Things nursing school FAILED to tell us

Nurses Humor

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Wouldn't it have been great if they told us this stuff in nursing school?

NOTE: A LOT OF MINE WERE MEANT FOR LTC NURSES

The human body is capable of holding 200 cups of H2O/coffee in your bladder....literally.

We were always instructed "Your body needs sleep to heal, rest, ect...",yeah that's funny.

Practicing sterile procedures for EVERYTHING is a waste of time(except catheters).

Of the 40 pts I have, I know what all the side effects of their meds are(yeah, all 50 meds per pt!!!). Oh yeah, and I know the GENERIC-TRADE names too.

Remember calcuating drip rates for G-tubes??? I don't.

They won't tell you what a med-cocktail is in school.

Anyone else wanna share???? :chuckle

* That it is actually possible for people to sleep while standing...:sleep:

* That we will need wrestling to pin a combative pt.hehe esp during labor:pumpiron:

*How not to barf in front of a pt smudged with poop, flying loogie, pus...etc :barf02:

* That its actually possible to think of ur next meal while cleaning up all these and have the appetite to eat and even throw a party:balloons::cheers:

* That its possible for a 200 lb grown up male to faint seeing a drop of his blood, and u are the only one to catch him and ure only 100 lbs. :eek:

* That doctors are much of an ass, but nurses are more of an ass than doctors... :devil::sasq:

xviii-xxv:nurse:

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Specializes in ob; nicu.

Breastmilk can and will squirt you in the eye!:dncgbby:*wine

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

that no matter how hard you try to cover your butt, management will find a bit of vulnerable buttcheek to pinch you with, and the only way to really know your butt is covered is to coat it with road tar :uhoh3: :typing

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I don't have any stories as yet and will be starting NS in APril, but I do love your guys' stories. I am crying with laughter at a lot of your posts!

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.

IV tubing can actually be chewed in half

An unresponsive patient with a b/p in the gutter can still manage to "pick" an iv site apart

When someone tells you they're going to throw up on you, believe them.

Blood can be spewed at a longer distance and much faster speed than a lighting strike. It doesn't look pretty either, like paint all over the walls, the floor, the staff, the curtains, etc.....

You can read all the nursing journals, medical text books, encyclopedia's, websites, and "how to" books about nursing that you want, you still have no idea what you are in for!:rolleyes:

Certain things don't belong in certain places, the human body being one of them.

A sweet little old decrepid lady who reminds you of dear sweet grandma can and will kick your ### given the first unsuspecting opportunity.

Maggots are REALLY disgusting.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

That a patient can bottom out suddenly when he/she appears to be stable.

That sometimes, the patient knows about what's going on with her/his body more than her/his doctor does.

That not all doctors believe their patients, and think the patient is exaggerating when in fact the patient is really having an adverse reaction to a narcotic.

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Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.

That its always wise to do a 'guesstimate' of the height of your elderly male patient before you assist him out of bed with a 'bear hug lift'. For those who dont know, this is when you sit the pt on the edge of the bed, bend your knees slightly, and place both arms around their upper torso. You lift by rocking your weight backwards as you stand, and in the process bring the pt effortlessly to their feet, so they can then transfer to another chair. (that's right, it was before lifting machines) :nurse:

As a 'gung ho' grad nurse, I did this particular lift with a gentlement with dense hemi-paresis. I was standing there holding him, waiting to feel him place his good leg on the floor, and take a little of his weight before I transfered him. After what seemed like forever, I glanced down to see what was taking him so long. Imagine my amusement when I saw BOTH his legs dangling several inches off the floor!!! He wasn't as tall as I expected. Trying to suppress my giggles, I pivoted to the right and deposited him in the commode.

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Specializes in critical care.
I THINK THAT ALL OF THAT IS NEED TO KNOW INFORMATION. HOW DARE THEY NOT SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT STUFF. WHEN I START SCHOOL I WILL HAVE ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS ANSWERED BEFORE I SET FOOT IN A CLINICAL:rotfl: . BUT MAYBE NOT. I HOPE I NEVER RUN INTO PROJECTILE VOMMITTING OR TOO MUCH POOP.:p

Get into a less patient centered environment, cause if you don't want vomit, or TOOOOO much poop....you are getting in the wrong field. I've had poop dripping off the bed, vomit which I had to clean out of cords, and plugins (it was very chunky). Not to mention flying sputum which splattered on my scrubs from a trach patient. Addl I have slipped in poop, nearly landed in it (thank god for the gymnastics I took as a kid, you know helps with balance). And had nearly my arm up someones rectum for the worst disimpaction I have ever had the pleasure of performing, (we are talking pounds of dookie guys) Hope that doesn't scare you off, but that is a necessary part of nursing.

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Specializes in critical care.
IV tubing can actually be chewed in half

I had a combative lady in restraints, who not only chewed her tubing in half, she ended up chewing her restraints off, ( just one wrist), but good god. I didn't think her teeth were that good!!!

A sweet little old decrepid lady who reminds you of dear sweet grandma can and will kick your ### given the first unsuspecting opportunity.

That one is great, and oh soooo true. Wirey little suckers they are.

:lol2::lol2:

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The difference between nursing school and the real world. WHAT AN AMAZING DIFFERENCE!!!!:eek:

you'er right...when practice nursing, you can lots of things that you couldn't even imagine...

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a determined patient can CHEW thru their foley tubing. Not the soft rubber of the catheter itself, the clear plastic connected to the bag. I guess it helped that she had a gold tooth.

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Specializes in Paediatrics, Orthopeodics, ENT, General.
a determined patient can CHEW thru their foley tubing. Not the soft rubber of the catheter itself, the clear plastic connected to the bag. I guess it helped that she had a gold tooth.

EEEWwwwwww!!!! Imagine the calisthenics she'd have to perform to manage to get the tube into her mouth. Gotta be determined! :lol2:

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