Can I vent to all of you and ask for some input??? My husband ( this is his user name)... is 15 months out from graduating. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months. I am an RN working weekend incentive, and we have been doing this for almost 3 years ( 1 year BSN, 1 year pre-reqs, 1 year into CRNA program). I hate my job, but make great money and carry benefits. We are at the point where we both feel absolutely fried. I work Sat and Sun nite, sleep Mon, pay the sitter, clean the house on Tues, do Laundry and go grocery shopping on Wednesday, take Thursday off, and get ready on Friday to do it all over. All the while driving the older two to school, T-ball, swimming, etc. Hubby starts 5 day clinicals in 5 weeks ( up to this point he had only 4 days ) We are contemplating me going per diem at the end of the summer, which means more loans and $750 a month for COBRA, but also dropping from every weekend to minimum 2 days a month and maybe saving my sanity. 3-11 is not an option around here, even though I would love it. Am I crazy/selfish/lazy?? Do I just need to suck it up? I have intentions to go back to PNP school when he is done, so I am not about riding his coat tails through this. Please let me have it!! Thanks
Thanks all for the reply...I now realize that spelling "loose" instead of "lose" in my title should of clued me in to just how tired I was last night. I am the biggest proponent of scaling down kids activities. One does T-ball, the other is finishing swim lessons next week as baseball starts. I still think that my biggest goal is to get them through this unscathed. However, they are still kids with field trips, homework, etc, etc, there is only so much scaling back that we can do, not to mention the 10 month old demands more attention than both of them combined. ( Thank God for Playstation some nights). Yes we go out to eat, paying a sitter would be great if we had time to go anywhere, and my house usually looks like a tornado went through it. Like I said, a per diem position would allow me to pick up during the week (4 hour blocks, whatever,) and not REQUIRE me to work every weekend, although the option is still there. I am paying 450 for part time insurance right now, 750 isn't a huge stretch. Day shift won't work even if I could get it, because someone has to be at the house to drive the kids to and from school ( no bus ) 3-11 isn't offered at the hospital I work at, ( and that leaves husband at home in the evening with no study time anyhow.) I guess I am basically looking for input as to how much money is TOO much to take out. We will be about 55,000 in loans plus about 40,000 from the anesthesia group we are signed on with, which is money I don't really count because it is considered a bonus for a 5 year contract. This does not inclued about 25,000 combined for our undergrad degrees. Cobra for one year ( or someone said check out ehealthinsurance.com) is enough to get us through, a couple of our docs see us for nothing already because they know we'll be back under insurance that covers them in a year ( long story about hospital insurance that I won't get into.) anyone have similar numbers that they are handling OK? If we take another 10-15K are we screwed? Thanks
Will your children be permanently damaged if they don't play T-ball for a year? How about if you bought a little plastic pool for the backyard?
Compare their development if you go nuts. Your husband may be feeling like crap because he's not currently "earning and supporting". Your relationship with him is more important than childrens' activities.
Also, make sure you know what COBRA covers and doesn't. You may be surprised.
Pull back from anything not required. Eat more rice and ramen noodles. Live well below your means, and stay below the income you anticipate. I disagree with the suggestion to "get another loan". Sell some stuff on EBay. Listen to the Dave Ramsey show. Cut off the cable. etc. Be frugal, spend time as a family playing Monopoly (or Candyland, etc).
Save your sanity. You can't buy it back with any amount of loans.
I think it depends on your tolerance for debt. I hate being in debt, but it is necessary sometimes. Educational debt and mortgages are "good debt" in that they are investments in your future. I agree with cutting back where you can, but I doubt you're living a lavish lifestyle and there probably isn't a whole lot to cut. Maybe you'll eat out less, etc, when you have more time and energy to shop and cook. My husband and I are lucky to have minimal educational debt at this point, so I feel completely comfortable taking out whatever I need for CRNA school.
I do, actually, think you can buy your sanity back with loans. You will have to pay them back, of course, but what is money compared to the health of your family? There's no merit to being miserable when you can live more happily without sacrificing a whole lot down the road.
I will start school this fall. Does anyone have a range for the amount of loans borrowed (max amount) that they have heard of? School alone will cost $45,000, so FAFSA will take care of that cost. I have a wife and 3 young kids, I am trying to disrupt their lives as little as possible. For my wife to go back to work, we would have to put 2 kids in daycare, which would basically take the majority of her income. Is it better just to take the max amount of loans and not make things more stressful than it will be already? Thanks for the help.
