't need the extra stress.

[caliotter3]

It probably isn't even necessary and btw you can't diagnose him with a chemical dependency problem. :) I would tell your school if asked that "the truth is Bob has way more problems than I am equipped to help with" and leave it at that. It sounds like he is going to flunk anyway and I agree that you don't need the extra stress.

I agree with what Jules has posted. If you delve any deeper, then you are entering the realm of the enabler, and you are wasting even more time and energy that you should be devoting to making certain that You don't fail out. Have a short, sweet, frank talk with Bob and let him know that you can no longer deal with his problems. Give him the contact info for the school counseling center and send Bob on his way. At this point, you probably couldn't help Bob anyway. He has to help himself.

[fiveofpeep]

I would tell professors if he was under the influence during direct patient care. Check your school handbook- our nursing one specifically says that they will support students with chemical dependencies as long as they go through programs. There are options on campus too.

[Dr.Nurse2b]

and btw you can't diagnose him with a chemical dependency problem. :) I

So calling from the bar several times a week bleeding drunk is not classified as a chemical dependency? :)

This guy is drunko the clown...I don't know how he gets up in the morning.

Thank you!

[Melinurse]

I've offered help but he seems to have an answer for everything...and "everyone else" seems to be the problem according to Bob.

I am one for being straight forward and have thought about just telling him to quit...he's bringing a lot of people down...constant negativity, self absorbed. I mean here I am reaching out to find help for him and Bob is still recovering from a two day binder that he's been on.

Help!

I would straight up tell him how you feel. I would not necessarily go to the professors unless you notice an alcohol smell during clinicals. Approach him gently like you would want to be approach if it was you. Be careful not to accuse or blame. Just state facts ( no suspicions ) and tell him as a concerned friend how you feel. If this does not work and he continues to lean on you then ask your professors to assign him someone else to buddy up with. Good luck with a difficult situation.

Above all tell your professors if you think he is under the influence during direct patient care.

[LovingNurse, BSN, RN]

Why are the professors looking to you to support Bob?

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

You are in as much need of help as Bob. You are protecting him and are going to continue to protect him because there is obviously a strong bond between the two of you. As long as you continue to protect Bob you are enabling his behavior. Until you develop some insight as to why you continue to do this and begin to understand your own behavior and how it is affecting your power to act there is nothing more you can do. You are as stuck in this same rut as Bob is. I would suggest that you start by attending local Al-Anon meetings where you can get some help for yourself first.

[justme1972]

This sounds horrible, but unless you smell alcohol on his breath when he is at clinicals, I would probably keep quiet.

The alcohol is doing what it's supposed to...make you not function.

If Bob can't function and flunks out, I fail to see how that is a tragedy.

Just let nature take it's course.

PS: I can give you another explanation for fruity/acetone breath. People that use a recreational drug called "poppers" or "locker room" will the same breath. I am also a person that you can smell alcohol on my breath the next day, even if I have only one glass of wine.

Just be careful about assuming he has a dependency...just b/c someone drinks alot doesn't equal a dependency.