Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.
I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?
The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.
I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.
Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.
Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?
Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.
Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.
Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?
After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.
So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Hey, I'll get the ball rolling for those of you playing tonight:
In my list of mandatory online education for work, one is about lateral violence in the OR. Guess they're trying to improve the workplace environment and decrease perceived bullying that isn't really as much of a problem as some people seem to think it is. Seriously, my manager said something to me about someone who was offended that I didn't say good morning to them this morning. Well, it was early, and they were speaking from behind me on my right side, where I suffer from partial deafness. Being slightly sleepy and not giving the extra attention to my weaker side as I normally do at work (not yet in patient care areas), I didn't hear that person say anything. And because someone was a little too sensitive, I get called on the carpet .
For the love of Mike. I'm trying to get a mental image of someone going to a manager whining and crying that, "She didn't say 'Good morning' to me!"
Maybe we need to make a month in boot camp a pre-req to admission to nursing school. If people can't handle someone not greeting them, then maybe they need to spend a couple of weeks with a drill sergeant to see what being bullied really feels like.
Maybe we need to make a month in boot camp a pre-req to admission to nursing school. If people can't handle someone not greeting them, then maybe they need to spend a couple of weeks with a drill sergeant to see what being bullied really feels like.
Having spent considerable time in the presence of drill sergeants throughout the course of my career, I wouldn't call their behavior "bullying". While I can see how it could easily be mistaken as such, the end goal of a drill sergeant training recruits is much, much different than that of a bully.
I see an ever increasing thought process in administration that a certain floor or nurse had it easy because after all they have nurses on orientation that day. I also see a trend that staffing decisions are being made because nursing students are on the floor so the CNA's are pulled or cancelled. Leaving a floor short handed... for now the nurses have to do the responsibilities that are assigned to the CNA and watch the students...leaving the nurses overwhelmed and unable to give anyone the proper attention.
None of these situations will give the nurse extra patience nor will it give the new nurse a good experience. They are tossed on their own too soon to repeat this cycle of undereducated inexperienced nurses. It frightens me for the future.
This illuminates my experience at my last clinical a little bit more. The CNAs thought we were there to the work they were "above" doing but we actually weren't there to do at all (i.e. feed pts) and many were being sent home since that hospital also had access to volunteers who were actually there to help get supplies and feed pts. The clinical I had before, the CNAs requested our assistance but did not feel entitled to it so this was a strange experience.
I see a lot of what the OP described even within my own cohort. They swear they are owed this, this, that and the other thing and oh woe to them if they don't get it or things are going how they expected. I am surprised at how some people are so freaking entitled and it really is amongst the younger "Facebook" generation that must post every single thing they do like it's their lifeblood. It's weird! They're the ones who wonder what the heck happened when they get bounced from a program for oversharing on social media. And they can't be bothered to understand why that happened because, "lol NBD it's just a pic." It makes me feel old already. And seriously, how can they deal with pts who are dealing with more misery and suffering than they could ever understand!? Kids these days! Hmph.
I agree, though, that it seems "emerging adulthood" at the ages of 24+ is actually a thing. I never would have hoped that would be true but it really is. And the attitudes and work ethic are major indicators of how detrimental it is to the work place in general.
But there ARE plenty of times when it is actual bullying. Even if the aggressor would like to call it constructive criticism...
Yes, I totally agree. Before I became an LPN, I was enrolled in a cosmetology school to become a cosmetologist. The instructor there gave me sheer H-e-l-l, everyday. That woman picked & picked at me, telling me "you can't cut hair, you'll never pass your hairdresser boards, etc., etc." She was also giving me failing grades, and not explaining my failing scores to me, after I would study many hours for tests. It became so bad, that I had to drop out and enroll in another cosmetology school. At the new school I got along wonderfully with the new instructor, made all A's and later passed my hairdresser boards on the first try! :) After working two years as a beautician, I decided hairdressing wasn't for me though, I wanted a job in the medical field. I later became an LPN. Therefore, I do believe some people in authority truly have to have a "power trip" and purposely try to ruin others lives or careers. It's sad, but true.
