I did the same thing with the IV Dilaudid where I worked at. My patients always got what they were suppose to have and I kept what was suppose to be wasted. I tried to quit on my own a few times without success. I would get so sick trying to stop and had to have "just a little"...(or more) to just be able to function. Then EMS took me to ER. They thought I was having a stroke. I had hemiparesis, was confused, didn't know the date or a few other things. What happened had to do with some effects of the drugs. I had been using awhile and the doctor in ER asked me why I wasn't dead (because of the levels in my system). I think you need to get into some treatment and get yourself clean and sober, get a sponsor, and a home group, and make those your priorities. As for your job......you WILL get caught if you keep using....trust me. Eventually, you will get sloppy...as was my experience. The obsession/compulsion to use can be deadly. I detoxed in the hospital last May (2008) and have now been clean for about 9 1/2 months. My license is inactive now, I just got out of jail last week after being there for 4 months, don't know if I'll get my license back because this is my 3rd strike. I used to think I was invincible and would never get caught and life would be wonderful! My suggestions come from my experience and I hope you take care of this soon. Maybe the psychiatrist can get you into a treatment program. Take the time you need off work to get the help you need. It might be hard to get a job after quitting one after 6 months but it will be impossible to get a nursing job without a license. You and your husband got married for better or worse, in sickness and in health. This is part of the worse and it is a sickness. My view is that those vows should mean something (yeah, I'm old fashioned, too). Please take care of YOU. This is not advice....just some suggestions from my experiences. I hope we both can find some strength and hope.
Good Luck!
