10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

[sharann]

Very, very funny and true!

If I may add one more:

"Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)

[peridotgirl]

"let's see, what size are you... French 16 French 14...?" (to a man about to be catherized; checking the chart look for what size catheter). don't know what's my thing with catheters. It's strange considering that I've NEVER even inserted one before. Well, not on an actual pt, anyways.

[RedWeasel, RN]

I Dont know if anyone else listed this, but when a pt you know is on a bedpan and their call light goes off and you answer, Yes, can I help you? Do you need to get off?

[kukukajoo, LPN]

I did an observation in ICU and was helping the male nurse with an intubated pt. He decided to do some mouth care and said the the pt (an elderly gentleman), "I am just just going to come in your mouth now"

Somehow I kept a straight face and he never even realized what he said!!

[trethern]

I spent last night reading all of these and today had one of my own to add. I was working on charting on the computer and someone asked me for help on how to do something for their patient. Unfortunately my reply was "let me just get off my guy first" (log off that patient). every doctor and nurse on the floor got a great laugh at my expense:imbar

[elizabells, BSN, RN]

To a screaming baby who won't take his paci:

Please, baby, just suck on it, it'll make you feel better.

Five minutes later, baby is still screaming:

Please just shut up and suck on it.

NB: Any mean thing said to a baby (at least by me) is still said in a soft, soothing whisper. I've straight up cussed a baby out in a tone that, if you didn't know the words, would sound like the sweetest nursery rhyme you ever heard.

[callmekipling]

I pride myself on my composure, and I don't often say things out of turn. So I was doubly embarrassed one day when a lovely nurse who I have a huge crush on asked me to hold her pt's foot up while she changed a postop dressing over the achilles' tendon.

We came in and the pt was feeling good, so she decided to give us a hard time. "I just settled in," she says, "I can't believe you're going to come bother me again!"

Me with my mouth says "Ma'am, I'll be doing all the hard work here, all you have to do is lay there with your leg up."

Nurse and pt agree if I could just stop talking I'd have greater success in the dating world :uhoh21:

[peridotgirl]

I spent last night reading all of these and today had one of my own to add. I was working on charting on the computer and someone asked me for help on how to do something for their patient. Unfortunately my reply was "let me just get off my guy first" (log off that patient). every doctor and nurse on the floor got a great laugh at my expense:imbar

that's a good one! LOL! hehehehe. :):):)

[lil' girl, LPN]

Tying to get a pt. to drink through a straw, I said "no, you are blowing, you need to suck"

Inserted a suppository in a male pt. felt feces and said "hmmm I feel a ball back here"

[peridotgirl]

these are soo funny.. please keep them comin'... LOL! :lol2:

[babydoll99_99]

"Could you take out your other breast so I can compare your nipples."

Said while desperately trying to help a breast feeding mom get her baby latched on to her very flat nipple. She looked at me with a straight face and said, "If it were anyone else saying that to me I would slap them." We both got a little relaxing laugh out of it.

[juliachloe]

"Let's go get wasted." - documenting in Pyxis the wasting of narcotics.

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

I just remembered from a few years back after one of my surgeries I needed a cath insurted. I am and have always been very tickilish. I was laughing and trying to close my legs "Keep your legs open, I need to get this in there."