Stereotyped...and not sure what I should do

[gorjos]

This probably is not a unique situation for many male nurses out there.

I worked my first 7 months as a nurse at a small hospital on a med-surg floor. Almost all of my female co-workers/supervisors were always very helpful and non-stereotypical in regard to gender. It never seemed to occur to any of them that I was a male; I was almost always treated with respect and as a peer--there was great camraderie. When I left this position to accept another position much closer to home (my commute was 1.5 hours one way), I left on good terms and was highly regarded (at least that is what I was told).

The experience so far with my new job has been a rude awakening to say the least. I am not going to get into the circumstances of everything that has occured nor try to fester a pity party; just rather provide one example of a phrase that has been uttered to me by someone in a leadership position (a woman) as a summation of what the culture is like where I work:

"Men are not good at multi-tasking. You will have to work extra hard to develop those skills."

There is obviously more that goes into me forming my opinion of the nursing culture--you will just have to take my word for it. I know I have strengths and weaknesses, and I am open to criticism. I need to grow as a nurse to become all that my patient's deserve, but...it has nothing to do with being a male or female. I'm not into pity parties, nor am I on the I'm a male nurse and everyone is out to discriminate against me train.

But...this feels like a work culture that is really annoying to work in. Ultimately it adds to my anxieties, is a strain on my confidence, and makes me paranoid. I can deal with it, but ultimately, I wonder if it is worth it. I'm not a suck up; won't play that game. I just show up, smile, don't complain, and do everything I can to carry my load and be a good team player. I'm as introspective as they come, and am as hard on myself as anyone. I'm really ready to work where that is appreciated.

I guess this more of a vent than anything, but common experiences, advice, and encouragement are helpful to anyone this rings true with.

[Warpster]

Some jobs are just not a good fit. A transfer to another unit within that hospital might fix the whole situation or the whole place might be toxic enough to you that you'll have to leave and resign yourself to a longer commute.

I saw that happen with new grads in my last job. The unit was a strange one, some of those people (male and female both) had been there and working together over 10 years. A few of those new grads just couldn't cope with things like verbal shorthand and not being in on the jokes. They transferred to other units and blossomed.

Just don't be afraid to admit that something is wrong and it's irrelevant whether it's you or them. The job just isn't a great fit and you need to go elsewhere and try to stay in the same hospital if you can. Lateral transfers don't look as bad on a resume as quitting after just a few months.

[Over-the-hill-Nurse]

First of all, I am female. Your post caught my eye and I feel compelled to answer. It sounds to me like the commenter that said that "men are usually not multi-task" oriented was wrong in saying that. As a female nurse myself, gender issues should not be happening at all in any circumstances. It is possible that the people that are making the comments feel inferior themselves but are taking it out on you. I would have come back at the particular person that you quoted in this manner "I feel that I am good at multi-tasking, but I would love to hear your suggestions on how to improve that". This does 2 things- 1)lets her know that you are confident in your skills and 2)that you are willing to listen to what she has to say and consider her suggestions. Being quiet and not saying anything will just make her think that you aren't listening, and are not interested in learning it.And it allows her to come at you a second time about something else. Stop her in her tracts. Sometimes this type of person just need to be put in place.

By being super nice and politely letting them know you are confident, and comfortable in your own skin, it tells them that you aren't going to play their cat and mouse games. In time, they will stop doing it and start thinking "wow he is a pretty good nurse". Women tend to play these cat and mouse games because of their own insecurities. Don't let them get to you. You took the same training as they did and earned your right to practice nursing. Things will come around but it may take a little bit. When I was working in critical care, they had hired a 2 male nurses for the unit. One young man was assigned to me for orientation. He did a great job through orientation. He also had run into these situations with some of the other nurses. I told him the same thing. When they make a comment such as "well Mark can do the lifting for us since he is strong and has alot more muscle than we have" I told Mark to tell them "he would gladly go get the lift to help them lift their patient the proper way so they and he would not hurt their backs. My point is that you should be firm but helpful. It lets them know that you aren't against doing what they want but doing it safely the way it is supposed to be done. You might hear "well I could have done that" (the little snide remarks-ignore them). Or if you are like me, I look at them and say yes you could have but since the lift is already here, lets get it done together. I think you get what I am saying. Don't let them get by with saying crap. Be nice but make sure they get your point as well. Evently things will change. They are just initiating you at this point. They will quit playing the game after a while since they aren"t getting the outcome they expected. Keep your head up and do what you do best and that is taking care of the patients assigned to you to care for. Good luck to you. And I promise I won't bother you guys in the men's forum again. (I didn't realize it was until I got to the bottom of the feed and by this time, I knew I had to answer)

[CiscoNurse]

Tell'em their hair looks bad and how wide is that ass? Shuts'em up.

[AZ_LPN_8_26_13]

Part of the situation could be that the person who told you this doesn't really have the skills or what it takes to be a real manager. That's one thing I've come across in nursing so far - managers that aren't really managers. I'm not sure how they got to be where they are, but it's obvious that many of them don't have any training in it. They might be great bedside nurses, but that doesn't translate into being a good supervisor over others.

[ae1ret]

Sounds very familiar! I also worked in a smaller hospital that was quite a long drive (110 miles one way) on a med/surg floor for almost a year and a half. I was also very well regarded there and when I left, I left on good terms! Now, I'm working close to home and I like what I've experienced so far. During my 2 years as an RN, I've run into several female nurses that have felt the same way towards male nurses just like in your example above. I guess like everywhere, there are going to be those kind of people; the only bad thing is having a supervisor like that, for they can make or break your career! I guess I really don't have good advice for you. If you are feeling threatened by this nurse, maybe you could talk to a union rep who would be on your side (if your in a union) and maybe help you resolve the issue. Anyway...just wanted to let you know that I feel ya! I've been there too!

[eleectrosaurus]

"Men are not good at multi-tasking. You will have to work extra hard to develop those skills."

If this is an exact quote sounds more like naieve bias than run of the mill snark, let her think whatever she wants. If it was me I would capitalize on the situation and say something like "Thats food for thought, I'll give it consideration. If you can think of things to help let me know." It's BS but whatever.. politics, let people who need ego have it. Let it go, carry on.

...because they dont:

get involved in gossip

focus on their work

dont cry at work

dont stress out and freak out in emergencies

Should be part of the male nurse 10 commandments!

One of the things I have been known to say, especially when asked to lift or carry something, is "Don't you believe in equal opportunity?

I have no problem doing lifts, teamwork. After I do your lifts, I will be asking you to help deal with my pt's projectile body fluids.