A new grad, young nurse landed her DREAM job. Or what she thought would be her dream job in ICU. After orientation and on her own, she quit and said she thought she was dangerous and could kill a patient. The training was poor and the bullying was second to worst I have seen. That day she went home and gave up her life. Later, her parents notified the floor/ unit.
Now, obviously not every nurse under these circumstances has the same outcome. But, what can be done to change the (mean-girl- middle school) culture on floor? Who do you complain to? Who recognizes this as an issue with not just that nurse but many whom have left the floor for the same reasons?
How do you cope, who should be there to help nurses cope? Has this happened where you work?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
II reiterate, How you recover has a lot to do with coping skills. I felt absolutely worthless for a little while, until I brushed myself off and started a jos in my favorite specialty. I know, not everyone is capable of that, and my heart goes out to those people.
I think how we raise our kids makes a difference. I have raised my kids in the "everyone gets a trophy" era. However, I taught my kids that sometimes life kicks your ass, you WILL have disappointments and things will definitely not always go your way. So far, they are well-adjusted and resilient. I was never a helicopter mom and I let them fail and learn. I think that makes a difference. Too many people can't cope with everyday failures and disappointments and want constant praise/approval for just living. I always used to say to my kids, "no one is gonna reward you for drawing oxygen and making waste". You have to actually work to get anything you want in this world.
When I was growing up, if an adult said to me or the kids I knew, "Buck up", we didn't crumble, fall apart and want to end our lives. We simply just "bucked up" and got on with it.
It's an unfortunate trend of today that people think they should be rewarded for simply showing up and not striving for excellence (note: NOT perfection)---- and producing a lot of poorly-adjusted adults. It's gonna cost us all. It already is.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Of course, some people could have made some rude, hurtful remarks or treated her unsupportively. Kind of like here when meanmaryjane told Spouse she was going to make popcorn when Spouse was distraught about his marriage.
We might think we know when someone is trolling here or we might think a person needs professional counseling (and he or she might). But we don't know 100% for sure here on a Board.
It's usually wiser, kinder to be nice, even at the price of feeling foolish or thinking that you're being taken for a ride.
There is a nice way to tell somebody to drop dead.
Ok, I will bite. "Spouse" had zero business coming on this board and dissing an entire profession for his own failings in his personal life. He got what comes when you do that, push-back. And when people TRIED to help him with heartfelt, genuine advice, more excuses and whining and resistance. It was a hot mess. He got what he came for; he just didn't know it when he saw it.
A new grad, young nurse landed her DREAM job. Or what she thought would be her dream job in ICU. After orientation and on her own, she quit and said she thought she was dangerous and could kill a patient. The training was poor and the bullying was second to worst I have seen. That day she went home and gave up her life. Later, her parents notified the floor/ unit.
Now, obviously not every nurse under these circumstances has the same outcome. But, what can be done to change the (mean-girl- middle school) culture on floor? Who do you complain to? Who recognizes this as an issue with not just that nurse but many whom have left the floor for the same reasons?
How do you cope, who should be there to help nurses cope? Has this happened where you work?
That new grad reminds me of myself. Except, obviously, I'm still alive. But, after I ended up leaving my first nursing job on a cardiac PCU after only 3 months, a forced decision, my mood plummeted to one of the worst lows I've ever experienced. Not saying her decision was right, but I understand why she did what she did. Feeling like a failure is one of the worst feelings ever, ESPECIALLY after you have spent years in school, committing yourself to your profession. So, I can relate to how difficult it can be to see a bright future after a disappointing and, in her case, devastating situation.
Her unit reminds me of my old one, as well. I wouldn't say that my coworkers were mean, but most of them were not supportive. And I did feel like they did more to get me off the unit than to help me stay. More than one of them made it known they felt I wasn't right for their unit. But, I have begun to accept the fact that they did have valid concerns and that my skills and learning style didn't match what they were looking for.