I got $40K from Sallie Mae. Simple on-line application, plus mailing my school class enrollment for the fall and a current job pay stub.
The money comes to me and can be used for buying anything...I was asking for a new Mustang, but my wife won't hear of it!
We've got two little ones as well, she mentioned getting a job, but I would rather not have to feel guilty about her working and keeping house while I digested books. We'll do the loans and such and deal with it later. This is no time to stress out about money...we'll have other things to keep us busy.
Big D---- is this on top of normal school loans? How much all together? Are signed on with someone after school? Just wondering.. Thanks
I got $40K from Sallie Mae. Simple on-line application, plus mailing my school class enrollment for the fall and a current job pay stub.
The money comes to me and can be used for buying anything...I was asking for a new Mustang, but my wife won't hear of it!
We've got two little ones as well, she mentioned getting a job, but I would rather not have to feel guilty about her working and keeping house while I digested books. We'll do the loans and such and deal with it later. This is no time to stress out about money...we'll have other things to keep us busy.
Actually it has nothing to do with school financial aid. My FAFSA number was something like $19800 for the year. That pretty much equals no aid. I think the $40k will do me till the last semester. I will have no income except the military retirement check (about $30k for the year), so I may get some subsidized Stafford to finish off.
If you are looking for one of these alternative loans I think that the primary concern is to apply while you still have a job. If you wait till you are poor and in school to find out that you are running short, you will be out of luck.
At worst, I can just leave the loan in my savings account and pay it back after school is over...I will have paid interest for nothing, but it would be worth it for the peace of mind. I guess you could apply for a lot of credit cards and keep them in reserve, but it feels more "dirty" to me.
BTW, I probably do have $50k in credit card availability!
I did not have a sign on deal anywhere. I would have rather leave my options open. Maybe someone will help me with my loan, but I think having a better salary and letting me deal with the loans is a better move.
I think a lot of good advice has been offered. Will the kids suffer long-term effects from not playing t-ball a year? Don't think so.
Rice and ramen are cheap. Ramen usually has a surprising amount of fat... Don't forget spaghetti/pasta! The three foods are cheap, easy, and tasty.
Loans--I joke that loans are a god-given American right. If you're gonna do loans, education is a good reason for them.
House looking like a tornado has been through it? Look into house cleaning services. Several of my neighbors have ladies from their nearby churches do weekly visits. If you do the washing and drying, could a cleaning lady do the folding? House cleaning/services may go a long way towards preserving sanity and reducing stress.
Is the 4-YO in a kindergarten? I think(!?) they go down to that age level. The couple of hours a day 3-5 days a week can be a blessing.
Fifteen months is a ways to go, but then, the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to become brighter and more enveloping.
The truth about "cheap" foods is that they aren't really cheaper and are not good for you.
4 years old is too young to be in Kindergarten in my area - K-garten is all day 5 days a week here and that would burn a child of 4 out fast. The growing consensus is that waiting until your child is 6 or almost 6 to start Kindergarten is better, especially boys.
Kids grow up fast - getting an education is one of those things going into debt is worth doing. Of course if we all had done the college thing before marriage and kids, we'd be ok but that horse is definitely out of the barn so . . . . . :)
I still think that 15 months is a long time to continue living in insanity. It isn't good for your marriage or your relationship with your kids. It isn't a bad thing to take a breather and take out a loan.
I agree, like I stated before, my #1 goal is that my kids don't even realize what we are going through... T-ball, vegetables and protein, clean underwear are all priorities. We are paying for parochial schools ( I don't want to start a debate... the public schools are horrible here, and we keep our house payment low living here, which offsets tuition) and no, I won't send my four year old to kindergarten. ( in this city you have to be five by 8/1,plus, I don't think that this is good option for any four year old.) He does attend preschool for 3 days a week this upcoming year. We refied our house, sold cars, paid off credit cards, etc in anticipation of his starting the program. We are living very frugally. My choice is then to sacrifice on the other side when he is done, by not jumping into the big car, house, vacations right away, and living sanely now. I am working this weekend thing as long as I can, I guess, and hopefully by September when he starts weekend rotation and 16 hour call, be really able to cut back. Thanks
The truth about "cheap" foods is that they aren't really cheaper and are not good for you.
4 years old is too young to be in Kindergarten in my area - K-garten is all day 5 days a week here and that would burn a child of 4 out fast. The growing consensus is that waiting until your child is 6 or almost 6 to start Kindergarten is better, especially boys.
