Things you'd LOVE to tell coworkers...and get away with it!

[General E. Speaking, RN]

Please don't label this thread "negative". It is meant to be fun.

Your scrubs are ugly.

I don't think you are "cute" when you get all googley-eyed and giggly around the young docs. I think it makes nurses look bad.

I cannot BELIEVE you were nominated for A Daisy Award! Did you nominate yourself?

It's called deodorant, use it.

Do your own assessment and stop badgering me for every single detail during report.

I swear I am going to put Ex Lax all over my lunch so the next time someone calls out for the runs, I will know it is you who keeps stealing my food!

Yes, my stethoscope is nice and it was expensive. Buy your own.

No time to help me turn my patient, huh? Yet, every time you need help, I have been there for you.

Your situational awareness sucks. While you are browsing the latest deals on the internet, I am drowning. Look around and help out your coworkers.

I'm happy you look rested and ready for your shift. Next time get here 15 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and be rested and ready for you.

No, you don't ALWAYS get the crappy assignment. I don't think you'd be happy with ANY assignment.

If you're sooooo sick of this place- leave.

[aTOMicTom]

...No I'm not Facebook friends with anyone I work with and you idiots are exactly the reason why!!...

LMAO

I hate Facebook!

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

The very next time you leave the 'insulin-drip-and-hourly-blood-sugars' room without a single alcohol wipe in the cabinet, I'm going to hunt you down. Seriously.

You are turning into 'THAT nurse'. Don't be 'that nurse'!

[flashpoint]

You make me want to throw up...seriously you do! You REEK of cigarette smoke...perhaps it is because you smoke at least twice every hour. How dare you hang your stinky, smoky, pet hair covered coat over my coat. There are seven other coat hooks that don't have a thing on them. If you have to have THAT hook, at least move my coat, so it doesn't end up stinking.

What on Earth was going on when you asked me if the new IT supervisor was married? When I told you that he was, you started crying. I know you can't find a boyfriend, but crying over the IT supervisor isn't going to help! Perhaps you should stop looking for a suitable mate in bars and liquor stores. Perhaps you should stop introducing your one-night-stands to your four year old son. Perhaps you should comb your hair and iron your clothes. You also might consider being a little more discreet when you pass gas. It isn't cute anymore.

And please...WAKE UP! I can't believe you are going into empty patient rooms to sleep...and not just a thirty minute nap on your break (which we are paid for, so yes, they CAN tell us what we can and cannot do on break). You are an idiot to sleep at the nurses station. Do you see that pretty little camera up n the corner? It records everything that we do all night long. I am not going to management about it on my own, but I won't lie if they ask me if you sleep.

And...how dare you yell at me and threaten to smash my smart phone when I take a couple minutes to check my e-mail. You have eaten twice, been out to smoke numerous times, called your son at least twice, played Bubble Witch Saga (I know because you asked me for help and I recognize the music) and spent quite a while talking to the housekeeper. You did all that, but I can't check my e-mail? Really? REALLY? TOS prevents me from saying what I would like to about that.

I am glad you only work twice a month. YOU are not worth quitting over!

[runningcrazy]

1. Yes I am glad you have a family, but I worked a night shift, and they can talk to you at 0731 after I am done giving you report, not at 703,706,710, and 722.

2. No I will not give you a detailed report outside the room then go in and say hi. It is called bedside reporting for a reason, and we will do at the bedside. You can see your lines, tubes, and drains that way.

3. I appreciate that you are short staffed, but I just worked four twelve hour shifts in a row, no I am can't do another. I will not be the cause of patients receiving inadequate care, stop using scare tactics against me

[runningcrazy]

I don't care what degree you have or where you went to school. All floor nurses participate in a code brown

[Kipahni, RN]

1. You are dangerous, it is a bad sign when more than one of your aides that you are paired with come and get me to check on your patient because you refused to do anything for the patient (like the one with a bs of 32. or the one who need narcan) I get that you are new to nursing but it has been almost two years and you refuse to ask for help or even accept help when offered. Please learn to be humble. We don't expect you to know everything- we do expect you to be safe. Part of humbleness also comes with recognizing when you are wrong.

