Talking Dirty

I didn't know where to post this. Sorry if I am in the wrong forum.

I have a healthy active hetero sex life. I work with mostly women as a nurse on a Med Surg floor. When we are slow the nurse sit around the nurses station chatting and the chat inevitably turns to sex. I don't know why but I become uncomfortable and embarrased when I over hear young women talking about their sex lives, their sex practices and their sex humor. I try to go some where else on the unit when there is sex talk and I am not about to tell them to stop.

Does any one have any witty one liners that might stop all this dirty talk? Or anything else that might lessen it.

My advice? RUN, DON'T WALK to your nearest HR person or your nurse manager. This is not acceptable in the workplace. I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but sex talk at work is very inappropriate. Someone is going to cry sexual harrassment, and then you will be out of a job. This could even get turned around on you merely because of your gender. If a patient overhears, if a big-wig in the hospital overhears, you are all going to be in big trouble. This is not a laughing matter.

I agree, this is inappropriate. Before going to HR it would be best to remind your co-workers that this sort of talk at the nurses' station makes you uncomfortable and you would like them to stop it. If that doesn't work, then you can complain to management.

Maybe ask them how they would feel if you were the one sitting down discussing your sexual exploits--I'm betting they wouldn't be as comfortable and you would get into trouble.

I had a lady in ICU that would harass me every time I brought a patient up. Do things like watch me walk out, whistling, asking if I ever cheat on my wife with older women etc. I reported her, and she got "asked to resign". After 20+ years she is no longer an employee. This stuff is a BIG deal, but I do think it is our responsibility to ask them to stop before you go running to HR (I tried to no avail).

Just tread carefully because there could be retaliation if it's not handled well.

i might take a two prong approach, i might have a private chat with the NM, explaining to her that i was going to try to manage it myself...but wanted to give her/him a heads up first, in case it back fired.....actually had a fellow address this once, the persons to whom he spoke simply acknowledge his point and the conversation went in a different direction....good luck

I know a nurse who was directly affected by this - and this nurse is honestly one of the best nurses I have ever known. Because he is male, all that had to be said was "harrassment" - and he was transferred (luckily - it was an upward move, because he was above reproach, but the fact that there was even the possibility that someone could use those words and bring about a big response, justified or not, is horrible.)

So - while I cuss like a sailor and secretly listen to Eminem in the parking lot (shhh... don't tell anyone, please?) - there's no room for X-rated talk no matter what your gender/orientation/experience.

Personally, I'd try a well placed - "TMI!" or "Save it for the parking lot, ladies." But, I have issues with management and HR. :)

Certainly, if I were a guy, I'd figure out some way to cover my own rear (sorry if that term is offensive. ) Maybe a quick email to the supervisor or HN saying something like "I recently asked a group of my peers to keep the conversation G-rated while at work and I wanted to let you know about it in case anyone came to you. I wouldn't want the patients to overhear anything innappropriate that would reflect negatively on our team and our facility. Thanks, Nurse So-and-So."

Then if anything ever comes back to you, you can not only say you were innocent, but that you tried to create positive change.

But that's just a thought. Maybe I'm a wimp, too.

I disagree with going straight to your nurse manager. She may be obligated by company policy to report all complaints of harrassment to HR. I had an incident where a co-worker was sexually harrassing me, I did not tell my nurse manager, but someone else did, and we were in the HR office so fast. Incidentally, even though management believes me when I say I was harrassed, they have not fired the prepatrator, and have tried to get me to agree to work with him!

do yourself a your co-workers a favor...don't run to the nearest human resource pen pusher and tattle. be grown-up and professional and confront the issue with the accused. let them know your feelings on the issue. if things continue to upset you talk to the floor manager.

i'm sorry madwife 2002, i did'nt read your post, but your response is exactly how i feel and what i've recommended.

i agree about going to your coworkers first.

if that doesn't work, go up the chain.

it's really unfortunate that it even comes to this.

you would think that we 'professionals' should know better.

leslie

Sorry dont agree with running straight to HR I really cannot understand people who dont directly face the problem and attempt to deal with the situation themselves, and give the offenders a chance to change before you go and ruin their career.

We are all to quick to go the cowards way and let somebody else deal with our problems and in the long run it causes people a lot more misery.

Talk to one of the crowd and explain how you feel or bring it up in a floor meeting. then if nothing changes go to HR but come on give them a chance.

Of course there is always the option of "taking the cowards way out" and letting "somebody else deal with the problem". I am talking about covering your a$$ here. This will invariably be turned around on the person who complains about it to their co-workers directly. I've seen it happen. Another small bit of helpful advice is to document times and places the offending comments are made. As useless as most managers and HR personnel are, it is still their jobs to deal with this kind of thing, however unpleaant the task.

Thanks for all your replies

I really prefer to remain anonymous in this situation, so I think I may just leave a typed message to the Head Nurse or HR about the kind of talk that is sometimes heard at the nurses station and that some of the staff are uncomfortable with it.

Peace.