So I guess it is true...

[ThePrincessBride]

Nurses really do eat their young.

Long story short. My last quarter's clinical instructor told me in feedback via paper, that I was good. Good in clinical. My last clinical, I made a mistake in accuchecks and made too many attempts to get an accucheck. I own up to my mistake and have not had any more problems in accucheck.

So this scholarship opportunities arises. I need a letter of recommendation. So, I e-mail her asking if she would be willing to give me a reference. No response. Tried again about a week later...still no response. So I email her a third time (the deadline is REALLY approaching) and she finally answers. Her answer? She is "uncomfortable" with my clinical skills and feels she won't be able to give me a good reference. And she waits FOUR days before the deadline even though I've emailed her twice before in 2.5 weeks.

This whole time she made me believe that I was doing a good job. Told me verbally and even in our comments papers. Not once did she tell me, outside of the accucheck incident, that I was doing anything wrong (told me I was doing very good).

So I e-mailed her back requesting a meeting for specific feedback, and I even typed out the misleading comments she gave me that made me believe I was doing good. I also told her that it is unacceptable to not give a student feedback and to check her off when he/she is doing something wrong.

I feel like if I don't get a meeting or if she isn't specific that I should file a complaint against her.

Luckily, my present clinical instructor says she will give me a recommendation. She says that my clinical skills are average but feels that if I work hard enough, I will be able to improve my skills.

Am I going about this the right way?

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

I'm going to end by saying this. Doing well is not the same as a letter of recommendation. She doesn't want to write the letter, maybe because she's just lazy (who knows?), or maybe it's because of something sinister. You are definitely calling attention to the situation and it will reflect negatively on YOU not her. Work on what you need to work on, but I am trying to tell you... If she thought you should have been failed then she would have failed you. She thinks you need improvement but that doesn't mean she hasn't done her job (and it sounds like she was doing a good job, she gave you positive reinforcement and encouraged your skills).

Good luck, and please stop the complaint for your own well being.

There is a difference between positive reinforcement and just plain out lying to a student.

[noyesno, MSN, APRN, NP]

I can understand why you're upset, she led you to believe your skills were up to par and then out of no where claims she is 'uncomfortable' with your skills.

Also, she didn't let you know right away so you had to scramble to find another person to write a recommendation for you at the last minute. I'd be upset too.

She should have given you a honest assessment of your skills during clinical. That's her job. She also should have declined your request for the recommendation in a timely manner.

Try to shake it off. You're probably better off having a recommendation from your other instructor.

Random, but I always hated asking teachers for letters of recommendation. It reminded me of asking someone out/asking them to be my Valentine.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

I can understand why you're upset, she led you to believe your skills were up to par and then out of no where claims she is 'uncomfortable' with your skills. Also, she didn't let you know right away so you had to scramble to find another person to write a recommendation for you at the last minute. I'd be upset too. She should have given you a honest assessment of your skills during clinical. That's her job. She also should have declined your request for the recommendation in a timely manner. Try to shake it off. Your probably better off having a recommendation from your other instructor. Random, but I always hated asking teachers for letters of recommendation. It reminded me of asking someone out/asking someone to be my Valentine.

I hate asking for recommendations as well.

Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. I know I come off as extremely emotional and aggressive in the post, but I'm venting and this just happened today. I was caught off-guard and I really thought I was doing a good job.

[noyesno, MSN, APRN, NP]

You're welcome. :hug:

[Aurora77]

I'm angry because of the lack of honesty. I'm angry because she passed someone whose clinical skills made her uncomfortable. I want to be a great nurse. How am I going to be great when my clinical instructor didn't correct me and led me to believe I was more competent than I was?

You want to be a great nurse, but you aren't one. You're a student. You're going to make mistakes and be inadequate for a long time. Maybe she felt your clinical skills were adequate for your level of education, but not adequate for a letter of recommendation. I'm not sure how this equates to lying to you.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

You want to be a great nurse, but you aren't one. You're a student. You're going to make mistakes and be inadequate for a long time. Maybe she felt your clinical skills were adequate for your level of education, but not adequate for a letter of recommendation. I'm not sure how this equates to lying to you.

To that last bit, she told me I was "good" but then tells me she is uncomfortable with my skills. That's why I feel lied to, you know? Apparently, I was just squeaking by...and that scares me!

I don't get it. Excelling clinically is more important that being great at theory. My current clinical structure thinks my theory and book smarts are great, while my clinical skills are average. That's bad. I'd much rather be a C student in theory and excell in terms of clinicals than be the other way around.

[OCNRN63, RN]

It wasn't aggressive. I would post the message here, but I won't for other reasons. Yeah, I could have taken the hint, but I would have rather she had respond after the first one instead of waiting until the last minute. It does come off as malicious to me.

