Stereotyped...and not sure what I should do

Published

This probably is not a unique situation for many male nurses out there.

I worked my first 7 months as a nurse at a small hospital on a med-surg floor. Almost all of my female co-workers/supervisors were always very helpful and non-stereotypical in regard to gender. It never seemed to occur to any of them that I was a male; I was almost always treated with respect and as a peer--there was great camraderie. When I left this position to accept another position much closer to home (my commute was 1.5 hours one way), I left on good terms and was highly regarded (at least that is what I was told).

The experience so far with my new job has been a rude awakening to say the least. I am not going to get into the circumstances of everything that has occured nor try to fester a pity party; just rather provide one example of a phrase that has been uttered to me by someone in a leadership position (a woman) as a summation of what the culture is like where I work:

"Men are not good at multi-tasking. You will have to work extra hard to develop those skills."

There is obviously more that goes into me forming my opinion of the nursing culture--you will just have to take my word for it. I know I have strengths and weaknesses, and I am open to criticism. I need to grow as a nurse to become all that my patient's deserve, but...it has nothing to do with being a male or female. I'm not into pity parties, nor am I on the I'm a male nurse and everyone is out to discriminate against me train.

But...this feels like a work culture that is really annoying to work in. Ultimately it adds to my anxieties, is a strain on my confidence, and makes me paranoid. I can deal with it, but ultimately, I wonder if it is worth it. I'm not a suck up; won't play that game. I just show up, smile, don't complain, and do everything I can to carry my load and be a good team player. I'm as introspective as they come, and am as hard on myself as anyone. I'm really ready to work where that is appreciated.

I guess this more of a vent than anything, but common experiences, advice, and encouragement are helpful to anyone this rings true with.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

It's just people man... every one has their own opinions about everything and some are more prone to confront others about how they feel and how their view of the world is. Just shrug it off and store it in the back of your mind.

The best advice is the one that you've probably heard repeated ad nauseum: don't let it get to you. If you are confident in your abilities for time management, communication, and nursing skills then relax - you know what level you're at better than anyone else. If you lack confidence in any area, work to improve it.

Just because someone is in a leadership position doesn't give you any kind of indication or measure of how good of a leader they are or how they even obtained it. Take criticism with a grain of salt. The unfounded criticism that is bond to personal bias - throw that out the window, you know better than that. Criticism with some grounds, improve yourself.

As a someone who is also very introverted, at the end of the day I go home and forget about whatever snarky remarks I might have gotten, because at the end of the day they are only my coworkers and don't really touch my inner circle of whose opinion I seek to change. And the truth is, stereotypes and irrational opinions only affect you as much as you let them.

Good luck.

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Specializes in RN.

Ya, people man. Every one of us is walking around with our biases, no matter how hard we try not to. We even do it when we know that we are completely wrong, crazy but we are only human. I know that there are females I work around that have their biases and "opinions" of what men are like and how they are as nurses...blah blah blah. Just let it roll off, or better yet I try to completely ignore most "workplace conversation" taking place between the females, especially the conversation when they are speaking secretively...you know. We are who we are as people. I am totally open to criticism, and able to discern between personal attack and criticism, as I am sure many folks are. At the moment I am resisting the urge to "go off" on this topic, but at the end of the day it is best to drop all the junk. Pick your battles, and the ones that are worthy of engaging use self control and be diplomatic.

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Since this is the mens' nursing forum... grow some balls. Dont worry about pity crap people say. Go to work, do you job and show them how great of a worker you are. All the guys I work with (when I was on medsurg, currently in ICU and previously ER) do a great job because they dont:

get involved in gossip

focus on their work

dont cry at work

dont stress out and freak out in emergencies

Im a guy in nursing... Im confident in my abilities and show it. I step in when other need help and the people I work with know that Im a person to ask for help or advice. Be confident in yourself and you wont care what others think

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Specializes in E.P. tele ccu er home health.

Been a nurse for 27 years-what has been posted is true- one thing though-not telling to jump ship-but some food for thought-re-evaluate why you went to this particular facility. Learn grow transfer or lick your wounds and move on-think of it as a one time get out of jail card thats 1x goodluck keep us postedP.s im a RN diploma grad and can tell u stories that would blow ur mind when i was a freshman and the **** that i had to over come and learn to deal with-hey made me a better nurse-with some pretty funny stories

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Specializes in Telemetry & PCU.

