I am new to this site so please bare with me as I get the hang of it. Okay, I'm graduating Dec 11 (should be taking boards in late December) and was fortunate to receive a nurse internship at a pediatric hospital I have previously been employed as a Summer Aide at before. I have never been told anything but praises and no complaints by coworkers on the previous units I worked as a summer aide. But I was called in today and the woman told me she wanted to "coach" me regarding some things to learn from. The biggest thing that hit me was when she said I had received a negative report on my record from when I worked there last summer 09 (not this summer) for being "too friendly/flirty".
I was very hurt by this because I know exactly who tried to get me in trouble (and she even knew I was happily engaged!) because she was always mean to me. I am always nice and greeting coworkers (including housekeepers, maintenance,etc). That's simply who I am being the Christian that I am. There is this one employee (who did have a crush on me but I turned him down when he asked me out) that I would still occasionally talk to and one of the nurses and my supervisor saw us talking and turned it into something it wasn't even though they knew I was engaged (now happily married). But I was never told I had gotten written up so when this came up I was devastated and cried and the woman told me it was a disservice to me that I was never told. Plus I don't know what to do when I see that same coworker around because I obviously can't talk to him because of being afraid someone will take it the wrong way!
THEN after all that was discussed, she told me when i had interviewed for a position on another unit recently that the nurses simply "did not want me" there because I "didn't chip in"---- again, everyone always told me how helpful I was and how they would love to have me back when I graduated!!! I ALWAYS did what I was told and asked to help others. But on the same token I also didn't want to annoy anyone by making them find me something to do when i had breaks. If I asked if they needed something and they said "no" (which was most of the time), then I would not bother them any further and wait for them to let me know if they needed me.
This whole meeting just devastated me but she told me that she wanted to tell me these things as "coaching" and that she felt I would flourish on the units I'll work on as a nurse intern. I guess I should just be thankful to have an internship and to get to learn from these issues and also learn just how fickle and backstabbing coworkers can sometimes be, even if they say they're your friend.
Has anyone else ever had a similar issue? I was just so hurt and cried for hours that i was written up for being "too friendly" when I'm happily married and then that some people had openly said they simply "didn't want me" after acting like they were friends. I just am so discouraged before I even start my internship and so worried that I'll do something wrong and not be 'good enough', which would devastate me because I love nursing and pediatrics. I could use encouraging words to help me focus on the future in dealing with this and not on what others have said about me.
I am new to this site so please bare with me as I get the hang of it. Okay, I'm graduating Dec 11 (should be taking boards in late December) and was fortunate to receive a nurse internship at a pediatric hospital I have previously been employed as a Summer Aide at before. I have never been told anything but praises and no complaints by coworkers on the previous units I worked as a summer aide. But I was called in today and the woman told me she wanted to "coach" me regarding some things to learn from. The biggest thing that hit me was when she said I had received a negative report on my record from when I worked there last summer 09 (not this summer) for being "too friendly/flirty".
I was very hurt by this because I know exactly who tried to get me in trouble (and she even knew I was happily engaged!) because she was always mean to me. I am always nice and greeting coworkers (including housekeepers, maintenance,etc). That's simply who I am being the Christian that I am. There is this one employee (who did have a crush on me but I turned him down when he asked me out) that I would still occasionally talk to and one of the nurses and my supervisor saw us talking and turned it into something it wasn't even though they knew I was engaged (now happily married). But I was never told I had gotten written up so when this came up I was devastated and cried and the woman told me it was a disservice to me that I was never told. Plus I don't know what to do when I see that same coworker around because I obviously can't talk to him because of being afraid someone will take it the wrong way!
THEN after all that was discussed, she told me when i had interviewed for a position on another unit recently that the nurses simply "did not want me" there because I "didn't chip in"---- again, everyone always told me how helpful I was and how they would love to have me back when I graduated!!! I ALWAYS did what I was told and asked to help others. But on the same token I also didn't want to annoy anyone by making them find me something to do when i had breaks from my own tasks. If I asked if they needed something and they said "no" (which was most of the time), then I would not bother them any further and wait for them to let me know if they needed me.
THEN at this same meeting the woman also told me that 3 or 4 people did not like what I wore at my interview for the internship and that my sweater, which had a nice cami under, was too low cut. I broke down on her AGAIN (and I don't cry easily!) because I told her I was a newlywed and that me and my husband were in a tight spot and I hadn't been able to purchase any professional clothes. I used the nicest clothes I had because I couldn't sacrifice our power or food for a $50 or $60 shirt. I know the situation will change once I have an income coming in and I'll be happy to get more professional clothes but this was a very embarrassing and sensitive subject. Then she suggested in my situation that I should try going to the thrift store and that I'd find clothes there! I was humiliated! But anyways, this was just ANOTHER negative that came up in that same conversation so I was devastated because myself (and my husband!) thought I looked nice. I know she was telling me all this to help and I just want to find a way to move on from these negative things and focus on the future! I just keep fixating on this conversation because I feel like a failure before I even start my internship!
She told me that she wanted to tell me these things as "coaching" and that she felt I would flourish on the units I'll work on as a nurse intern. I guess I should just be thankful to have an internship and to get to learn from these issues and also learn just how fickle and backstabbing coworkers can sometimes be, even if they say they're your friend.
