In 10/09 I was hired as a graduate nurse at a fairly large hospital. I was hired into the float pool, which made things even harder since I had to know different procedures for different units, etc. My preceptor operated on mostly negative reinforcement which made my orientation a nightmare. In any event, I made it through on 2/10 and have since been succefully taking care of patient assignments. My supervisor and co-workers seem happy with my work and everything seemed fine. I was always stone-cold sober, on top of my game, and ready for work. I should also mention my PCP prescribed some Xanax and Ambien for me to compare to see what worked best for my chronic insomnia. I chose Ambien and always awoke rested and refreshed for work.
Unfounately, around 3/15 I started acting loopy: driving in for work in the morning when I work the night shift, acting strange during reports, etc. I couldn't understand what was wrong. My night supervisor thought I was on drugs and sent me to the ER for evaluation and a blood draw. As it turns out, I had been hit by a virus (probably at work) that had decimated my kidneys and put me into acute renal failure (ARF). My BUN and creatinine levels were eight times the normal level and there was also damage to the left ventricle of my heart. I was placed in the progressive care unit (PCU), a unit for people who are more critical than those on a med-surgical floor.
For four days, the docs didn't know if the damage was permanent (making me a permanent dialysis pt), though the cardiologist said there was a good chance that my heart would get at least 80% of its function back with beta-blocker therapy. A kidney biopsy two days later revealed Acute Tubular Necrosis (ATN), a reversible condition in which the body repairs itself and the tubules regenerate. As you can imagine, I was quite relieved.
After all this, the docs wanted to send me down to mental health for three days. I was incensed and couldn't understand why they would be sending down there when I just wanted to go home and recuperate. Turns out that immediately upon getting down there, the head psychiatrist converted my involuntary status to voluntary status and explained he wanted me there so he could officially put into the record that my loopy behavior was the result of my medical condition. In other words, he wanted to ensure the safety of my career.
Now to the chase. Two days later I had a follow-up visit with a mental health social worker. She wanted to know my drug-taking history--and instead of being smart and lying through my teeth--I was a dummy and told her about all the stuff I did when I was young and reckless 25 years ago. I also told her about my cocaine addiction, which I successfully quit cold-turkey two years ago (Jan 2008) and haven't touched since. My current drug usage is about four beers a week, maybe two during dinner on my days off.
A day later she called saying she wanted to put me in an impaired nurse program . What?! I'm clean, sober, and no longer use drugs. She mentioned benzos showing up on the toxicology screen (for which I had a prescription) and also said that marijuana showed up as well (a bald-faced lie since I haven't used pot in almost six years). I immediately drafted a notarized letter dictating that she no longer could share information with other health care workers. I also called my union rep who labeled this individual a "crackpot," who appears to be railroading people like me into such programs because--let's face it--addiction recovery is a big business racket.
In any event, I have a another followup with my PCP on 4/19, and he has these recommendations on his desk. It's his decision whether I be placed--clean and sober--into an impaired nurse program. Of course, my license will be affected adversely, getting jobs will be next to impossible, and I'll be sitting in groups with people who don't realize they can quit their addiction by just stopping putting **** up their noses, in their veins, or down their throats.
I'm not in recovery. I'm recovered. I'm sober. I am not an impaired nurse and I refuse to enter such a program. My doctor is a reasonable guy, I don't think he wants to wreck my career. I'm a good nurse (for a beginner), but I will quit the profession if they do this.
Sorry about the rant, but I needed to get this off my chest and maybe some opinions.
I concur with Mezcalero (sp),, My Father quit drinking daily rom and cokes and smoking Chetserfield, after 55 yrs!! He did it with NO AA , no meds, no psychologists, so I don't buy into this AA cult stuff, I did try it years ago and the people there are MORE HOOKED on caffeine and cigarettes than any drusg they might choose to use ( alcohol, street drugs), and they have this Cult outlook and Lord forbid if you don't bow down at Big Bill's altar!! The relapse numbers are ABYSMAL ( Sp) for AA NA, etc.. And if you try and quit on your won, and do it with great success, you are called a "Dry Drunk"! Hah!! I am surprised this AA carp works, I don't tink it does!
Besides, Bill became a heroin addict lkater in life!! They don't tell Ya that!!
It is willpower and nothing more!! Caling it a disease is BS!! Sorry, I am sure to get alot of the bumper sticker syrupy crap many of the AA cultists recite minute by minute!
