The Common Ground of Nursing

[Davey Do]

@Hoosier_RN said, in another thread, "I no longer socialize with coworkers. I'm friendly, but professional, and need that separation to keep myself fresh. I've found that if I hang out with work chums,  all we talk about is work, and this just adds to the feelings of 28 years that are not the same as my feelings when I began years ago. I surround myself with people who share my other interests", which set me to thinking.

There's a common ground that we Nurses feel with our compadres, having been in the front trenches, relying upon one another. We feel especially close to those who have the same high standards as do we.

"All we talk about is work" is often the chain that binds our relationship. The chain, the bond of our relationship, our work, defines our relationship. Often times, when that bond is broken, so goes the relationship.

Hoosier's action of loosening that bond a bit can be seen as a two edged sword. We need the camaraderie, but we also need to divert our attention and pursue other interests. We need to possess something else which is important to us in order to refresh ourselves so that we may return to the workaday world.

My closest coworker/friends at Wrongway Regional Medical Center in geriatric psych were my work wife Eleanor and my brother in arms Rooty Payne, psych tech. In response to Hoosier's post, I said, "I've had some of the best, closest relationships with people I've worked with, only to have them fade away once that chain is broken. Even though one or the other of us tries to keep the friendship momentum going, it never lasts.

I figure one of the reasons is because I'm such a loner, keep to myself, and am attracted to others who choose a similar lifestyle."

Eleanor and Rooty are like me, in that they are fulfilled within their own lives and do not need a relationship with me in order to carry on. I haven't communicated with Eleanor, except though Rooty, since I was "Fired & Retired" from Wrongway nearly a year ago, and I'm okay with that. I'm sure Eleanor is, also.

Rooty and I communicate through emails and texts every so often, but we discuss little to nothing about Wrongway. Our conversations mainly focus on our interests, our respective spouses, and the fun we have chiding each other.

The reasons why I believe Rooty and my relationship has continued is due to his moves to stay in contact, our fondness for each other, but also because of my little Sister's death last Spring. Rooty asked if there was anything that he could do, and I replied, "Yeah- just keep in contact". Rooty has done just that.

It's nice to know that Rooty and my common ground continues and may or may not be enhanced at any given point. But what is important is the fact that we once shared a common ground of nursing.

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

Thank you for you your posts, Davey. I do find it surprising that you are a loner though, I would have thought you more as a social butterfly based off your posts!

I too have had a lot of friendships fade after the work relationship was terminated, but I have had a few stay intact, and an even smaller few grow closer than just being work or nursing friends. Most of the time, I've been okay with this as most relationships are temporary and serve a purpose. I will admit that a couple of times I've been let down, thinking that a work friendship was deeper than it was. In one case I was literally dropped like a hot potato after leaving despite having daily communication with this person for years prior to leaving. I haven't heard from this person since the moment our work relationship ended despite numerous attempts at reaching out, it stung a bit but I accepted it. 

The lesson I learned from that experience was to temper my expectations towards relationships formed at work. To realize that most of them will be seasonal and that that's okay and doesn't even devalue the friendship, it just is what it is. 

It does feel kind of gloomy though.

[Davey Do]

3 hours ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

 I do find it surprising that you are a loner though, I would have thought you more as a social butterfly based off your posts!

I am a firm believer in the predisposed personality template. Mom and Dad were both extremely sociable and charming people, but they were their own best company. We all could give good public performances, but preferred to be private people.

Th alliteration was unintentional.

3 hours ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

 In one case I was literally dropped like a hot potato after leaving despite having daily communication with this person for years prior to leaving. I haven't heard from this person since the moment our work relationship ended despite numerous attempts at reaching out, it stung a bit but I accepted it. 

Yeah- I can understand and identify with you a bit.

21 hours ago, Davey Do said:

 I haven't communicated with Eleanor, except though Rooty, since I was "Fired & Retired" from Wrongway nearly a year ago, and I'm okay with that. I'm sure Eleanor is, also.

Soon after I left Wrongway, Rooty texted me and told me that Eleanor was mad. Now, I don't know if she was angry at me for potentiating the situation that led to me being fired, or if she was mad at administration for firing me.