Kids grow up fast - getting an education is one of those things going into debt is worth doing. Of course if we all had done the college thing before marriage and kids, we'd be ok but that horse is definitely out of the barn so . . . . . :)
I still think that 15 months is a long time to continue living in insanity. It isn't good for your marriage or your relationship with your kids. It isn't a bad thing to take a breather and take out a loan.
I agree, like I stated before, my #1 goal is that my kids don't even realize what we are going through... T-ball, vegetables and protein, clean underwear are all priorities. We are paying for parochial schools ( I don't want to start a debate... the public schools are horrible here, and we keep our house payment low living here, which offsets tuition) and no, I won't send my four year old to kindergarten. ( in this city you have to be five by 8/1,plus, I don't think that this is good option for any four year old.) He does attend preschool for 3 days a week this upcoming year. We refied our house, sold cars, paid off credit cards, etc in anticipation of his starting the program. We are living very frugally. My choice is then to sacrifice on the other side when he is done, by not jumping into the big car, house, vacations right away, and living sanely now. I am working this weekend thing as long as I can, I guess, and hopefully by September when he starts weekend rotation and 16 hour call, be really able to cut back. Thanks
You'll get no debate from me about public schools! Love private schools and I have homeschooled each one of my kids for awhile. Having a great time now teaching my almost 4 year old. Today we took a trip to the Sundial Bridge in Redding at the Turtle Bay Museum. The bridge spans the Sacramento River. Had lunch at a little cafe next to the bridge. He had fun tossing rocks in the river and getting his feet wet. I love field trips.
It sounds like you and your husband both have good heads on your shoulders, so to speak :) Your priorities are straight - but it is still hard.
Can I vent to all of you and ask for some input??? My husband ( this is his user name)... is 15 months out from graduating. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months. I am an RN working weekend incentive, and we have been doing this for almost 3 years ( 1 year BSN, 1 year pre-reqs, 1 year into CRNA program). I hate my job, but make great money and carry benefits. We are at the point where we both feel absolutely fried. I work Sat and Sun nite, sleep Mon, pay the sitter, clean the house on Tues, do Laundry and go grocery shopping on Wednesday, take Thursday off, and get ready on Friday to do it all over. All the while driving the older two to school, T-ball, swimming, etc. Hubby starts 5 day clinicals in 5 weeks ( up to this point he had only 4 days ) We are contemplating me going per diem at the end of the summer, which means more loans and $750 a month for COBRA, but also dropping from every weekend to minimum 2 days a month and maybe saving my sanity. 3-11 is not an option around here, even though I would love it. Am I crazy/selfish/lazy?? Do I just need to suck it up? I have intentions to go back to PNP school when he is done, so I am not about riding his coat tails through this. Please let me have it!! Thanks
Consider hiring someone to come in once a week or everyother week to clean. I pay someone $50 every two weeks to come in for 3 hrs. She does a fantastic job and it saves me a ton of time and gives me a break. The cost of sanity is priceless.
Laughing Gas
124 Posts
Thanks all for the reply...I now realize that spelling "loose" instead of "lose" in my title should of clued me in to just how tired I was last night. I am the biggest proponent of scaling down kids activities. One does T-ball, the other is finishing swim lessons next week as baseball starts. I still think that my biggest goal is to get them through this unscathed. However, they are still kids with field trips, homework, etc, etc, there is only so much scaling back that we can do, not to mention the 10 month old demands more attention than both of them combined. ( Thank God for Playstation some nights). Yes we go out to eat, paying a sitter would be great if we had time to go anywhere, and my house usually looks like a tornado went through it. Like I said, a per diem position would allow me to pick up during the week (4 hour blocks, whatever,) and not REQUIRE me to work every weekend, although the option is still there. I am paying 450 for part time insurance right now, 750 isn't a huge stretch. Day shift won't work even if I could get it, because someone has to be at the house to drive the kids to and from school ( no bus ) 3-11 isn't offered at the hospital I work at, ( and that leaves husband at home in the evening with no study time anyhow.) I guess I am basically looking for input as to how much money is TOO much to take out. We will be about 55,000 in loans plus about 40,000 from the anesthesia group we are signed on with, which is money I don't really count because it is considered a bonus for a 5 year contract. This does not inclued about 25,000 combined for our undergrad degrees. Cobra for one year ( or someone said check out ehealthinsurance.com) is enough to get us through, a couple of our docs see us for nothing already because they know we'll be back under insurance that covers them in a year ( long story about hospital insurance that I won't get into.) anyone have similar numbers that they are handling OK? If we take another 10-15K are we screwed? Thanks