SRNA wife about to loose it......

Home Health Columnist / Guide · May 24, 2005

One way of giving yourself litle more time is food shop only every two weeks if you can afford it. Seven year olds can help with laundry matching socks, towels, place folded wash in rooms etc. With young kids, through a load in every night, dry in AM, fold on days off.

Can see you are getting fried. Any chance of taking just one weekend off to recharge? I did that with young kids and was amazed at being able to be revived by end second week.

apaisRN, RN, CRNA · May 24, 2005

I don't have kids and I haven't started CRNA school yet, but I do believe in sanity over money. Your husband will have a good income when you are done and you can pay off the loans then. Right now you're making yourself ill, mentally and physically. If you back off a little he will be less stressed too, knowing that you are in better shape. Also, any possibility of a job you don't hate, or at least not as much?

Best of luck!

gaspassah · May 24, 2005

my wife is in the same boat, but i only have 2 months left. just remember, it can't last forever and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. you will make it and your relationship will be stronger for it.

d

TexasCCRN · May 24, 2005

Can I vent to all of you and ask for some input??? My husband ( this is his user name)... is 15 months out from graduating. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months. I am an RN working weekend incentive, and we have been doing this for almost 3 years ( 1 year BSN, 1 year pre-reqs, 1 year into CRNA program). I hate my job, but make great money and carry benefits. We are at the point where we both feel absolutely fried. I work Sat and Sun nite, sleep Mon, pay the sitter, clean the house on Tues, do Laundry and go grocery shopping on Wednesday, take Thursday off, and get ready on Friday to do it all over. All the while driving the older two to school, T-ball, swimming, etc. Hubby starts 5 day clinicals in 5 weeks ( up to this point he had only 4 days ) We are contemplating me going per diem at the end of the summer, which means more loans and $750 a month for COBRA, but also dropping from every weekend to minimum 2 days a month and maybe saving my sanity. 3-11 is not an option around here, even though I would love it. Am I crazy/selfish/lazy?? Do I just need to suck it up? I have intentions to go back to PNP school when he is done, so I am not about riding his coat tails through this. Please let me have it!! Thanks

Your family life, relationship with your kids and husband are of utmost importance. Maybe you can get a sitter more days of the week. Keeping your insurance benefits is pretty important in my eyes. I know 2 days of work a week can seem like forever when you hate your job. I am kind of in the same boat. You do have a light at the end of the tunnel. Also, how many activities are the kids in? It may be time to do some picking and choosing. No need for you to be running everywhere all the time. They will not be scarred forever if they have to pick baseball over swimming for the summer. Also your hubby can help out a little if he's not. He can do one load of clothes every now and then, put some dishes to wash. If he realizes the sacrifice that you are having to make right now, he has 30 spare minutes every now and then to help out a little. Maybe he is? I don't know. Just try to relax when possible, pray a lot, and like you said...suck a lot up till the end and take a heck of a vacation with just your husband and no kiddies! You 2 will both deserve a romantic getaway! Good luck!

medsurgnurse, RN · May 24, 2005

SRNA wife I feel for you. And maybe like someone suggested take a weekend off to refresh. But what you are describing is pretty much the same boat we are all in today. We work our shifts, spend the first day off recuperating, do the household things, say hello to the kids, and its off to work again. I did it, worked 80 hours a week, and had a full-time graduate course load. And no significant other for support ( financial or emotional). When your husband graduates you will be able to take some time off and enjoy your family. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

allnurses Guide · May 24, 2005

I don't have kids and I haven't started CRNA school yet, but I do believe in sanity over money. Your husband will have a good income when you are done and you can pay off the loans then. Right now you're making yourself ill, mentally and physically. If you back off a little he will be less stressed too, knowing that you are in better shape. Also, any possibility of a job you don't hate, or at least not as much?
Best of luck!

I agree with this.

15 months is a long time when you are already feeling fried. I'd go for the loans, get my sanity back and spend time with my kids.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

steph

malraymal · May 24, 2005

I agree with stevielynn, I would go for the loans in order to save my insanity and children. Worry about the future (paying back loans), but not so much that it drives you insane now. Life is short, live it while you can!!!!

kmchugh · May 24, 2005

Can I vent to all of you and ask for some input??? My husband ( this is his user name)... is 15 months out from graduating. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months. I am an RN working weekend incentive, and we have been doing this for almost 3 years ( 1 year BSN, 1 year pre-reqs, 1 year into CRNA program). I hate my job, but make great money and carry benefits. We are at the point where we both feel absolutely fried.

When I went to school, we went through this as well. My daughter was born four months into my program, and my wife was also dealing with my two teenaged kids from a previous marriage. By the time we got to the point where I had about six months left to graduate (in a 24 month program), she was completely fried. She backed off on her hours and changed units. We took more loans. We got by. She did a little better, but was highly stressed the entire time I went to school. I give her at least 51% of the credit for my being able to finish.

Fast forward. I now work in a smallish hospital for a good wage. Repayment of the student loans isn't a problem. In fact, we are currently making payments on two houses waiting for our old house to sell, which we have been waiting on for about nine months. We also pay all our other bills (the usual). Still have money to put away for retirement, and money to enjoy life. My wife now works four days a week in a unit that is only open days, and only works there because she enjoys nursing. The money she makes helps, but her sanity is the primary issue.

Others have said there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that's true. But it probably doesn't help much now. Explore your options. You hate your job. Are there other jobs that allow you to work for weekend incentive? Or can you work during the week. It seems to me that what little time you two could have together is gone because when he's home, you are at work. By the time you both have a moment to be together, you are both exhausted, from work, school, caring for the kids, etc.

One idea that has A LOT of merit is taking a little bit of your loan money for a "sanity break." If you have family close by, could someone watch the kids for a weekend, while the two of you got away? It does not even have to be anywhere too fancy. It doesn't even have to be romantic. Just a weekend, where you can sleep till noon if your heart desires, spend a little time together. Believe me, it helps enormously. PM me if you wish to talk more.

Kevin McHugh, CRNA

BigDave · May 24, 2005

It looks as though having health insurance is a concern as well. Does the school offer a family plan? Or, if you are truely desperate, maybe your husband can sign on with a practice and get a stipend or health coverage? paid while in school. There is much discussion here about signing on early, but you do what you have to do in order to survive...

RNMOMof2 · May 24, 2005

Hey SRNA wife,

I totally understand the situation you are in as I put my husband through school with 2 kids and worked 2 jobs. The BEST thing I did was get a maid. It might be a step in the right direction and a small price to pay before quitting a job with insurance. Have her come once a week if you must but once every 2 weeks worked great for me. And we eat a lot of hot dogs!!! Take care and you will get through this.

NGACRNA · May 24, 2005

We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months...driving the older two to school, T-ball, swimming, etc.

Will your children be permanently damaged if they don't play T-ball for a year? How about if you bought a little plastic pool for the backyard?

Compare their development if you go nuts. Your husband may be feeling like crap because he's not currently "earning and supporting". Your relationship with him is more important than childrens' activities.

Also, make sure you know what COBRA covers and doesn't. You may be surprised.

Pull back from anything not required. Eat more rice and ramen noodles. Live well below your means, and stay below the income you anticipate. I disagree with the suggestion to "get another loan". Sell some stuff on EBay. Listen to the Dave Ramsey show. Cut off the cable. etc. Be frugal, spend time as a family playing Monopoly (or Candyland, etc).

Save your sanity. You can't buy it back with any amount of loans.