Either way, I texted Rooty back with "We all have to grieve in our own way".

Perhaps, Moon, dropping you like a hot potato was your coworker's method in dealing with their feelings.

Part of me is a little put off by Eleanor not contacting me after I was canned. But the other part of me says, "Hey- live and let live".

I will always have fond memories of our 16 1/2 years together which doesn't sound nearly as poetic as "We'll always have Paris", but, what the hey.

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

6 hours ago, Davey Do said:

 

Perhaps, Moon, dropping you like a hot potato was your coworker's method in dealing with their feelings.

 

Absolutely, and I wish her no ill will and never had any anger towards her. It just hurt. It's never fun to be reminded how small and unimportant one is.

[RNperdiem, RN]

Transitions in life like retirement, moving away and other big changes often bring in some loneliness, even if only or a short while. I hear a bit of loneliness there,  Davey Do.

My son called from college today. It is his first year and I can hear the trace of loneliness of a student who takes a lot of classes online alone in his room, has a hard time making friends, and most of the activities on campus for new people to join are all closed down. When I was at home as a new mom, I was lonely for my coworkers, even the ones I didn't really like. I hadn't realized that work was a big part of my social interaction until it was gone.

 

[Davey Do]

2 hours ago, RNperdiem said:

 I hear a bit of loneliness there,  Davey Do.

We often project our feelings onto others, putting ourselves  in their situation, RNperdiem. That could be one of the reasons for sensing a bit of loneliness.

I started a thread in the Retired Nurses forum, titled "What Do You Miss About Nursing?" and noted that I do not miss one thing about not being a Nurse.

I stated "I am enjoying my retirement to the Nth degree and miss absolutely nothing about working as a Nurse!"

I am an antisocial recluse artist and am probably the happiest that I've ever been in my life. I leave my property only to go on bicycle rides or to go into town with Belinda. If I didn't feel like I had to go with her, I wouldn't.

But as has oft been said, "Happy wife, happy life".

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

9 hours ago, Davey Do said:

We often project our feelings onto others, putting ourselves  in their situation, RNperdiem. That could be one of the reasons for sensing a bit of loneliness.

I started a thread in the Retired Nurses forum, titled "What Do You Miss About Nursing?" and noted that I do not miss one thing about not being a Nurse.

I stated "I am enjoying my retirement to the Nth degree and miss absolutely nothing about working as a Nurse!"

I am an antisocial recluse artist and am probably the happiest that I've ever been in my life. I leave my property only to go on bicycle rides or to go into town with Belinda. If I didn't feel like I had to go with her, I wouldn't.

But as has oft been said, "Happy wife, happy life".

I'm glad you're enjoying your retirement, you certainly did your time!

[SmilingBluEyes]

Enjoy your retirement Davey. I won't miss it either when my turn comes.

[Bella ' s mimi]

I left my place of employment in 2015 to move to Florida. I was friends with 2 of the other nurses . We still actually keep in touch. We ve even gotten together a few times. 

[guest1163268]

On 2/23/2021 at 2:03 PM, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

Absolutely, and I wish her no ill will and never had any anger towards her. It just hurt. It's never fun to be reminded how small and unimportant one is.

That's the one thing I like being reminded of! Just how small and insignificant I am. 

It keeps me grounded and grateful. My parents have two mottos, Gratitude and Consideration! 

Except for my family, I don't rely on anyone else and I am also a happy loner. Sharing experiences is wonderful for some people, but I think we are all walking in different shoes and are almost never in the same place re our perspective. We can relate to other experiences, but my Swedish Grandad who speaks very little, says, that a person has to get to a place where they possess the impact of an experience without needing external affirmations to explain it to you!

He basically means that you have to view life through your own eyes to really understand the experience. 

I have outside friends, no work friends because I like the objectivity. I am friendly enough with them for a good working relationship, but I find that not sharing personal things, means that there's less to worry about. 

There's just too much to experience currently from so many mediums, to dilute the experience with other people's views. 

I'm still young so I might feel differently as I get older.