Can I vent to all of you and ask for some input??? My husband ( this is his user name)... is 15 months out from graduating. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 10 months. I am an RN working weekend incentive, and we have been doing this for almost 3 years ( 1 year BSN, 1 year pre-reqs, 1 year into CRNA program). I hate my job, but make great money and carry benefits. We are at the point where we both feel absolutely fried. I work Sat and Sun nite, sleep Mon, pay the sitter, clean the house on Tues, do Laundry and go grocery shopping on Wednesday, take Thursday off, and get ready on Friday to do it all over. All the while driving the older two to school, T-ball, swimming, etc. Hubby starts 5 day clinicals in 5 weeks ( up to this point he had only 4 days ) We are contemplating me going per diem at the end of the summer, which means more loans and $750 a month for COBRA, but also dropping from every weekend to minimum 2 days a month and maybe saving my sanity. 3-11 is not an option around here, even though I would love it. Am I crazy/selfish/lazy?? Do I just need to suck it up? I have intentions to go back to PNP school when he is done, so I am not about riding his coat tails through this. Please let me have it!! Thanks
Let me just say a word here as an RN for 20 years and a Registered Financial Counselor. You are in a pickle that's for sure. But it is one of your own choosing so stick with the course. But I would advise against any further loans. Of course I don't know all of your financial situation. As a financial planner I would find out all I could about you and your family before giving any advice. But I have seen this time and time again. Taking out loans to live on while going to school. Debt is a killer. Nothing kills marriages more frequently or quickly than debt and money problems. Be tired now, or be tired later, which do you want to do? Do what you have to do but I urge you to flee from the "easy way out" which will turn out to be not so easy according to my observations.
Personally, I think you want an awful lot and aren't willing to make many sacrifices. 15 months? Hardly no time at all. Put it in perspective and suck it up! But, it doesn't much sound like you will, so you may as well go ahead and take out loans.
You think you're stressed out?
"Three billion people — half the world’s population — live on less than $2 per day, unable to meet their basic human needs. Malnutrition, lack of health care, illiteracy and substandard housing breed desperation, disease and daily suffering. Poverty traps future generations in a vicious cycle without hope or opportunity. In an increasingly globalized world, no one is immune to these problems.
Most people living in developing areas are self-employed. An individual wakes up each morning knowing that he or she must figure out a way to eke out a living, whether it be by milking buffaloes, re-selling items in a market, making tortillas, weaving baskets or other similar activities.
Even though they work from dawn to dusk, there is no money left over to expand their businesses or improve their quality of life. All that they earn goes toward basic survival. But why is this? In general, it is because local money lenders are often the only available capital source, and they provide business loans at exorbitant annual interest rates of 300% to 3,000%. Under this system, virtually all of the person’s financial gains are passed directly to the money lender. The individual does not reap the rewards of his or her own hard work." http://www.unitus.com/wwd_whatismf.asp
Be grateful you have the opportunities you have and such a high standard of living. Private school, indeed.
Personally, I think you want an awful lot and aren't willing to make many sacrifices. 15 months? Hardly no time at all. Put it in perspective and suck it up! But, it doesn't much sound like you will, so you may as well go ahead and take out loans.
You think you're stressed out?
"Three billion people-half the world's population-live on less than $2 per day, unable to meet their basic human needs. Malnutrition, lack of health care, illiteracy and substandard housing breed desperation, disease and daily suffering. Poverty traps future generations in a vicious cycle without hope or opportunity. In an increasingly globalized world, no one is immune to these problems.
Most people living in developing areas are self-employed. An individual wakes up each morning knowing that he or she must figure out a way to eke out a living, whether it be by milking buffaloes, re-selling items in a market, making tortillas, weaving baskets or other similar activities.
Even though they work from dawn to dusk, there is no money left over to expand their businesses or improve their quality of life. All that they earn goes toward basic survival. But why is this? In general, it is because local money lenders are often the only available capital source, and they provide business loans at exorbitant annual interest rates of 300% to 3,000%. Under this system, virtually all of the person's financial gains are passed directly to the money lender. The individual does not reap the rewards of his or her own hard work." http://www.unitus.com/wwd_whatismf.asp
Be grateful you have the opportunities you have and such a high standard of living. Private school, indeed.
kirbi
This is the real laughing gas... not the wife.
Although your response is thinking globally, and would make a liberal start crying, it is of no consequence to my wife's stated problem. Yes, much of the world is poverty stricken. Fortunately we were born Americans, and many of my family members died to insure our way of life. If you choose to live your life by the standards of Mexico or Afghanistan then you are truly a martyr... in your own mind that is. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Maybe I will take my kids out of school and start them in a sweat shop so they too can experience the joy of third world living. We will suck it up! You're right. I will keep my 2 dollars per day, and donate the rest to some para military organization that intends on turning our country into a true third world country.
Kirbi, are you a CRNA? Do you know what it is like? If you did attend school, did you have 3 small kids? From your other posts, you appear to be a basic student. A fine endeavor, but hardly credentialling you brow beat someone in a postion you could not even begin to fathom. We aren't willing to make sacrifices!!!! So these last couple of years were a cake walk? Your response is so uninsightful and cliche that it could only be summarized by the fact that you simply cut-and -pasted most of your response. You have exposed your deficit as pertains to empathy even though your plagery would have people think other of you. Be careful as you get off your high horse, you may get a clue.
Thanks for your understanding and intensely useful advice. I will think of you whenever I see Sally Struthers asking me to feed the children, or am filling up my 1968 GTX 440 cid that gets 6 miles per gallon of gasoline.
Having defended my wife's position.... to all else, thanks for your advice and words of encouragement for my wife. Our goal is to remain sane, and obstruct our kid's lives as little as possible.
I agree, like I stated before, my #1 goal is that my kids don't even realize what we are going through... ........
I sympathize with you both and wish you well, but can't say I agree with you on this point. Young as they may be, why shield your children from the simple facts of economic life? -- pay now or do without later. Why hide your sacrifice from them? Delayed gratification is not a dirty word.
I sympathize with you both and wish you well, but can't say I agree with you on this point. Young as they may be, why shield your children from the simple facts of economic life? -- pay now or do without later. Why hide your sacrifice from them? Delayed gratification is not a dirty word.
JMHO
deepz
True. We do make our kids aware of the cost of food. We stress to them the importance of not wasting. I have honestly not read each of my wife's posts, to see what she stated as our reason for wanting more money. Simply put it is more to ease our time costraints. Children will get no gain from not seeing us together for months at a time. Our intention is not to put them in more "things", or the ability to purchase things. We would like them not to remember these times as when the sitter was at our house all the time.
Another point about delayed gratification; I love fast cars. My kids also have learned the love. I now drive a crappy car that I can afford. My kids moan and groan about the fact that I sold my "fast"car for this heap. I tell them that when daddy is done with school, we can buy an even cooler car. They are made aware of the fact that we are in a transition time. We just don't feel that they should need to feel our pinch. Especially when there are relatively easy remedies available.
Hang in there dude! I personally do not see anything wrong with taking out whatever loans you need to maintain some sanity here. As I said in a PM to your wife, I would be buying one of those new Shelby Mustangs if I thought my wife would go along (my 01 GT isn't fast enough!). I might have to settle on a kayak or Hobie cat for those rare moments during school when I have to let it hang out!
I actually am quitting my job next week, leaving the military, and asking my wife not to work while I'm in school...just so that we can share any fleeting moments that I may have to spend with them. If that means more loans, then that's the way it is going to be. If I get really desperate maybe I'll get a job milking buffalos or something...
From what your wife wrote me, you guys are on the right track. Follow your instincts.
I hate politics, but I rolled in bed half the night with the "save the world" dialog on this thread.
So what would you have us to do?
Send money? Previous experience has shown that it either goes into the hands of the opressors, or it just fosters dependence.
Teach them alternatives or assist in farming? Most of the land in these countries will not support a bountiful harvest. It takes generations for people to develop skills in the modern world (trust me, I've been over there doing that), and most folks lose patience. Look at how we did with Afghanistan. Did you know that they had a record opium harvest last year--after we taught them alternatives.
Maybe we can do some more "nation building." But this usually invokes resistance from those risking loss of power. I can't remember an instance where this policy has worked...certainly not in Vietnam or central America.
Did you know that the price tag for "stabilizing" Iraq is projected at $1 trillion over the next 10 years? And I don't think anybody really expects a success here. Then there is Syria and Iran right next door. Not a lot of stability there either.
