The Best Advice I Never Got

**VivaLasViejas**, ASN, RN

One of the privileges of having one's own blog, I have discovered, is being able to hold forth on almost any subject I choose. Whether anyone wants to read my mental meanderings is beyond my control......but I sure do enjoy writing 'em.

As another birthday streaks toward me at the speed of light, I find myself once again channelling my mother, which means being progressively less able to control the primal urge to review the years that are piling up behind me and then to pontificate upon the lessons learned. Of course, her experiences led her to wax philosophical on such weighty topics as being a "lady" while I, on the other hand, am more apt to perform these assessments with the purpose of understanding, and then sharing, the nuggets of wisdom that come from learning absolutely EVERYTHING the hard way.

Here is some of the best advice I never got......all of it "stuff" I wish I'd known much earlier in my life and career. However, they are but a few of the things that have made a difference---not only in my own life, but in those of my family, patients, and even co-workers.

1) Treat everyone you meet with respect. It doesn't matter if the person is your patient, your boss, or the waitress serving your lunch table---respect should ALWAYS be your default position when it comes to dealing with your fellow human beings. Unless they prove themselves to be unworthy, there is simply no justification for behaving as if people were mere bits of trash to be used and discarded when you're through with them. I've found that even the most difficult people will usually respond positively to being treated as though they matter.....that is, after all, what most of us want and need.

2) Realize that almost nobody wakes up in the morning thinking, "Now let's see, whose day can I ruin today?" The truth is, the vast majority of folks are doing the best they can........even if their best isn't up to your standards. The guy who just cut you off in traffic didn't Google your name and face and decide to harass you today; the CNA working with you isn't trying to make your life miserable by forgetting to total up the I & Os at the end of the shift. Don't take everything in life so personally; it's not all about you!

3) Give life all you've got---even if all you're capable of on a bad day is 50% of your usual. Everybody goes through times when energy is low and anxiety is high, but it doesn't mean giving less effort.

Today, for me, was the end of a crazy week that was like being nibbled to death by ducks---there was way too much to do, with too many distractions and too many changes in too short a time. I was tired, and I didn't feel all that great either, but got through it the best way I could. Then, as I was leaving work tonight, my boss called to me across the parking lot, "Awesome work today! Thank you!"

I was puzzled. "Thanks.....but what did I do?"

"You showed up. You worked hard."

But I do that every day, I protested. In fact, I've long operated under the principle that it's what I'm supposed to do. To which he responded, "You busted your butt to make things happen. I know it's been a long hard week, but you gave 110% and got the situation under control."

Demand the best from yourself, always. And for goodness' sake, DON'T make excuses. The people we nurses care for deserve nothing less.

4) Do the tasks that you see as your most challenging first. If your assignment includes a patient with a reputation for being demanding or needy, go see that patient before you make rounds on the others (after you've made sure everyone is breathing, of course). Even after years of following this practice, I never cease to be amazed at the dividends reaped by investing the first 10-15 minutes of the day in a "difficult" patient, assessing his/her needs and talking with the patient about how those needs will be met. All most people really want is to be heard, anyway.......and if they feel they've been heard by a responsive caregiver, they are much less apt to abuse the call light or become a time vacuum!

5) Finally, remember: The world doesn't care about the labor pains; it only wants to see the baby. In other words, it wants results, and it doesn't give a rodent's rump that you're overdrawn again, or your kid is acting up in school, or your second ex-husband is hassling you. We've all met the nurse who becomes so distracted from her duties by the drama in her personal life that her patients suffer; it's as if her brain has vapor-locked and all she can focus on is what's happening at home. But nurses are paid to hold human lives in our hands---a privilege few people are ever granted---and we owe it to our patients to be fully present while we're doing it.

Just some food for thought on a rainy Friday evening at home with a fire crackling merrily in the brick fireplace, the dog snoring at my feet, and the hubby dozing contentedly in the La-Z-Boy. Yes, getting older does have its advantages......not the least of which are an appreciation for the examined life, and an endless supply of advice to pass on to the next generation.

The Best Advice I Never Got

About VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

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