I also worked at a Talbott Facility and met the man, and he relapsed!! It is a joke!
Oh, hah!! I just saw the ever so classic "You are in denial and De Nile is just a river in Egypt!" Dontcha think after over 70 yrs that this Cult might have polished up some new Mantras??
I know a guy who really had to extricate himself afther the AA brainwashing job, he was an annoying thorn in his families side, always with that Holier than Thou attitude!!
You can't go near an AA meeting without wearing a mask,a s the Cig fumes will kill you!!
OK, I wanna hear some of the mantras now, come on!!
BTW. I abused narcotics 10 yrs ago,a nd quit when I was damn good and ready!!
and dry drunk it is. i read the post and read between the lines. i recently came to my own conclusion how dry (drunk) i am. i lost my home, lost my job, lost friends and had not touch a drink or drugs in a long time. the drugs are gone, the smell of liquor no longer lingers, the hand tremblers are no longer obvious but the lasting effects of the chemicals on my brain are alive and present. my thinker is still broken and impaired. i came to the realization that i continue to make impaired choices. i need help and plan to attend aa sooner than later. let’s face it, if the original poster had her thinking cap on she would not have divulged her drug use to anyone connected with her job and profession. dah.
so being clean and drug free is great but having a new thinking cap on is wonderful. the new thinking cap will help me not to blame another soul for the mess i personally made for me, my family, friends and career. i am blessed to have had the intervention. the board members are intelligent enough to realize how long it takes for sobriety to transcend a mindset from using drugs to numb feelings into seeking positive coping mechanisms.
i only want to speak about my situation and my turn of events.
Unless it is on audio or video or you just failed a drug test (which you cant deny) never admit to anything you have done. Most of the time all they need is an admission and they will do and say whatever it takes to get it. Does not matter what they promise you...never admit to or devulge anything. I know a lot of nurses who have kept their licenses without any penalty because they stuck to their story and never changed it....Congrats on your sobriety!
Unless it is on audio or video or you just failed a drug test (which you cant deny) never admit to anything you have done. Most of the time all they need is an admission and they will do and say whatever it takes to get it. Does not matter what they promise you...never admit to or devulge anything. I know a lot of nurses who have kept their licenses without any penalty because they stuck to their story and never changed it....Congrats on your sobriety!
That is interesting what state are you in? I thought that was how it worked, don't tell if asked, (Not the don't ask don't tell). NC is special the board entrapps nurses. Nurses have to stay a few steps ahead of those cunning ladies and gents. I would love to know the inner workings of the board drug investigators and disciplinary teams. I know nurses who were sober as hell but killed clients due to negligence and were not penalized after being reported. It seems druggies are treated differently by the boards and more severly. Can we call this discrimination?
Amen to NC entrapps nurses, unless you keep your mouth closed. I know for a fact that in NC unless there is CONCRETE evidence, no matter what, the board cannot do anything to your license. Now they may have then under investigation for 2 yrs but they can not place them on probation, suspend, or revoke them. The board either needs concrete evidence or an admission of drug use to take your license, which goes back to don't tell if asked,
This thread is really fascinating. It points to how very complicated we human beings are. There is much here to comment on.
First, about ATN caused by a virus, I mean how bizarre is that? It’s good to learn that you are recovered from this horrible condition! What a terrifying situation that must have been for you. My concern is the cause which you described as viral and the potential for a recurrence.
Second, about Ibogaine, Really? This is really interesting stuff. How in the world did you come into contact with this therapy? This would be an interesting story in itself. I am, in fact, wondering if you may have had to travel outside of the U.S. for this therapy.
Third, I wholeheartedly agree with your assertion that much can be learned from other cultures. I would however also point out that caution should be exercised as well. What I mean is that while you certainly have found value in at least one aspect of this culture it has not cultivated a need to move to Gabon where the life expectancy rate is 52.75 years (at least not so far as you have described thus far).
Fourth, a word about honesty; I am highly skeptical of anyone that would assert that they are completely honest. While I feel that striving for complete honesty is crucial to the functioning of our society and a positive personality trait we all know that there are times when it is best not to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Case in point, yesterday my wife asked me “How do I look?” She happened to be wearing a new magenta sweater with a black and white checkered shirt. The first thought that popped into my head was “Why so serious?” (I had an image of Heath Legder as the joker in my head). So, here is just one small example where wisdom prevailed over honesty to everyone’s benefit (unless my wife happens to run into batman; in which case I shall forever lament my decision to hold my tongue).
