The Ones that Pull at Our Heartstrings....

la bellota, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

I am not sure how to answer that. I am new....but I am finding it is a day to day thing. Some days are great and I think about all the opportunities I have to make a difference even if it is small. Some days I am crying in my car and sucking it up before I walk in the door of my home. Other days I think I have buried it successfully and I think that in truth those are the days emotion bleeds out my pores.

The only thing I am sure of is taking it paso a paso, step by step.

lpnflorida · Dec 26, 2008

For the few that get into my heart, I leave work quietly praying for them on my way home. I realize we are not suppose to have favorites, but every now and then there is that certain someone who simply touches us more than others.

Melinurse · Dec 26, 2008

I try to keep my professional composure till I get into my car and pray. :heartbeat Some days I wear my heart on my sleeve.

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

For the few that get into my heart, I leave work quietly praying for them on my way home. I realize we are not suppose to have favorites, but every now and then there is that certain someone who simply touches us more than others.

For the one that I got close to that died, I literally cried the day I found out he went on life support. With both of these pts I have visited them in the ICU, mainly because even when they are hanging in life's balance, their families seldom visited. I hate the thought of anyone dying alone.

Lily C. · Dec 26, 2008

With the elderly, I just try to remember that it may be heartbreaking, but it is the natural cycle of life that must take place. And I comfort myself by thinking of how long they have lived and the happy experiences they have had.

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

With the elderly, I just try to remember that it may be heartbreaking, but it is the natural cycle of life that must take place. And I comfort myself by thinking of how long they have lived and the happy experiences they have had.

With the elderly, I'm normally ok. The problem is I now work peds. The one I lost was 23, and the one fighting for life is 17. I think their age definitely affects the way I view this.

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

Anyone else have advice? :nurse:

BelleKat, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

I struggled with this mightily,it is so much harder when it's a kid. I worked in Burns and I justified it(somewhat) by telling myself since I was an experienced burn nurse that I did their dressings,etc,other hurtful things much more ably and caused them less pain and discomfort.

With children dying it always affected me,others would wall themselves off(emotionally) to avoid feeling so much but I don't think that they're as good a nurse after that but I understand that they had to do that to survive.

As for me,I felt it and if it's a family/pt that you have become close to I sometimes cry right along with them(after they have become a dnr).

I try not to get involved but it seems I always worked in places like burns or bmtu where they are there long term and I get attached. I cry in my car,etc try and recover on my days off and sometimes I'm working with a heavy heart but I try to remember all the people that I've helped to save and know that no matter what age someone is that death is part of the life cycle. I use my experience with death to watch that no one dies alone,I will sit with them if the family is having too hard a time. It's rough but I feel priviledged in a way.

I don't know that I've explained it that well,I hope it helps some.

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2008

I struggled with this mightily,it is so much harder when it's a kid. I worked in Burns and I justified it(somewhat) by telling myself since I was an experienced burn nurse that I did their dressings,etc,other hurtful things much more ably and caused them less pain and discomfort.
With children dying it always affected me,others would wall themselves off(emotionally) to avoid feeling so much but I don't think that they're as good a nurse after that but I understand that they had to do that to survive.
As for me,I felt it and if it's a family/pt that you have become close to I sometimes cry right along with them(after they have become a dnr).
I try not to get involved but it seems I always worked in places like burns or bmtu where they are there long term and I get attached. I cry in my car,etc try and recover on my days off and sometimes I'm working with a heavy heart but I try to remember all the people that I've helped to save and know that no matter what age someone is that death is part of the life cycle. I use my experience with death to watch that no one dies alone,I will sit with them if the family is having too hard a time. It's rough but I feel priviledged in a way.
I don't know that I've explained it that well,I hope it helps some.

BelleKat, thank you sooo much! :heartbeat

I love taking care of younger pts, but when they're dying before their time, it's so hard. I don't want to cross professional boundaries, so I debated visiting the one in the PICU, but finally decided to visit. He wasn't intubated (yet, they have been debating it), he couldn't talk (too weak, just struggling to breathe), but you could tell he was thrilled to see a familiar face. After taking care of someone every 2-4 weeks for a 2-4 week admission, you're bound to get attached. I was choking back tears walking out of the ICU. If he's still in the PICU when I work next, I will visit him again (though, crossing my fingers that he'll be on the floor).

Melinurse · Dec 27, 2008

With the elderly, I'm normally ok. The problem is I now work peds. The one I lost was 23, and the one fighting for life is 17. I think their age definitely affects the way I view this.

BelleKat, thank you sooo much! :heartbeat
I love taking care of younger pts, but when they're dying before their time, it's so hard. I don't want to cross professional boundaries, so I debated visiting the one in the PICU, but finally decided to visit. He wasn't intubated (yet, they have been debating it), he couldn't talk (too weak, just struggling to breathe), but you could tell he was thrilled to see a familiar face. After taking care of someone every 2-4 weeks for a 2-4 week admission, you're bound to get attached. I was choking back tears walking out of the ICU. If he's still in the PICU when I work next, I will visit him again (though, crossing my fingers that he'll be on the floor).

One reason I don't work peds is I would get way too emotionally attached. I have a real soft spot for the kids. I just want to hold them and make it all go away. I could never be professionally composed. God bless you ChristineN and everyone who is able to work with children. I know it meant alot to the family for you to visit as well as the patient. Your kindness and compassion will definately be remembered and will be a positive part of the patients recovery.:icon_hug: There needs to be a warning on this thread about needing a tissue ( kleenex ) while reading through it. This has brought back memories of some patients I was particularly fond of. Today I went to one of my patients funeral. The family was so kind to me and so thankful. I never knew I had made that much of an impact on someone. ( my patient was over 90 yrs though and said she was ready ) :redpinkhe

Thank you ChristineN for sharing about your patient who tugged on your heart.

TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN · Dec 27, 2008

There is one patient that I always think about when I get blue. She was about my age, and came into the OR for what should have been a relatively simple, routine, procedure. Well, there was a cascade. Not of mistakes, but there was a lot more wrong with her than anyone had suspected and there was nothing we could do. We managed to patch her up enough to get her out of the OR and into the SICU for a brief time for her relatives to say goodbye basically. I have never felt so hopeless in my life. I know there was nothing anyone in the room could have done, but her case still haunts me. Life is so very fragile and transient.