Not having actually observed "bullying," per se, I can't really say what we need to do to eliminate "mean girl" culture. However, all of us as nurses should always do our best to encourage our newbie coworkers. We need to remember that we were all new at once, and welcome any new person who may end up being one of our strongest teammates. No one is obligated to "babysit" their coworkers and if someone just isn't grasping something, for the patient's sake, it does need to be brought up. But, there is a way to provide constructive criticism without bringing one down. There is even a way to say that something might not be the right fit without someone feeling completely worthless. Some might say that nurses need thick skin, and while that is true, we should remember to show the same kindness and compassion to our coworkers that we do our patients. We should not have to tolerate others bringing us down because we need to "learn to be tough."
As for who to complain to, I'm not sure that complaining is the right answer. It rarely solves anything. You could always express to the manager that you feel you or someone else is being disrespected, but chances are, they will value the opinion of the employee who has been their the longest and who has earned their trust. Right or wrong, that is the way it is. However, if you notice that a new nurse is having a tough time, you can do your part to be supportive and encouraging.
As for my coping skills, I don't really recommend them as mine are quite inadequate at times. As for who should be there to support nurses--ideally, everyone, but we all know that there are some people you cannot count on. If a nurse is not finding support at the job she or he is at, they need to find it elsewhere. Obviously, the nurse in the above paragraph needed outside support. The same situation almost happened to me, but I'm now working as a nurse elsewhere and my mood has greatly improved. I have not known this to happen to anyone else, though. From what I can tell, my classmates are thriving, which, honestly, is what we all want to see.
Specializes in Documentation, Medication Administration.
The problem we have is that... bosses care more about customer satisfaction, not the employees' satisfaction at all. At least, it feels that way. Nurses feel underappreciated and that nothing they do will ever be good enough so some quit. To the nurse who committed suicide, I understand her pain although I've never worked at an ICU before. She must've been so overwhelmed with many responsibilites and so afraid that she might accidentally kill a patient.
A little secret... I've... thought about wanting to off myself but I've never actually went through with it.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
In my first position in OB nursing (my absolute dream), I was given quite a hard time. They would throw me into situations I was not ready to tackle, like postpartum hemorrhages, and let me struggle. There was zero handholding or encouragement/positive feedback but just all words about how I was lacking. The doctors were frustrated with me, cause I was no help in such situations; the patients had no confidence in me cause I did not know what I did not know and they could sense it. I felt like a fool.
I wanted to quit. I would get stomach aches on workdays. I would not sleep at night. I told my husband I wanted to quit and he said "so quit, it's not worth it". But I did not really want to quit; I wanted to succeed. OB was my dream all through nursing school and I was not about to give it up so easily.
I realized, I could either fight or flight. I decided to fight. I told these "mean" girls they could either teach and train me to be a valuable team player who could jump into any emergency and do her part, or one who was a burden who did not know what to do. I called them on their meanness, like when one threw a (clean) trash bag in my face and demanded I clean up a post-delivery room. I called her on that and told her I would not tolerate her throwing things in my face and talking to me that way.
It changed. Slowly. Not overnight. But I showed them I was not going to be chased off, tail between my legs, or run to the manager and tattle. I knew what was going on. It was not right, but I knew how to stop it. And I did.
2 years later, these "mean girls" where throwing me a surprise baby shower. I was definitely part of the team, and if not loved, at least, respected by them.
Sometimes we have to buck up and be strong. I am not saying at ALL, bullying and lateral violence should ever exist. Clearly, they should not. But I also knew, having been bullied in middle school, how these folks think, and that it's about their insecurities, not mine.
Clearly, I did not have all the psychological elements of the suicidal person. Suicide or self-harm never crossed my mind once. I feel for those for whom this seems a reasonable, viable option to end the horrific pain in their lives. It's no joke and it's real. But I also know there MUST be a heck of a lot more going on in a person who would chose such a final end to temporary problems.
In the 25 years I've worked where I've worked, we've had one known suicide. His wasn't related to being a new grad. We do have the issues of stress, burnout and high turnover.
Nursing schools should do a better job at preparing new grads for the real world. They are sheltered by their teachers and sometimes even during their final preceptorship. I do a lot of precepting and almost always they want to just shadow or take one patient. I go "no, put up your phone, roll up your sleeves and take a patient assignment that will challenge you. By the end of your preceptorship you're going to take a full load (with me beside you) and be ready for the real world.
When work orientation is over, it's over, and you're on your own and you're coworkers are going to be deep in the weeds themselves and can't always be there. This is a very cruel transition sometimes, but put on your big people panties and go for the ride. Ask for what you need.