I'm over all of this bullying nonsense. You can only be bullied if you allow it. People need to grow a backbone and stand up for themselves. Much of what people perceive as bullying is simply them not being babied.
I disagree. Sometimes people can't stand up for themselves... For an example, if a nursing instructor is picking on a certain student constantly, & giving them failing grades, it's hard for a student to defend their self. Who is the college going to believe, the student or professor? Sometimes teachers ARE bullies. I've dealt with this situation myself in the past, & posted about it in a post above...
I disagree. Sometimes people can't stand up for themselves... For an example, if a nursing instructor is picking on a certain student constantly, & giving them failing grades, it's hard for a student to defend their self. Who is the college going to believe, the student or professor? Sometimes teachers ARE bullies. I've dealt with this situation myself in the past, & posted about it in a post above...
I stood up to a bullying teacher with a power trip issue in my PN program-she was the LEAST qualified but butter wouldn't melt in her mouth
She couldn't fail me, due to me talking to the director on a basic technique she was trying to grill me about, and she was wrong, but was able to get my name off a honors list; she won that battle, but lost the war-graduate AND got on honors.
Once again, you fail to realize the point of my post. Every older generation has complained about the newer generation since before the age of Christ, all of the complaints being very similiar: youth are disrespectful, my generation was NEVER this bad, and all the youngins complain too much. What makes you and yours so special?
I know that you have a bias against the younger generation from your previous posts, but one cannot deny that this isn't anything new. You say that you and yours were so respectful, but you also didn't have the internet in which you could read the grumblings and frustrations of an older person with the younger crowd, so who is to say that the silver bird nurses felt differently about the baby boomers? I'm willing to bet they didn't. Again, you are putting yourself/your generation on a pedastal when in fact this is just history repeating itself. You, yourself, may not have complained and felt bullied, but you cannot speak for the other millions of BBs out there.
Also, one can't blame the newer generation without taking a look at those who raised them. If all of us youngins behave so poorly, are so sensitive and complain so much, we must have learned it from somewhere. Children are a reflection of their parents; we are not born acting a certain way, but learn from others.
I'm sure in thirty-years' time, I'll be complaining about the younger generation just as you have complained about me. It is the Circle of Life.
I've seen that quote multiple times. The thing is, though, 38 years ago, no one whined about being "bullied" every time they were corrected or someone didn't like them or things didn't go the way they wanted. While I'm sure that there were times my mentors wanted to drop kick me off the planet -- and sometimes expressed their frustration in terms that were less than pleasant -- most of us young'ins realized that we were in much need of correction, education and mentoring. We expressed the utmost of respect for those crusty old nurses -- and would have been immediately slapped down if we hadn't. We took the correction, extracted the nuggets of useful information from the tirade about our stupidity in flooding the soiled utility room with human waste or raising the brand new electric bed to it's highest without checking to see that the attached IV pole didn't punch out the over bed light fixture or simply blowing the stopper out of the penicillin bottle by injecting too much air (again) and let the rest roll off our backs. Even when we newbies were gathered around a pitcher of margaritas and a basket of chips, when we talked about our nurse mentors, it was with respect. I don't remember ever complaining or hearing someone complain "she was mean to me" or "she's a bully." Instead, we bemoaned our own ignorance and professed our intent to be as competent one day as they were.
"Bully", "lateral violence," "horizontal violence" and "nurses eat their young" are all relatively recent buzzwords. And while I'm sure that the internet has been flooded with "literature" and "studies" about bullying in nursing, I suspect it has more to do with a dearth of ideas or subject matter for real or useful nursing research than it has to do with there being any more bullies or violence in nursing than in any other field. Doctors research viruses and surgical techniques and pharmaceuticals, nurses, it seems, research interpersonal relations in a higher proportion than other disciplines seem to. Hence the plethora of "documentation" about how nursing is seething with young-eating, crusty old bullies.