My secret to success in the workplace is to always be a little early and act crazy; people tend to leave you alone or love you.

In this profession you better just let all that crap slide off of you and not get weighed down in it.

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Specializes in ED.
Since this is the mens' nursing forum... grow some balls. Dont worry about pity crap people say. Go to work, do you job and show them how great of a worker you are. All the guys I work with (when I was on medsurg, currently in ICU and previously ER) do a great job because they dont:

get involved in gossip

focus on their work

dont cry at work

dont stress out and freak out in emergencies

Im a guy in nursing... Im confident in my abilities and show it. I step in when other need help and the people I work with know that Im a person to ask for help or advice. Be confident in yourself and you wont care what others think

I have to agree, except I will say grow some skin. Or look up what Betty White says about a lady parts and grow one of those.

Do these 4 things and your co worker will be happy every time you walk in the door.

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Specializes in Emergency.

Then show them that you don't fall in with the "stereotype". Prove them wrong. Also, perhaps they are talking about the men in their lives (apart from nursing)

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Specializes in ER, ICU.

Sorry bro, but some units have a culture that is not... well, very good. I feel I had that going on at my previous job. Was that comment made in the company of others? Because it sounds like a great thing to go to HR about. Maybe it won't change your situation but might put the spotlight on that individual. I agree with the other posters that you should keep your head high and show them how good you can be, but also hold your bosses accountable for their attitudes. I would love to debate that comment. What published studies show men can't multitask? Is that why men suck at being fighter pilots and SEALs? Too much going on I guess.

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Yeah, I suppose part of my frustration is the fact that I worked in a place where I didn't have to encounter this stuff and now I do. I guess I thought everything would be the same when I changed jobs in terms of attitudes. The culture isn't ideal; guess I'll have to pack away the tampons and kleenex and deal with it, right?

I'm not as much worried about how I feel as much as I am that I'm not 100% sure I can trust everyone I work with. I can deal with people being people, except when they have the potential and perhaps motive to damage my future. My work stands beside itself; it is solid. However, I'd be dumb and naive to think that I shoulnd't watch my back (contributes to anxiety).

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Well...if you don't like your environment, keep looking for employment elsewhere. There is no need to be in an environment that you find culturally insulting and unacceptable---however, your initial description of exactly why you feel the way you do doesn't give readers much to go on.

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First of all, DON'T go to HR about the sexist comments from your supervisor. That will really light her wick & put her on the defensive. Collect your thoughts and approach her. Use a lot of "I" statements (I was surprised when I was told that men don't multi-task well. I want to do well here and I would appreciate constructive feedback if needed.) You must go to her first - start there. Then if she continues with the comments, go over her head.

Frankly I really like working with most male nurses. There are good ones and bad ones just like female nurses. Has nothing to do with their gender. Good Luck!

This probably is not a unique situation for many male nurses out there.

I worked my first 7 months as a nurse at a small hospital on a med-surg floor. Almost all of my female co-workers/supervisors were always very helpful and non-stereotypical in regard to gender. It never seemed to occur to any of them that I was a male; I was almost always treated with respect and as a peer--there was great camraderie. When I left this position to accept another position much closer to home (my commute was 1.5 hours one way), I left on good terms and was highly regarded (at least that is what I was told).

The experience so far with my new job has been a rude awakening to say the least. I am not going to get into the circumstances of everything that has occured nor try to fester a pity party; just rather provide one example of a phrase that has been uttered to me by someone in a leadership position (a woman) as a summation of what the culture is like where I work:

"Men are not good at multi-tasking. You will have to work extra hard to develop those skills."

There is obviously more that goes into me forming my opinion of the nursing culture--you will just have to take my word for it. I know I have strengths and weaknesses, and I am open to criticism. I need to grow as a nurse to become all that my patient's deserve, but...it has nothing to do with being a male or female. I'm not into pity parties, nor am I on the I'm a male nurse and everyone is out to discriminate against me train.

But...this feels like a work culture that is really annoying to work in. Ultimately it adds to my anxieties, is a strain on my confidence, and makes me paranoid. I can deal with it, but ultimately, I wonder if it is worth it. I'm not a suck up; won't play that game. I just show up, smile, don't complain, and do everything I can to carry my load and be a good team player. I'm as introspective as they come, and am as hard on myself as anyone. I'm really ready to work where that is appreciated.

I guess this more of a vent than anything, but common experiences, advice, and encouragement are helpful to anyone this rings true with.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
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