I can't address lateral violence because fortunately that doesn't go on on my unit. I will say many new grads are sometimes too raw and sensitive and describe "did you see how she yelled at me???". Me: Yes, and that wasn't "yelling" that was her giving you information about something you did wrong. Yelling is raising your voice and she didn't do that.
Disclaimer: I never said lateral violence doesn't happen or isn't a problem.
In 2010, one of my ASN classmates committed suicide after he failed the clinical examination. He was the last remaining LPN at his facility and was employed as an ICU nurse...remaining as such was contingent upon his graduating and passing the NCLEX.
I had many, many conversations with him after I passed my exam, but prior to him taking his exam. I can tell you that his expectations and confidence were abnormally high...to the point of his boasting about this and that...one of those things being that he was an ICU LPN, and thought the rest of us to be beneath his status, and therefore he did not feel the need to prepare. I jokingly (but seriously) implored him to cease with the arrogance. He would not and did not. He failed, lost his job...the rest is history.
Needless to say, he felt suicide was far easier than facing those he insulted. There may not be any correlation, but what a coincidence it was that the college hosted a suicide prevention seminar shortly thereafter.
Similar to some of our labs, confidence (or lack thereof) to the extreme on either end of the scale can and apparently will lead to the same tragic end in some people.
The truth is that all people have a breaking point! No one knows what theirs is but the right amount of events with the right time and right frame of mind it can happen to anyone.
Also many people do not have adequate support systems or coping skills as adults and who knows what they endured growing up. Often times people are ridiculed or perceived as weak when they show any difficulties or pain so they do feel safe enough to confide in anyone. I have noticed in nursing the minute any perceived weakness will be pounced on by peers!! Even though nursing is s caring profession that does not guarantee caring among coworkers. So people deal with stuff the best they can. You never know what someone else goes through which is why we need to be kind and respectful to one another. People are fragile
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Also many people do not have adequate support systems or coping skills as adults and who knows what they endured growing up. Often times people are ridiculed or perceived as weak when they show any difficulties or pain so they do feel safe enough to confide in anyone. I have noticed in nursing the minute any perceived weakness will be pounced on by peers!! Even though nursing is s caring profession that does not guarantee caring among coworkers. So people deal with stuff the best they can. You never know what someone else goes through which is why we need to be kind and respectful to one another. People are fragile
Yes, people can be fragile, but I would argue, such fragility does not work well in a demanding profession like nursing. If you are so fragile that you would kill yourself and end a temporary situation so drastically, you need professional help. Nursing IS a helping profession, but we are not any different than others. We have our own needs, too. We are not caring angels sent from heaven, nor are we therapists. We are not well-trained, either, to recognize a person is in danger of harming themselves, if they keep it bottled up. That is a lot to put on nurses. Being kind is always best, but being real should not lead to a person ending it all.
Also in my experience, nursing is not more subject to suicidal tendencies in the profession than others. I know of no nurse who carried this out. But I knew 5 different men in the military who DID and no one knew they were even troubled. They covered it up darn well.
Tragic, the hole they left behind for their loved ones, and those who knew them was deep and could never be filled again. But I also know, they were damned determined to carry their suicides out, from the notes they left behind. No one knew this about them and they could not be stopped.
SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
I think how we raise our kids makes a difference. I have raised my kids in the "everyone gets a trophy" era. However, I taught my kids that sometimes life kicks your ass, you WILL have disappointments and things will definitely not always go your way. So far, they are well-adjusted and resilient. I was never a helicopter mom and I let them fail and learn. I think that makes a difference. Too many people can't cope with everyday failures and disappointments and want constant praise/approval for just living. I always used to say to my kids, "no one is gonna reward you for drawing oxygen and making waste". You have to actually work to get anything you want in this world.
When I was growing up, if an adult said to me or the kids I knew, "Buck up", we didn't crumble, fall apart and want to end our lives. We simply just "bucked up" and got on with it.
It's an unfortunate trend of today that people think they should be rewarded for simply showing up and not striving for excellence (note: NOT perfection)---- and producing a lot of poorly-adjusted adults. It's gonna cost us all. It already is.