It's a shame, really, that real bullying has been so devalued. These days it seems to be more about "nothing is every my fault" than it is about your boss shoving you into the furniture, the other nurse keying your car, the RT perched on the bridge with a handgun shooting at nurses arriving at work or any other real violence.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Having spent considerable time in the presence of drill sergeants throughout the course of my career, I wouldn't call their behavior "bullying". While I can see how it could easily be mistaken as such, the end goal of a drill sergeant training recruits is much, much different than that of a bully.
I was sort of expecting you to call me out for wording it that way. I just couldn't think of the right way to say it. Perhaps a better way would be to say that after spending several weeks under harsh conditions, they'd be better prepared to handle the hospital environment.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I disagree. Sometimes people can't stand up for themselves... For an example, if a nursing instructor is picking on a certain student constantly, & giving them failing grades, it's hard for a student to defend their self. Who is the college going to believe, the student or professor? Sometimes teachers ARE bullies. I've dealt with this situation myself in the past, & posted about it in a post above...
Sometimes you have to go deep within yourself and just stand up and say "Enough!" I had a couple instructors who made my life miserable, but my ICU instructor...that woman painted a target on my back from Day 1. She would ridicule me in pre and post conference, and when we were on the floor it was nearly unbearable. I'm a very sensitive person, so it was torture to be around someone who was breathing down my neck. She had a meeting with me and kept saying how she was going to fail me, and that I had no business being a nurse. Something snapped inside me when she said that, and told her to go ahead and fail me, that my grades would still be good enough for me to pass. She had plans to torment me on the last day of clinical, but I told her I was going to take my one allowed clinical absence that day. She ended up giving me a "C" for clinical...after all that sturm und drang.
You have to learn how to stick up for yourself, because in many cases, no one else will do it for you.
Sometimes you have to go deep within yourself and just stand up and say "Enough!" I had a couple instructors who made my life miserable, but my ICU instructor...that woman painted a target on my back from Day 1. She would ridicule me in pre and post conference, and when we were on the floor it was nearly unbearable. I'm a very sensitive person, so it was torture to be around someone who was breathing down my neck. She had a meeting with me and kept saying how she was going to fail me, and that I had no business being a nurse. Something snapped inside me when she said that, and told her to go ahead and fail me, that my grades would still be good enough for me to pass. She had plans to torment me on the last day of clinical, but I told her I was going to take my one allowed clinical absence that day. She ended up giving me a "C" for clinical...after all that sturm und drang.
You have to learn how to stick up for yourself, because in many cases, no one else will do it for you. [/QUO
Again, every situation is different, and sometimes sticking up for yourself isn't possible. Sometimes you have to change jobs or schools in a situation. I did stick up for myself in cosmetology school (story in above post). I went in to the office of the bullying instructor of the cosmetology school I was in & told her she was a "bad instructor, and I would taking my money & time elsewhere," which I did. I don't regret my decision at all.
Again, every situation is different, and sometimes sticking up for yourself isn't possible. Sometimes you have to change jobs or schools in a situation. I did stick up for myself in cosmetology school (story in above post). I went in to the office of the bullying instructor of the cosmetology school I was in & told her she was a "bad instructor, and I would taking my money & time elsewhere," which I did. I don't regret my decision at all.
If the only way to stop it is to leave the situation, then you are standing up for yourself by no longer accepting the bad behavior.
As others have stated, you can't change other's behavior...however, you can change how you react to it.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
If you never learn how to stand up for yourself, you're going to have a hard time no matter where you work. It's not feasible to up and quit whenever you have conflict.
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OCNRN63, RN
5,979 Posts
For the love of Mike. I'm trying to get a mental image of someone going to a manager whining and crying that, "She didn't say 'Good morning' to me!"
Maybe we need to make a month in boot camp a pre-req to admission to nursing school. If people can't handle someone not greeting them, then maybe they need to spend a couple of weeks with a drill sergeant to see what being bullied really feels like.