Strange things found on (or in) a pt.

Specialties Emergency

Published

I've always wondered, especially after hearing about this guy who brought a snake into the ER----what is the strangest thing you've ever found on (or in) a patient?

Had a guy come into the ED with a very tight, thick, rubber band-like thing on his member. Turns out it was part of a device that is used to castrate bulls. Even though he was my patient I didn't get to actually see it because the doc had removed it before I had a chance to do my assessment. When I asked him how it got there, he told me it had always been a fantasy of his...

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.

When I worked on a surgical floor in an inner city, I only saw the patients who required surgical intervention to remove foreign bodies.

One gentleman was walking around his house in the nude, as we are all wont to do, and sat down on a kitchen chair. THEN he remembered that he left an empty Grey Poupon jar on the chair! I'm sure he didn't make that mistake twice, what with the colostomy and all that he ended up with after his surgery.

Another fellow was awoken from his slumber by an annoying vibration in his abdominal area. He immediately realized what had transpired - his fun-loving, joke-playing cousin had slipped a vibrator up his rectum. "No big deal," he thought. "I'll just have to get this thing out of me[." So, naturally, what did he do to remove it? Why, dig around with a dinner fork, of course! The resulting bowel injury actually did not require a colostomy.

And this is not quite on topic, but did y'all know Xenaderm can be used as a lube if there's nothing else available to help one pleasure himself whilst in the hospital?

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When I worked on a surgical floor in an inner city, I only saw the patients who required surgical intervention to remove foreign bodies.

One gentleman was walking around his house in the nude, as we are all wont to do, and sat down on a kitchen chair. THEN he remembered that he left an empty Grey Poupon jar on the chair! I'm sure he didn't make that mistake twice, what with the colostomy and all that he ended up with after his surgery.

Another fellow was awoken from his slumber by an annoying vibration in his abdominal area. He immediately realized what had transpired - his fun-loving, joke-playing cousin had slipped a vibrator up his rectum. "No big deal," he thought. "I'll just have to get this thing out of me[." So, naturally, what did he do to remove it? Why, dig around with a dinner fork, of course! The resulting bowel injury actually did not require a colostomy.

And this is not quite on topic, but did y'all know Xenaderm can be used as a lube if there's nothing else available to help one pleasure himself whilst in the hospital?

Do you seriously believe that the first guy actually sat on an empty mustard jar, and THAT's how it ended up in his rectum???

Ditto with the cousin who just managed to "slip" a vibrating vibrator into the second guy's rectum without him knowing it!?!?

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I'm sure she didn't believe their story for a minute. I detected a note of scarcasm myself.

That was the story they were told, and she was just relaying that way.

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Do you seriously believe that the first guy actually sat on an empty mustard jar, and THAT's how it ended up in his rectum???

Ditto with the cousin who just managed to "slip" a vibrating vibrator into the second guy's rectum without him knowing it!?!?

of course she didnt......

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
Do you seriously believe that the first guy actually sat on an empty mustard jar, and THAT's how it ended up in his rectum???

Ditto with the cousin who just managed to "slip" a vibrating vibrator into the second guy's rectum without him knowing it!?!?

Of course I believe my own patients. A caring nurse would do nothing less.

Besides, you gentle folk can't look me in the eye and tell me that you haven't either:

a) waltzed around in your birthday suit in a celebratory fashion after you've finished jarring the summer jam and forgotten about the smallest jar

OR

b) used a foreign object to commit a nonconsensual lewd act on a relative all for a few laughs

Or, as is most likely the case, you've done both.

Now, you must excuse me. I have to go put more cucumbers in the shower.

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Specializes in ER, NICU.
Of course I believe my own patients. A caring nurse would do nothing less.

Besides, you gentle folk can't look me in the eye and tell me that you haven't either:

a) waltzed around in your birthday suit in a celebratory fashion after you've finished jarring the summer jam and forgotten about the smallest jar

OR

b) used a foreign object to commit a nonconsensual lewd act on a relative all for a few laughs

Or, as is most likely the case, you've done both.

Now, you must excuse me. I have to go put more cucumbers in the shower.

Thanks a lot, I just laughed so hard coffee came out of my nose.

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.
Now, you must excuse me. I have to go put more cucumbers in the shower.

I came *thisclose* to spewing a mouthful of coffee at this line! :D Hysterical!

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Specializes in ER, Oncology, Preop, Recovery.

Don't foget about the crack pipes hidden in the socks or underwear:uhoh3:

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There are some funny xrays i thought i would share wont spoil any of the surprises

http://www.mademan.com/2006/11/you-got-what-stuck-where-interesting-x

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There are some funny xrays i thought i would share wont spoil any of the surprises

http://www.mademan.com/2006/11/you-got-what-stuck-where-interesting-x

About the fork in the stomach (toothbrushes too): This is not uncommon among bulimics. :eek:

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Specializes in tactical/emercency medicine.

sent a pt to radiology from ER that presented with chest/head/abd pain. films came back with small spherical objects all over the man's trunk and face. The Doc on call for ER that night got quite ticked because he thought that the radiology tech had done something wrong, and proceeded to rant and rave because we did have a few recent problems at the time with our radiology dept. So anyways, I thought i recognized the apperence of the fb's from something my dad showed me as a child. So i asked the pt if he had ever been in an accident involving a shot gun, and wouldnt you know it, he told me he had been peppered by a shot gun in about 20 years prior and still had the majority of the pellets imbeded under his skin. (completely unrelated to his pain, wich was cardiac) fyi

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