I was just so hurt and cried for hours that i was written up for being "too friendly" when I'm happily married and then that some people had openly said they simply "didn't want me" after acting like they were friends. I feel like a failure before I even start my internship! I could use encouraging words to help me focus on the future in dealing with this and not on what others have said about me.
This woman was taking cheap shots at you. However, I would give a little thought to what she said, more so because it shows, in general, how you are regarded there. Get yourself together, change behavior if you think it necessary, and be a little more watchful of yourself while at this place. Maybe you should think about moving on at some point. Who wants to work where they are under such close scrutiny and where they can always expect criticism, even underhanded criticism?
Oh, and BTW, lots of people find suitable interview clothing at the thrift store. That is a good idea, whether she meant it in a condescending manner or not.
Wow, I would have been very upset, too! Especially if you had no idea there were any problems or that anyone thought poorly of you. That's rough!
From what you described it seems clear that what she is trying to tell you is people think you are kind of a flirt and a little inappropriate. Obviously you don't feel that you are, and I'm sure you had no intention of giving that impression, but it is out there. So when you start the internship I would go above and beyond to show that you are NOT LIKE THAT. Be extremely professional (yet pleasant, of course), even if you feel like you are being a pest as people if you can help or, better yet, just roll up your sleeves and jump in to help. I would keep personal small talk to a minimum, since obviously your friendliness was taken the wrong way before. Just try to put your blinders on and focus on the job at hand and, now that you know how you have been perceived in the past, be very, very careful going forward. You can probably correct any misconceptions about you simply by being super focused on the job and on being professional, and hopefully all that stuff she talked about will just die out.
As for the shirt comment, I don't know what your sweater looked like, but that seems like a pretty cheap shot to take at someone and, IMO, goes back to the "you are flirty and inappropriate" thing she was trying to get at. I know how hard it is when you are first married and money is tight, so next time maybe even swing by a Target or Walmart of something and get a nice, but conservative, shirt to wear if you have further interviews or meetings there. From what you describe it sounds like a pretty conservative place, so if you want to work there I guess you need to play by their rules for awhile.
I'm sorry she had you so upset! I would have felt the same way. Hang in there!
Oh, and BTW, lots of people find suitable interview clothing at the thrift store. That is a good idea, whether she meant it in a condescending manner or not.
That's where I found most of my clothes as a student and new grad (and still do 18 years later just because I like brand-named clothing for cheap:D)
Personally, I would look elsewhere for a job. They want you to live in fear and they have let you know that they will sabotage you when they can and never tell you about it. This is not a healthy place to work! You can do better.
In the long run, a place like that exists because the horrible behavior is tolerated. If folks had respect for themselves, they would refuse to work at such places and either the climate there would change or they would have no employees!.....but that is another subject.
Personally, I would look elsewhere for a job. They want you to live in fear and they have let you know that they will sabotage you when they can and never tell you about it. This is not a healthy place to work! You can do better.
In the long run, a place like that exists because the horrible behavior is tolerated. If folks had respect for themselves, they would refuse to work at such places and either the climate there would change or they would have no employees!.....but that is another subject.
I feel like we read completely different posts.
To the OP:
Anytime a supervisor discusses any "concerns" with you assume there is a written record of the conversation.
If 3-4 people thought something was too low cut then it probably was. You don't need $50+ to buy a new shirt, if you can't bring yourself to shop second hand then go to Walmart or Target.
It may have felt like "everyone" on the unit loved you and said they wanted you back but apparently there were a few who didn't feel that way. You likely didn't notice them among all the people patting you on the back. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to tell you they don't like the job you're doing. Most of the time those people are going to avoid the inevitable drama that comes with telling you to your face.
People who are married cheat. People who are engaged cheat. People who are simply living together cheat. The fact you were engaged (now married) doesn't exclude you from behaving in a manner other people feel is flirtatious.
If you were "devastated" because someone told you your clothing choice was inappropriate or "cried for hours" because someone didn't like you then you really do need to develop a tougher skin. Learn from what was discussed with you and move on.
To be honest, if I was working with an employee who cried their way through a "coaching" session the way you discribe, I'd question their emotional stability. What are you going to do if a patient doesn't like you?
This woman was taking cheap shots at you. However, I would give a little thought to what she said, more so because it shows, in general, how you are regarded there. Get yourself together, change behavior if you think it necessary, and be a little more watchful of yourself while at this place. Maybe you should think about moving on at some point. Who wants to work where they are under such close scrutiny and where they can always expect criticism, even underhanded criticism?
I agree this is really smart advice. Most likely this woman noticed someone else noticing a flaw and in nursing circles things can get around fast so don't let someone like that hurt your rep.
Also, DO NOT take it personally. She's targeting your emotions and once she's done that, your responses will become predictable and easier to manipulate.
Number one rule: DO NOT GO TO YOUR JOB LOOKONG FOR FRIENDS!!!!! THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!!! THE SAME ONES THAT SMILE IN YOUR FACE WILL TURN ON YOU IN 2.5 SECONDS!!!!! Best of luck!!!!
spacy224
9 Posts
Thank you guys again!