Things nursing school FAILED to tell us

Nurses Humor

Published

Wouldn't it have been great if they told us this stuff in nursing school?

NOTE: A LOT OF MINE WERE MEANT FOR LTC NURSES

The human body is capable of holding 200 cups of H2O/coffee in your bladder....literally.

We were always instructed "Your body needs sleep to heal, rest, ect...",yeah that's funny.

Practicing sterile procedures for EVERYTHING is a waste of time(except catheters).

Of the 40 pts I have, I know what all the side effects of their meds are(yeah, all 50 meds per pt!!!). Oh yeah, and I know the GENERIC-TRADE names too.

Remember calcuating drip rates for G-tubes??? I don't.

They won't tell you what a med-cocktail is in school.

Anyone else wanna share???? :chuckle

Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
*Snort* Now that's funny:chuckle

Hmmm.... where do you work? You seem to get the nice confused ones. I'm used to dealing with the strong, wiry, octopus-type confused ones!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
how not to laugh out loud when the family really believe that their loved one can have a brain transplant and then be 'cured'

Also how not to cry when your 13 year-old patient with terminal lung & systemic disease asks you if he gets new lungs will he get better?

I answered as truthfully as I could, saying "No, sweetie, your new lungs would just get sick like the old ones."

:(:(

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have learned that most people will only worry about not having a BM in 5 days at 0200 and want the MD called immediately for a laxative:banghead:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections, neurology, dialysis.
In nursing school, they don't tell you that you have just signed up for a 24/7 position because as soon as family members, friends, neighbors and church members find out your are a nurse, you start getting phone calls of all hours of the day and night requesting you come "take a look" at something.

They don't tell you that if you want to attend your child's ball games, Christmas parties, etc. you'll need to take a job that only pays a little more than what you were making at Wal-mart.

They don't tell you that even though employers offer vacation and sick pay, they will go on and on about what a bind you are putting them in by attempting to actually use it, lol.

They don't tell you that the "lunch break" is really a myth.

Boy isn't that the truth. I have stopped saying "I'm a nurse" and say either "I work in a hospital" or "I'm in the medical field" to keep people from hijacking entire conversations to discuss an ingrown hair that they on their back.

I work 24/7 because I swear that they go out and beat the bushes looking for dialysis patients. I have worked alsmost 60 hours the last two weeks in a row. I cringe just thinking about the earful I'm going to get when I request some time off.

Yep. Forget about having a personal life. I have one but it's deteriorating because I'm never home for dinner and we don't have days off together. I can't make arrangments to meet with friends because I never know if I'll be working or not. Forget about joining a club or taking a class. The pay is excellent but I never have time to spend it. :chuckle

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I swear that they go out and beat the bushes looking for dialysis patients.

(chuckle)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I THINK THAT ALL OF THAT IS NEED TO KNOW INFORMATION. HOW DARE THEY NOT SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT STUFF. WHEN I START SCHOOL I WILL HAVE ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS ANSWERED BEFORE I SET FOOT IN A CLINICAL:rotfl: . BUT MAYBE NOT. I HOPE I NEVER RUN INTO PROJECTILE VOMMITTING OR TOO MUCH POOP.:p

You better not have kids, then! I didn't have them either, and I know that.

:stone

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nursing home, private care.

As a first year nursing student, I want to say "THANK YOU" to everyone on here. Thanks for cracking me up, and thanks for warning me about what's to come. As I'm getting ready to start clinicals I will now know what to be watching for...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, M/S, Ortho, Float..

Nursing scholl failed to teach me that all kinds of things can be used by psychotic patient to keep from getting into restrains. Two in partular methods come to mind. First the urine bag. Old guy, very sick physically starts to say that his brother is on the other side of the glass and starts hitting it with a chair. When the code was called 20 people rushed into his room. He had a foley that was full. He grabbed a pen out of the Dr's shirt pocket and stabbed the bag and started swinging around. He got them all wet, including the poor other patients stuck in the room. You have never seen a room empty so fast.

Second one was a call bell on an agitated post surgical (abdomen) pt of mine. I go in and Wham, she has the phone by the headset and swinging it around the room with much vigour hitting me in the shoulder. Took an army to get in there and remove the phone.

Something else I didn't learn in school is that a bilatteral hip pt can squat on his bed and poop in a urinal. To fix this, you need 8 people. You lower the bed, everyone grabs a part and you all lift together and ease him on to his back, letting him strainten out is own legs. You also write a note to the OR asking them please to wait a few more minutes after the patient wakes up before sending the to the floor.

That when you enter a patient's room in the middle of the night you turn on the lights to make sure he isn't holding a ball of wet poop to throw at the first person who walks in the door, getting them in the face.

That when whole team has been cleaning up the floor for an accreditation visit, this patient will politely walk by all the inspectors and loudly make sexually inappropriate moaning noises, poop on the floor that the said party turns around to see what is going on. And the he starts throwing it at them.

That little old ladies will bite hard on a nurse's arm when given back her teeth by a new nurse.

That doctors will request nurse's assistance stat when he has been thrown up on.

And that your vacation will be for taking care of people at home who have been well suddenly develop an intestinal problem that lasts till the last day of your vacation.

That's what I have for tonight. Will find more.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical.
Old guy, very sick physically starts to say that his brother is on the other side of the glass and starts hitting it with a chair. When the code was called 20 people rushed into his room. He had a foley that was full. He grabbed a pen out of the Dr's shirt pocket and stabbed the bag and started swinging around. He got them all wet, including the poor other patients stuck in the room. You have never seen a room empty so fast.

Although I'm sure it wasn't at the time, that's hilarious!

A friend had a patient who developed steroid-induced psychosis - he tied a length of oxygen tubing around the handle of a metal urinl and started whirling it above his head, taking out mirrors and windows in the process. No male staff or security on the premises (small local hospital int he middle of the night) - they had to call the police, who were none too thrilled.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Assisted Living.

In the LTC arena (& probably in hospital venues, as well) how nasty & demanding some families can be when family members are patients. Many of these folks project their anger & guilt towards LTC staff. This is an ongoing problem which most RA's in our Assisted living handle exceptionally well.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

oh no. what have I gotten myself into.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in geriatrics, wound care, ICU.

Why not ice the ng tube?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment