In 10/09 I was hired as a graduate nurse at a fairly large hospital. I was hired into the float pool, which made things even harder since I had to know different procedures for different units, etc. My preceptor operated on mostly negative reinforcement which made my orientation a nightmare. In any event, I made it through on 2/10 and have since been succefully taking care of patient assignments. My supervisor and co-workers seem happy with my work and everything seemed fine. I was always stone-cold sober, on top of my game, and ready for work. I should also mention my PCP prescribed some Xanax and Ambien for me to compare to see what worked best for my chronic insomnia. I chose Ambien and always awoke rested and refreshed for work.
Unfounately, around 3/15 I started acting loopy: driving in for work in the morning when I work the night shift, acting strange during reports, etc. I couldn't understand what was wrong. My night supervisor thought I was on drugs and sent me to the ER for evaluation and a blood draw. As it turns out, I had been hit by a virus (probably at work) that had decimated my kidneys and put me into acute renal failure (ARF). My BUN and creatinine levels were eight times the normal level and there was also damage to the left ventricle of my heart. I was placed in the progressive care unit (PCU), a unit for people who are more critical than those on a med-surgical floor.
For four days, the docs didn't know if the damage was permanent (making me a permanent dialysis pt), though the cardiologist said there was a good chance that my heart would get at least 80% of its function back with beta-blocker therapy. A kidney biopsy two days later revealed Acute Tubular Necrosis (ATN), a reversible condition in which the body repairs itself and the tubules regenerate. As you can imagine, I was quite relieved.
After all this, the docs wanted to send me down to mental health for three days. I was incensed and couldn't understand why they would be sending down there when I just wanted to go home and recuperate. Turns out that immediately upon getting down there, the head psychiatrist converted my involuntary status to voluntary status and explained he wanted me there so he could officially put into the record that my loopy behavior was the result of my medical condition. In other words, he wanted to ensure the safety of my career.
Now to the chase. Two days later I had a follow-up visit with a mental health social worker. She wanted to know my drug-taking history--and instead of being smart and lying through my teeth--I was a dummy and told her about all the stuff I did when I was young and reckless 25 years ago. I also told her about my cocaine addiction, which I successfully quit cold-turkey two years ago (Jan 2008) and haven't touched since. My current drug usage is about four beers a week, maybe two during dinner on my days off.
A day later she called saying she wanted to put me in an impaired nurse program . What?! I'm clean, sober, and no longer use drugs. She mentioned benzos showing up on the toxicology screen (for which I had a prescription) and also said that marijuana showed up as well (a bald-faced lie since I haven't used pot in almost six years). I immediately drafted a notarized letter dictating that she no longer could share information with other health care workers. I also called my union rep who labeled this individual a "crackpot," who appears to be railroading people like me into such programs because--let's face it--addiction recovery is a big business racket.
In any event, I have a another followup with my PCP on 4/19, and he has these recommendations on his desk. It's his decision whether I be placed--clean and sober--into an impaired nurse program. Of course, my license will be affected adversely, getting jobs will be next to impossible, and I'll be sitting in groups with people who don't realize they can quit their addiction by just stopping putting **** up their noses, in their veins, or down their throats.
I'm not in recovery. I'm recovered. I'm sober. I am not an impaired nurse and I refuse to enter such a program. My doctor is a reasonable guy, I don't think he wants to wreck my career. I'm a good nurse (for a beginner), but I will quit the profession if they do this.
Sorry about the rant, but I needed to get this off my chest and maybe some opinions.
Like was previously mentioned everyone is entitled to their own opinions but I just have to comment about the "willpower" argument. Speaking as an impaired nurse if it were 80% willpower my life sure wouldn't be like this. I'm sure others will agree that willpower has very little to do with it. If I didn't have willpower would I be a triple degreed, masters educated nurse with above average intelligence and still be a drug addict???? If it were that simple then how come willpower was achieved in other areas of my life but I struggle so much with this??? There is much more to it and I find it very offensive that you think our problems would be much better "if we just stopped shoving ******** up our nose, in our veins, etc." Sorry that was my rant I just needed to get it out. Honestly I think you should just do the program and move on with your life. Regardless whether you stopped your drug use or not you at one point WERE impaired so just think of it as paying the piper. But please don't look at impaired nurses in such a negative light we get enough of that from ourselves and other peers.
I don't look at impaired nurses in a negative light at all. Look, we were both addicted and attained our degrees, were functional, took care of our kids, etc.
I'm sorry if I offended you. Maybe what I mean by "willpower" is "desire to quit"--and as has been mentioned by others--if that isn't there, NO form of treatment will help.
The point is, I am not impaired now, nor was I ever when on the job in our industry. I always showed up for work sober and ready to perform at 100% of my capability. My performance evaluations are excellent and my supervisors are satisfied with my work. So why an impaired nurse program? Should I still give you radiation/chemo even though all signs of your cancer are gone? That doesn't make any sense and you know it.
In any event, thank Providence for union reps. There will be no impaired nurse program, no action against my license, and a return to work after a mandated medical/mental/substance abuse evaluation by a hospital-sanctioned physician which will probably include a drug test that will read completely negative.
One thing I learned was not to trust anyone (social worker, psychiatrist, doctor, priest) with negative aspects of my past, and when to keep my mouth shut (as mentioned so succinctly by post #2 in this thread). End of story.
I'm sorry if I seemed hostile. Congratulations on the resolution to your issue. I sure wish we had someone to fight for us in Texas, we are all on our own. You are completely right that if you are not impaired then you do not need a program. I feel the same way about sober nurses that are placed in a program for a past DWI. It can get completely ridiculous. I just get sensitive because of the way impaired nurses are stigmatized and treated by peers and others in the profession. Once again congratulations you can soon go back to normal life!
^ Hey babe, trust me--I am completely on your side. I was homeless, lost my family...everything. I had to fight like a mad dog to get back to where I am--a second chance at life, so to speak.
Impaired nurses are close to my heart, and I hope from the bottom of it that you can get past this demon and on to a happy life.
A quote that got me through the hellish periods of my life:
If you're going through hell, keep going. --Winston Churchill (who was--incidentally--an alcoholic)
Thank you for the information, and the time you took to type all that out.
But I should tell you that I quit cocaine on my own through 80% willpower and 20% through the use of an African psychedelic called ibogaine. Ibogaine resets the neuroreceptors that have been damaged after years of chronic stimulant abuse.
In essence, the brain compensates for the overabundance of dopamine in the synaptic cleft caused by cocaine use. It decreases the number of dopamine receptors, so when there's no cocaine, withdrawal symptoms such as anhedonia and hypersomnia set in. Somehow ibogaine helps reset the brain (at least partially) to it's pre-addicted state. I have no doubt it helped me get through the first two tough weeks after I stopped using, and began feeling somewhat "normal" again.
But "willpower" was 80% of the process, and it would be a mistake to assume that some people can't stop on their own. I sometimes think people stop being addicted to drugs and become addicted to "recovery." It's a multi-billion dollar industry in this country convincing people that "once an addict, always an addict." I for one don't subscribe to this myth, though my voice may be coming from the wilderness.
Again, though, your contribution is greatly appreciated.
I totally agree with you about people becoming addicted to recovery. I work with a guy who cannot shut up about it and I find it very irritating.
Let's see the facts that the board of nursing will look at.....
1. You were acting strange at work, while taking care of patients you were impaired enough that your manager felt the need to take you to the ER and have a drug test.
2. The test came back positive for benzos and marijuana.
3. You admitted your history with illicit drugs to the counselor.
Good luck. I think that's all I can say because I don't have the energy to argue with this one.
In 10/09 I was hired as a graduate nurse at a fairly large hospital. I was hired into the float pool, which made things even harder since I had to know different procedures for different units, etc. My preceptor operated on mostly negative reinforcement which made my orientation a nightmare. In any event, I made it through on 2/10 and have since been succefully taking care of patient assignments. My supervisor and co-workers seem happy with my work and everything seemed fine. I was always stone-cold sober, on top of my game, and ready for work. I should also mention my PCP prescribed some Xanax and Ambien for me to compare to see what worked best for my chronic insomnia. I chose Ambien and always awoke rested and refreshed for work.
Unfounately, around 3/15 I started acting loopy: driving in for work in the morning when I work the night shift, acting strange during reports, etc. I couldn't understand what was wrong. My night supervisor thought I was on drugs and sent me to the ER for evaluation and a blood draw. As it turns out, I had been hit by a virus (probably at work) that had decimated my kidneys and put me into acute renal failure (ARF). My BUN and creatinine levels were eight times the normal level and there was also damage to the left ventricle of my heart. I was placed in the progressive care unit (PCU), a unit for people who are more critical than those on a med-surgical floor.
For four days, the docs didn't know if the damage was permanent (making me a permanent dialysis pt), though the cardiologist said there was a good chance that my heart would get at least 80% of its function back with beta-blocker therapy. A kidney biopsy two days later revealed Acute Tubular Necrosis (ATN), a reversible condition in which the body repairs itself and the tubules regenerate. As you can imagine, I was quite relieved.
After all this, the docs wanted to send me down to mental health for three days. I was incensed and couldn't understand why they would be sending down there when I just wanted to go home and recuperate. Turns out that immediately upon getting down there, the head psychiatrist converted my involuntary status to voluntary status and explained he wanted me there so he could officially put into the record that my loopy behavior was the result of my medical condition. In other words, he wanted to ensure the safety of my career.
Now to the chase. Two days later I had a follow-up visit with a mental health social worker. She wanted to know my drug-taking history--and instead of being smart and lying through my teeth--I was a dummy and told her about all the stuff I did when I was young and reckless 25 years ago. I also told her about my cocaine addiction, which I successfully quit cold-turkey two years ago (Jan 2008) and haven't touched since. My current drug usage is about four beers a week, maybe two during dinner on my days off.
A day later she called saying she wanted to put me in an impaired nurse program . What?! I'm clean, sober, and no longer use drugs. She mentioned benzos showing up on the toxicology screen (for which I had a prescription) and also said that marijuana showed up as well (a bald-faced lie since I haven't used pot in almost six years). I immediately drafted a notarized letter dictating that she no longer could share information with other health care workers. I also called my union rep who labeled this individual a "crackpot," who appears to be railroading people like me into such programs because--let's face it--addiction recovery is a big business racket.
In any event, I have a another followup with my PCP on 4/19, and he has these recommendations on his desk. It's his decision whether I be placed--clean and sober--into an impaired nurse program. Of course, my license will be affected adversely, getting jobs will be next to impossible, and I'll be sitting in groups with people who don't realize they can quit their addiction by just stopping putting **** up their noses, in their veins, or down their throats.
I'm not in recovery. I'm recovered. I'm sober. I am not an impaired nurse and I refuse to enter such a program. My doctor is a reasonable guy, I don't think he wants to wreck my career. I'm a good nurse (for a beginner), but I will quit the profession if they do this.
Sorry about the rant, but I needed to get this off my chest and maybe some opinions.
AAAhhh So I read the remainder of the replies... Well, good, I'm glad your union stepped up for you.
The Hard truth is, it doesn't matter what the union does, if the board of nursing ever gets a hold of your 24 year cocaine/drug history with undocumented recovery of 2 years, you will have to answer to them for that. And they will not let that slide.
Do whatever you want as a human, an American, but once you become a licensed nurse, the state boards can and will protect the patients. You have the right to be whatever you want, but the board has the right to take your license away if you do not comply.
My current drug usage is about four beers a week, maybe two during dinner on my days off.
These two statements completely conflict with one another. Or at least, what I've been taught what "recovery" and "recovered" is. So, no...you are not "recovered" if you are still drinking. I pretty much agree with Magsulfate on all the above and I do not have the energy to discuss it any further, either. I do it all day long with clients who are also in denial, working in an outpatient psychiatric facility
Hello there... I read your complete Post and wow I thought I was reading my own story in some ways. In 10/09--I ended up having reporting to the recovery program for nurses, I was bombarded emotionally in every way....I had this social worker (and addictionologist) who deemed me to be in long term treatment and taken out of the nursing recovery program. I wont get into all the specifics because its very Complicated! I will say that in the interim of this "hell" I have gone through past 6 months led / forced me to hire counsel to help me with getting back into the program and preventing my nursing license from being taken away in which I have had for 12 yrs now. Now...I am finally re-entering the program after some hard, depressing 6 months for me. No job, no money, no self worth, etc. My advice to you....... now that your foot is kinda half way into this situation, to keep your license "Safe", do what they say no matter how hard it will be. Because ultimately its the state's decision on what they will do with your license. I have learned this the HARD way! You may not have a problem or perhaps do....Only you know in your heart. Be Patient and in time everything will get straightened out.. Trust me... but try and put your guard down a little,,,,I know its hard,,,,, but in this situation regardless of what we are sober or not, our career / hard earned is at stake!!!!! Go with it!!!!! Dont look back!!!! Keep moving forward!!!! Things will get better and on the road again for you, I promise. Hang in there, my Friend.
I'm missing something. First you said that the drug use was in your distant past, 25 years ago, but then you said that you quit cocaine 2 years ago. There's a big difference between someone who's been clean 2 years or 25 years.
texasgirl77
27 Posts
Like was previously mentioned everyone is entitled to their own opinions but I just have to comment about the "willpower" argument. Speaking as an impaired nurse if it were 80% willpower my life sure wouldn't be like this. I'm sure others will agree that willpower has very little to do with it. If I didn't have willpower would I be a triple degreed, masters educated nurse with above average intelligence and still be a drug addict???? If it were that simple then how come willpower was achieved in other areas of my life but I struggle so much with this??? There is much more to it and I find it very offensive that you think our problems would be much better "if we just stopped shoving ******** up our nose, in our veins, etc." Sorry that was my rant I just needed to get it out. Honestly I think you should just do the program and move on with your life. Regardless whether you stopped your drug use or not you at one point WERE impaired so just think of it as paying the piper. But please don't look at impaired nurses in such a negative light we get enough of that from ourselves and other peers.