Lastly, regarding 12 step programs; Passions run high regarding this for good reason. Addiction is highly debilitating and potentially fatal if left untreated. For those who have recovered through a 12 step program and have seen their lives significantly improved there seems no need to question it. I have been involved with 12 step programs for over 20 years. For me the benefits outweigh the negatives and I use them as an adjunct along with diet, exercise and meditation. That’s not to say that I think 12 step programs can or do work for everyone or that alternative therapies have no value. What I’m saying is that 12 step programs are completely psychological/spiritual/emotional/social in nature. 12 step programs are simply a means by which you gain access to a multitude of free tools that you have to figure out how to put together in your own life with the help of others if you so choose. The downside to these free programs is that anyone who says that they have a period of clean or sober time can be held up a model of ‘good’ recovery. Anyone who has been involved with a 12 step program for any significant period of time can point to at least one example of someone with significant clean time for which they would not give a dime to trade places with. Considering the dire situation of the addict that is just entering this environment there is no question in my mind that this can be a recipe for disaster at times.
Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
Caling it a disease is BS!! Sorry, I am sure to get alot of the bumper sticker syrupy crap many of the AA cultists recite minute by minute!
I also worked at a Talbott Facility and met the man, and he relapsed!! It is a joke!
Ahhh yes. So if a diabetic "relapses" that means it's not a disease? Or does it mean they stopped following their treatment plan?
The science supports the disease concept. The fact that you don't understand the science (or haven't read it) doesn't mean it's not accurate and valid. As health care professionals we don't have the luxury of basing our care on "beliefs". I don't believe in you but you still exist. (Nothing mean or nasty intended. Simply "not agreeing" with something or attempting to ignore it doesn't make it any less real or make it go away. In fact, denial is one of the main obstacles as well as the main symptom medicine AND society must overcome if we are to make progress in treating the disease and decreasing the rising numbers of those developing addiction).
There is plenty of science available discussing the pathophysiology. Unfortunately it has to be studied in order to "get it".
Thank you for posting the links. I watched the entire Dr. McCauley video and have to say that I got more info about the disease of addiction in that 72 minutes than I have in the last year of recieving substance abuse counseling.
Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
Jack,
Thank you for posting the links. I watched the entire Dr. McCauley video and have to say that I got more info about the disease of addiction in that 72 minutes than I have in the last year of recieving substance abuse counseling.
Great presentation, isn't it!? If you like that, you'll love his DVD called "Pleasure Unwoven". I use it whenever I teach a seminar or work with nurses dealing with this lousy disease.
wow, thank you for posting these links jack! :yeah:
i took advantage of all of them and have them bookmarked to share with others. watching the presentation by dr. mccauley was especially educational. his rational delineation of will power vs. disease is exactly what needs to be presented to the public on a mass scale. i'm going to consult with our state nurses peer assistance committee to see if we can obtain this video for presentations.
what i'm wondering is that with all of this information regarding the neurochemistry of addiction and knowing that stress is a primary trigger why more collaboration is not being done on self-regulation of the mid-brain drives through meditation. richard davidson at the university of wisconsin, madison has some very interesting research at the laboratory for affective neuroscience.
savgal1211
14 Posts
I concur with Mezcalero (sp),, My Father quit drinking daily rom and cokes and smoking Chetserfield, after 55 yrs!! He did it with NO AA , no meds, no psychologists, so I don't buy into this AA cult stuff, I did try it years ago and the people there are MORE HOOKED on caffeine and cigarettes than any drusg they might choose to use ( alcohol, street drugs), and they have this Cult outlook and Lord forbid if you don't bow down at Big Bill's altar!! The relapse numbers are ABYSMAL ( Sp) for AA NA, etc.. And if you try and quit on your won, and do it with great success, you are called a "Dry Drunk"! Hah!! I am surprised this AA carp works, I don't tink it does!
Besides, Bill became a heroin addict lkater in life!! They don't tell Ya that!!
It is willpower and nothing more!! Caling it a disease is BS!! Sorry, I am sure to get alot of the bumper sticker syrupy crap many of the AA cultists recite minute by minute!
I also worked at a Talbott Facility and met the man, and he relapsed!! It is a joke!