So grateful I found this forum!!!!

Nurses Recovery

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Hi...

My name is Kaitlyn and I'm an alcoholic... I'm also a new RN and a nurse practitioner student. I had worried about my drinking for years, but never quite failed the diagnostics I ran myself through... Never had that eye-opener, so I must not be an alcoholic, I just need to "cut back". (Never mind that I couldn't cut back- every time I tried and failed, I would tell myself in retrospect I hadn't "really" meant it! God, when I think back on all the mental gymnastics I put myself through to avoid facing the simple truth, I feel like smacking myself upside the head.

Anyway, so much for wasted time and effort. I am now 18 days sober and attending AA meetings, as well as getting online support at other forums. I just had no idea that a forum like this existed for nurses. I'm so happy I found it... gosh I'm getting teary-eyed. My sobriety is so new, and life feels like such a roller coaster, I'm very fearful of who I should tell and who I shouldn't due to my profession.

I didn't face my alcoholism due to any extreme exterior consequence. No DUIs, no legal problems of any sort, no real physical dependence (I was lucky not to have to go through withdrawal, I know), and was never under the influence in a clinical setting. However there were a lot of "yets" on my horizon. I have seen others in my family progress in the disease and I didn't want to be one of them. Also in the last year I know my school performance slipped. It's a new year and I'm trying to make a fresh start but I'm afraid I've completely lost the confidence of my professors. There is one in particular I'm considering disclosing my recovery to, but the fear factor is strong. I'm repeating the serenity prayer a lot... which is funny because I'm an atheist! I'm trying to think of it as a meditation. No matter what you believe, everyone needs serenity, courage, and wisdom. Especially me right now.

This is a completely rambling post... I'm just giddy to have found you all. Have good sober days everybody :)

Specializes in ER, LTC, MDS, Hospice.

I just went to the general nrs thread and read the comments. Some were hurtful. But I just try to remember that what someone thinks of me is none of my business. I also try to remember that they do not understand addicts and alcoholics. How can you learn about it with a few classes in nursing school. I need to focus on myself, work my steps, and keep doing the next right thing....one day at a time.

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bossynurse,

Its funny you brought that up. I went to that post and wala its jlsrn that posted that and she posted on nurses in recovery " going to try and quit beer and wine post." Am I missing something?

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bossynurse- she posted on here, quitting beer and wine,hmmm

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Specializes in Med Surg, Nursing Administration for SNF.
bossynurse- she posted on here, quitting beer and wine,hmmm

Me too. Completely confused, I am (but thats nothing new). My thoughts are, "there are no coincidences" and remember the "yets" . . . . . maybe that is true in this case. Although I am curious, it's none of my business.

Anyway, she did me a favor. :yeah: I found the place where I need to be, which is wiith my brothers and sisters in recovery practicing spiritual principles on a daily basis. My sponsor tells me all the time, we didnt get into recovery to "hide out" in the rooms. We are trying to integrate our way back into mainstream society. Guess I'm not there yet. Unfortunately, I still seek others' approval - yuck - I hate myself for that. When I am feeling more "social" I'll venture out again someday. Meantime, I am sooo happy to have found this forum and definitely all of you. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. Here is a hug for you, my fellow soldiers. :loveya: I truly feel like I am home. As for the "earth people", God bless them, for they know not where they may end up some day.

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Specializes in Operating Theatre and Occ. Health.

I so agree this is a great forum. Wish I had had access to something like during my career - so often no-one to offer support or even understand what you are coping with.

All the best to you, NoMoFear. (Love the name!) May you go from strength to strength! :yeah:

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Specializes in ER, LTC, MDS, Hospice.
bossynurse,

Its funny you brought that up. I went to that post and wala its jlsrn that posted that and she posted on nurses in recovery " going to try and quit beer and wine post." Am I missing something?

bossynurse- she posted on here, quitting beer and wine,hmmm

lol..........I thought that name was familiar.....:jester:

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Specializes in Med Surg, Nursing Administration for SNF.

ha ha - Im still "holding my own" on that thread, the last few comments from our friend (the OP) have been interesting. Ya just never know, do ya?

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I got up the courage to take a look at that thread bossy... It made me think back to the last couple years in school. The patients I had the most problems with were the drinkers! I was so deep in denial, and their addictions forced me to think about mine! I really resented them for it....

I'm doing pretty well everybody, 22 days today. I just got an AA sponsor. Feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.

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Specializes in ER, LTC, MDS, Hospice.

WTG on getting a sponsor!!!! What helps me with my sponsor is when we get together and dive into the steps. We take each paragraph and she has me tell her what each one means to me and how I can relate them to my personal experiences. She also tells me how they affect her and what they mean to her. It has been an eye opener for me.

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I agree with the statement "what others think of me is none of my business?" That helps me alot. I don't worry about what people who don't understand addiction and who certainly don't understand recovery think. I'll discuss the disease of addiction and what is involved in recovery with people like us who know. After over 16 years of sobriety my focus is on my recovery and helping others who want help, not trying to educate the general public, be they medical professionals or not. That may sound cynical but it keeps me sane and serene.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Nursing Administration for SNF.
I agree with the statement "what others think of me is none of my business?" That helps me alot. I don't worry about what people who don't understand addiction and who certainly don't understand recovery think. I'll discuss the disease of addiction and what is involved in recovery with people like us who know. After over 16 years of sobriety my focus is on my recovery and helping others who want help, not trying to educate the general public, be they medical professionals or not. That may sound cynical but it keeps me sane and serene.

Your words are helping me as we speak. Like an idiot, I dove in head first again to another "earth nurses' (my new term, like it?) thread ("detox etc, dont remember the exact name - on the GND forum again. I guess my retorts sounded snide, but I really didnt mean them to be. I am just still in shock over what nurses REALLY think of us. And it seems like so many of them. . . . What I dont understand tho, is how they continue to justify thier ugly and hateful feelings on the premise that they are just venting. We knew that we wernt going to be dealing with nice, happy people for the most part when we got into this profession. But how can you care for pts with that kind of animosity in your heart? Are they saying that these people dont deserve compassion, just throw them in the garbarge? Nurses eat their yourng AND thier pts I suppose. I was moved to tears at one point, and after that I vowed to myself not to go to that forum again. :no: Its not so much a need for approval, just trying to find some common ground I guess. I am even more grateful for this forum now.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

I see I've been talked about on this thread. I was talking about abusive behaviour by people withdrawing from alcohol on that thread. Yes, it's exhausting and disillusioning to take care of a lot of these patients. Not to start an argument, but I notice my username mentioned.

Yes, I'm glad I quit beer and wine, it's been a real positive in my life. Mind altering substances are very easily habit forming/ addictive. :)

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