2. Your fiance is a d-bag, don't marry him and expect him to change..

3. I get that it seems like everything in your job is stressful but stop with the one-upping and exaggerating sighing.

4. 'gasp' you get another admit after discharging a patient!

Get over it- that is the nature of the beast, pt get well, go home, you get another to take it's place. That is how the hospital works last I checked.

And stop sitting on your dismissals.

5. "I'm too busy charting" is not an acceptable excuse when your patient is bleeding out.

Lastly from the other side

1. Thank you aides for helping me with my patients, you make my day so much easier

2. Thank you charge nurse for always sticking up for us and getting more help when needed even if that means ticking off House Sup. I feel like you always have my back when we work together

3. I always jump for joy whenever we work together-Let's hang out more

4. You are the best boss I have had in a long time. Can I just take you with me where ever I go to next?

[cardiacfreak, ADN]

If I see you on your cell phone one more time at the nurses station I'm going to stomp on it!

Am I busy? AM I BUSY? What the $$$$ do you think?

NO I do not want to go out for a drink after work, I don't even like you!

Can you put your big girl panties on and stop whining?

I can't help it that you have to take this next admission, you're the only one not running around like a chicken with its head cut off!

That was very therapeutic. Ahhhhhhh, what a release.

[exit96]

Really! You really have to make 2-3 personal calls while at the nurses station! Oh I see, your calling your adult child, the one that you text constantly, and you are discussing what? GET OFF THE PHONE!!! You flipping blabber mouth !!

Hey So and so, you can jump in and help whenever you notice that you aren't doing anything, and can assist with any task you'd like. You know, kinda the same way I help you without being asked?? How DO YOU sit and run your big mouth constantly and continue to be oblivious to what is going on around you!?!? I bet you drive in the left lane constantly too!

When you ask "what do you need help with" tells me you are serious. When you ask "is there anything you need help with" when I have all kinds of stuff going on and you don't, is just an insult.

Since you decided on the room assignments, and once again I got the OB/Gyn room/bed, if you are going to rush in so that the 20-30 something female can have a female nurse for catheter, pelvic witness etc, then you can rush right in there when the older females need an enema also!!! Be CONSISTENT! (To re assure all, I'd rather not be in on any of that stuff, male or female, but I'd rather be treated professionally than like a "1 step away from being a rapist" kinda guy...)

[eCCU]

There is no way you're giving me a hard time about the 22 gauge patent IV being reported in the right hand instead of the right wrist when the horrible, inaccurate report you gave me last week nearly caused the sky to come crashing down.[/quote']

Hahaha.......very vivid memories. ..smh

[metal_m0nk, BSN, RN]

If you'd stop making excuses for why you can't do your job and just do your effing job, it'd be done by now, you'd have developed a sense of organic confidence because you surpassed your own grossly underwhelming expectations of yourself, and you might eventually find that you can be the master of your own fate instead of remaining a prisoner to cowardice and envy for those who have the audacity to just ******* GET IT DONE.

[ellaballet]

yes, i see my patients call light is on. thanks for yelling down the hall to tell me and continue standing around doing nothing while i'm clearly swamped. that was a big help.

please continue yelling at me for being busy helping someone else when you needed me to boost a patient..when there were 4 RNs near by that could have helped. totally fine that when i needed your specific help because you were the only one who had transferred that patient before you were busy on your 2 hour lunch break...also remember that time i asked you to help me change YOUR soaking wet patient and you said no? thats totally fair right?

calling me gorgeous and making jokes about wishing you were my age again is a hell of a lot creepier now that i know you have a daughter a year older than me..

[Mandychelle79, ASN, RN]

I have work numerous night shifts now, it is statistically impossible that I happen to get all the "easy" nights. I am looking for things to do by 3 am on a normal basis. There is no freaking way you are as busy as you swear you are.