Students with young kids...how are you handling it?

NurseGuy30 · Jan 28, 2011

I'm a dad who works 36 hrs/wk as a CNA. I have a young boy and girl. Basically, my wife handles it. I'm able to study with kids on my lap--in small doses. Right now I'm at a coffee shop, taking a break from my med/surg book. I'm not at home. Daddy goes to school, then goes to work. They don't see me often, only for an hour or less a day sometimes. On days off I study all day. Yeah, it's rough. But in the end their lives will be enriched by it. I would never begin to make it without a very supportive wife.

Scrubmouse RN · Jan 28, 2011

Luckily, I have a very supportive husband and an evening program, so most of my clinicals take place after they are asleep. I study when they nap and after they go to bed for th night. I have not outside life. It's school and kids for me! I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old, but have been doing this nursing school thing for about 2 years. Graduating this spring (cross fingers)!

talvarez2114 · Jan 29, 2011

I am in my first semester of nursing school. I absolutely love it, and I'm learning so much, so fast, but I've already had moments where I think, "How am I going to finish 5 semesters of this?" There is so much stress that sometimes, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. At orientation, we had a speaker who was a recent graduate of our school, and boy, was she right about taking it one day at a time. I start freaking out when I think about the long road ahead before graduation and the NCLEX. People often ask me how I manage full time nursing school with two kids. My response is, "It isn't an option. I just do it." I'm not trying to be rude, but really, that is my honest answer.
I have a husband and two very young kids, 19 months, and 4 months. I was just curious as to how you get through your daily routine with kids, how you're handling the stress. I feel stretched to the max. I forget to eat, I hardly sleep, and now I'm developing bronchitis. I'm so thankful my husband helps me. But I often feel very guilty that my 19-month-old daughter cries when I leave her at the sitter's or when my husband pulls her out of our room because "Mommy is studying." I am trying to learn to put down my books and take breaks. I am known to lock myself in a room for hours and read. Sure, I am building a foundation for my career, which will benefit my family. But I try not to think about the time I can't spend with them anymore because I will start crying. I went from stay-at-home mom to hardly ever being around. THAT is the hardest part of nursing school to me. What about you guys?

I felt the same way when I started, I felt so bad because I had to put my 8mth old in day care, and i felt like i was missing out on some of her milestones, but I know that what I'm doing will benefit her in the long run. What I did was set up a routine I would take her to daycare @730 and pick her up around 5 by that time she would be cranky and ready for a nap. While she napped for 2 hrs I would get alot of my work done, it is crucial to have a routine I don't think I would of made it without one, clinical assignment pickup days I would take her to my moms or sister until I finished my care plans it's important to have that support sytem I thank them so much, now Im in med/surg 1 and I still have my routine and im doing fine in the class..just stay positive it will get better and good luck..

metal_m0nk, BSN, RN · Jan 29, 2011

I'm a single parent with a preschooler. I take it a day (or sometimes a minute) at a time.

crazytonurse · Jan 29, 2011

I am in my 2nd semester with a 5 and 3 year old. When I started this journey my kids were 2 and 6 months old and I jumped in to full-time chaos. I handle it by taking it one day at a time because when I do get ahead of myself or start looking at whats on the agenda for the next month in regards to assignments, housework, appts etc etc.. I get discouraged and then I am useless for a few days. Unlike other students who fill out their planners for the entire semester I fill it out weekly.. and I use a separate calendar at home for stuff pertaining to the house and kids. For some reason this helps me not get frazzled and overwhelmed.. sort of like I got two lives. Who knows but it works for me.

CariocaRN · Jan 29, 2011

I got pregnant while in nursing school. My daughter is now 3 and I'm about to graduate. It's been a daily struggle. I felt a lot of guilt. Guilty if I wasn't spending enough time with her, guilty if I wasn't studying enough. It is so hard to find a balance. Sometimes I wanted to give up but I always thought "she will be sitting in the audience and she will see me graduate no matter what" and that gave me the strenght to carry on when everybody told me I would never be able to handle a pregnancy/baby and nursing school. Mind over matter.

I have my study time and when it's study time, I'm usually in the library so I can focus 100%. And when I'm home, that's my time to be mommy. I don't open a book until she's sleeping. So it's definitely important to manage your time so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Our kids will look back when they are older and be so proud of us! I know nursing school feels like an eternity, but it will be over soon. And it will be SO worth it! Just hang in there. :)

PghRN30 · Jan 29, 2011

But I often feel very guilty that my 19-month-old daughter cries when I leave her at the sitter's or when my husband pulls her out of our room because "Mommy is studying."