The problem is, she gave me positive feedback throughout are clinicals. And then this comes along. It comes off as dishonest and very rude for her to string me along like that. If I had been doing something that was SO uncomfortable, she should have corrected me.

I don't care if she remembers me and talks about it because I cannot respect someone who cannot be honest and upfront. Instead of taking me under her wing or pulling me aside to talk about my clinical skills, she lied to me. What part of that you do not understand? You don't tell someone they are good, as a clinical instructor, when you are not comfortable with their skills. IT IS UNSAFE.

Your manner in dealing with her was aggressive.

Honestly, if you are going to start off your career with such intransigence, you are going to have nothing but difficulty. You aren't willing to even consider that perhaps you could have handled this better. You're unwilling to take advice from other nurses who have experience.

And new nurses/students wonder why experienced nurses don't want to precept.

And you should care how she remembers you. You never know if you may apply for a job somewhere down the road and she's there on that unit.

Even your tone toward me and others is disrespectful. It makes me wonder if there's much more to this story that you've edited out.

[Aurora77]

To that last bit, she told me I was "good" but then tells me she is uncomfortable with my skills. That's why I feel lied to, you know? Apparently, I was just squeaking by...and that scares me!

I don't get it. Excelling clinically is more important that being great at theory. My current clinical structure thinks my theory and book smarts are great, while my clinical skills are average. That's bad. I'd much rather be a C student in theory and excell in terms of clinicals than be the other way around.

Again, maybe she felt you are good when it comes to where you should be for your level of education and skill, but not good enough for her to write a letter of recommendation. It hurts, I know, but there isn't much you can do about it. Most people are average, that's why it's called the average. Wanting to be more than that is a wonderful thing. Take this experience as an opportunity to learn and grow and you'll be great!

Excelling clinically means different things at different levels. In your first semester if you can take vitals and give a bed bath, you're doing great. If that was all you could do in your last semester, you would be terrible.

I also don't understand the dichotomy between excelling clinically and in theory. To be a good nurse, you have to be good at both. It's not an either/or proposition. You can't be good clinically without being good at theory.

[OCNRN63, RN]

I see compassion isn't your strong suit...

I'm angry because of the lack of honesty. I'm angry because she passed someone whose clinical skills made her uncomfortable. I want to be a great nurse. How am I going to be great when my clinical instructor didn't correct me and led me to believe I was more competent than I was?

A great nurse is one who is able to shut her mouth and think seriously about the advice she's being given, even if she doesn't agree with it initially. A great nurse is one who is willing to thoughtfully listen to others and realize that she may indeed be wrong.

Until you learn how to listen to criticism without lashing out, you will never be a great nurse.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

Your manner in dealing with her was aggressive.

Honestly, if you are going to start off your career with such intransigence, you are going to have nothing but difficulty. You aren't willing to even consider that perhaps you could have handled this better. You're unwilling to take advice from other nurses who have experience.

And new nurses/students wonder why experienced nurses don't want to precept.

And you should care how she remembers you. You never know if you may apply for a job somewhere down the road and she's there on that unit.

Even your tone toward me and others is disrespectful. It makes me wonder if there's much more to this story that you've edited out.

The tone? I wish you could hear me because I think you are hearing my tone wrong (that is the problem with computers/text, you can't hear the other person on the other side).

I could have handle it better, sure. But I think she could have handled it better too by being more upfront with me and not letting me falsely believe that I was doing a good job...when I was incompetent. And now I'm feel that I shouldn't have passed and feel like I'm hanging on a thread. No one wants to feel like they've been undeservingly passed through.

As for her, she never wanted to help me in the first place. Had no intention of doing so, though she told me with a group of people that she would write recommendations if we needed them. Even before I e-mailed back, it was clear that she would never be of any help to me.

And don't make this about all new grads/nursing students, please. We are willing to improve and take constructive criticism, but you, as the experience nurse, need to let us know what you are doing it wrong when we are doing something incorrectly! We can't read minds....sadly.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

A great nurse is one who is able to shut her mouth and think seriously about the advice she's being given, even if she doesn't agree with it initially. A great nurse is one who is willing to thoughtfully listen to others and realize that she may indeed be wrong.

Until you learn how to listen to criticism without lashing out, you will never be a great nurse.

But I was never told I was doing something wrong in clincal...that's the problem.

[VICEDRN, BSN, RN]

I agree with the posters above. I am relatively new (approximately two years as an RN) and I can tell you this is not nurses eating their young.

To be quite honest, you should have dropped it when your first request was met with silence and pursued other recommendations. It was rude to continue to email her.

Further, there is a huge difference between telling a fair to middle student that she is doing well and flunking someone who's clinical skills clearly don't match her level of clinical practice. ex. student is a third semester but has the skills of a first semester. I don't see any evidence that she thought you were doing anything wrong.

At this point, I think the teacher probably just doesn't like your attitude!