Bottom line...yes there are problems in the world, but trying to make people feel guilty for getting fries with their Big Mac cause there is hunger and oppression in the world is wrong. Our governments wastes enough money to rescue all the hot spots of starvation in the world. They probably pay that much in subsidies to the farmers not to plant crops (that could be bought by the government and exported).
Laughing Gas and SRNA wife, figure out what you need to do to maintain your sanity and do it. Don't look back. No one else knows exactly what it is like to be in your shoes right now. If a loan will permit the needed changes, go for it.
I too tried to make similar experiences transparent to my children. My husband was in a full-time weekend MBA program and working 70 hrs/wk when our children were small and I worked full time. Now I've been in school to the tune of 20 credits/semester for nearly 2 yrs. Though my children are older, it's no easier. And I realize that it never was transparent for them, no matter how hard I tried to make it so. They could sense my stress level, and it was higher for having tried to shield them. I was the glue holding the family together, and like you, SRNA wife, my job was a source of much stress. Now I look back and realize that I needed something to recharge my batteries on occasion in order to take care of everyone else. Even 15-30 minutes for myself or a little fun with my kids or husband was enough to do it, and usually the most that we could manage anyway. I wish you the best.
I'm curious how you compare CRNA school to the 1-yr BSN program in terms of workload. I'm finishing a 12-month Accelerated BSN program with a very long commute. I hope to be a CRNA student in 2 yrs. My children are older, 11, 15 and 17, but I'd like to get an idea of what we're all in for when that day comes.
I would be buying one of those new Shelby Mustangs if I thought my wife would go along (my 01 GT isn't fast enough!). I might have to settle on a kayak or Hobie cat for those rare moments during school when I have to let it hang out!
LOL! plant the seeds now. My wife tells me the only reason I became interested in anesthesia is so I could afford cars otherwise out of reach. If this were a car forum, I would have to agree. Since it's a nursing forum... it's all for the love of patient care! :)
New Shelbies will be pretty affordable, less than 40k. I plan on building a bigger badder version of the car I had to sell to get into school. Fast cars are always a money pit that wives love to get involved with.
I'm curious how you compare CRNA school to the 1-yr BSN program in terms of workload. I'm finishing a 12-month accelerated BSN program with a very long commute. I hope to be a CRNA student in 2 yrs. My children are older, 11, 15 and 17, but I'd like to get an idea of what we're all in for when that day comes.
I may get drawn and quartered for this but... I completed my BSN in 2 semesters. I had to "add" classes to my registration form after it was signed so I could finish my BSN faster than what was allowed. This extreme amount of work compounded with full time nights in the SICU made for possibly the toughest time in my life. I was a walking zombie. I honestly don't remember much.
Once in CRNA school, I pretty much started to relax. I now had just one focus. I was in school, so no application stress. The workload in terms of assigned work is very light in my program. The BSN program had a ton more work. Don't let this fool you though. If you try to get by in CRNA school with what you are taught in the class, you will get smoked hard in clinicals. I had done 2 dozen SAB's before we went over them in depth in class. Your CRNA doesn't care if you haven't learned it in class. You are expected to be prepared. You must be self motivated. Class work generally directs you where to go. It is your job to acquire the information and skill. This is nice if you ever found yourself frustrated with the people in other classes who needed "extra help".
Personally, I think you want an awful lot and aren't willing to make many sacrifices. 15 months? Hardly no time at all. Put it in perspective and suck it up! But, it doesn't much sound like you will, so you may as well go ahead and take out loans.
kirbi
15 months is a very long time to children and to an already stressed family.
And discounting one person's struggle by comparing it to a worse struggle is no help at all.
As someone said, apples to oranges and meanspirited too.
Laughing Gas and wife - best wishes.
On the car question - my husband has kicked himself for years for selling his 67 Camero and that is his dream car. Someday maybe . .. :) For now he drives a Peterbuilt.
arkierns
16 Posts
Let me just say a word here as an RN for 20 years and a Registered Financial Counselor. You are in a pickle that's for sure. But it is one of your own choosing so stick with the course. But I would advise against any further loans. Of course I don't know all of your financial situation. As a financial planner I would find out all I could about you and your family before giving any advice. But I have seen this time and time again. Taking out loans to live on while going to school. Debt is a killer. Nothing kills marriages more frequently or quickly than debt and money problems. Be tired now, or be tired later, which do you want to do? Do what you have to do but I urge you to flee from the "easy way out" which will turn out to be not so easy according to my observations.