I am mainly going to comment on this statement. This is something EVERY parent has to deal with at some point with young kids unless they are a stay at home parent with kids 24/7 until kids choose that they want to be more independent.....which may happen in time for preschool/kindergarden.....or they may have to face it at THAT point unless home schooling early on. If you worked, and had to drop your kids off at day care to go to work, you would have to deal with it there. I know I had to do it as a working single mom when my son was around 18-19 months. Be consistant with it, and do not give in, and it will not last long. She will adapt to it being the way things are and adjust to the fact that you are coming back when you leave her at sitters. I know for my son it was bad for a couple weeks, and then after that he still fussed a little some mornings, but they told me as soon as I was out the door he was fine.

However if your husband is watching her for you to study, maybe it would be better if you just left and went somewhere else....library, coffee shop, school, even like mcdonalds and buy a coffee and put on headphones. That way, instead of her knowing....mommy is in the next room, if i fuss, maybe she will come give me attention, she will come to realize mommy is not home, and when she gets home, then she will give me attention, and will learn to be content with that......that would be a far easier thing for a child that young to understand since she doesnt understand WHY she cant have your attention when she knows you are in the other room. Might be easier for your husband too because then he doesnt have to worry about keeping her from bothering you.

anisamarie · Jan 29, 2011

Hi everyone! =)

Reading your post makes me feel like i'm not alone! I'm a young mother to my son who is 3 years old & in my first year of a BSN nursing program.. it's been tough, but after graduating high school while having a son who was already 2 has made me an even stronger person today, & he is my rock & my inspiration to keep moving forward & to never give up know matter how hard it may be.. because it is to better our lives & our future. :)

myty23 · Jan 29, 2011

I have 2 kids, 6 and 3, they were 4 and 1 when I started school and I'm about to graduate in May. It is a struggle, but honestly having kids made me a better student than I would have been without kids because it forced me to stay ahead of the game because I always knew that if I didn't study when I had the opportunity, later I might not be able to if the kids get sick, etc, etc...But I agree with some of the other posts, I also did not look too far ahead because it gave me so much anxiety looking at how much would be due in the next month, it seemed impossible. But if I only looked about a week ahead that helped a lot. I also think it's very important to get out of the house to study. Yes, this does mean you'll be away more, but if you are locked up in your room/office studying, you are basically away anyways. I could never study at home. Even if my husband was here to help, he never kept them entertained and away from me the way I needed him to and it was just too difficult. I study at the school library, at bookstores, coffee shops, and even in parks when the weather is nice. But I never study at home unless they are not here. Also, make sure to make use of your time wisely. If your kids are in daycare full time, use that time after class and on your days off of school to study until it's time to pick them up.

It will get better as time goes on because you will adjust to the chaos. It will still be stressfull at times still, but it does get better. Just keep going, don't give up, because ultimately you are doing this for your kids. They will have a better life and you will be an inspiration to them to go to college later on also. Oh, and don't forget to take time off and really enjoy being with your family at least once a week (and don't feel guilty about it!).

DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN · Jan 29, 2011

I completely respect the difficulties you face. I would like to remind people that having children is but one of many stressors that people in nursing school may face. We all have to make serious adjustments to our lives and schedules.

More than once, someone in my class has said "you are so lucky you don't have the stress of children". So just in case you envy those without children or think they don't have at least an equal amount of stress and change going -- they do. Perhaps they might be able to give you some coping tips too, so don't limit yourself.

myty23 · Jan 29, 2011

I completely respect the difficulties you face. I would like to remind people that having children is but one of many stressors that people in nursing school may face. We all have to make serious adjustments to our lives and schedules.
More than once, someone in my class has said "you are so lucky you don't have the stress of children". So just in case you envy those without children or think they don't have at least an equal amount of stress and change going -- they do. Perhaps they might be able to give you some coping tips too, so don't limit yourself.

I know that students without kids face many struggles as well. But from experience, I have seen many of the students without kids still continue to go out and party on most weekends and sometimes even school nights and they are still passing. Granted, it seems that they don't do as well as many of the students with kids because they don't have as many obligations to keep them focused. I do realize that this is not the case for everyone with out kids, but it seems to be the majority, at least in my school. I know for a fact that if I was in this program back when I was younger and no kids, I probably wouldn't have made it because I was not as determined to do well as I am now that I have other peoples lives depending on my success. So I don't envy those without kids at all. I'll never understand why people without kids seem to get offended by the people with kids complaining of their struggles...it's almost like they have to prove that they have it just as rough or something. I don't think anyone is diminishing other students struggles at all, the OP was just looking for support from people who truly understand her situation.