So grateful I found this forum!!!!

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Hi...

My name is Kaitlyn and I'm an alcoholic... I'm also a new RN and a nurse practitioner student. I had worried about my drinking for years, but never quite failed the diagnostics I ran myself through... Never had that eye-opener, so I must not be an alcoholic, I just need to "cut back". (Never mind that I couldn't cut back- every time I tried and failed, I would tell myself in retrospect I hadn't "really" meant it! God, when I think back on all the mental gymnastics I put myself through to avoid facing the simple truth, I feel like smacking myself upside the head.

Anyway, so much for wasted time and effort. I am now 18 days sober and attending AA meetings, as well as getting online support at other forums. I just had no idea that a forum like this existed for nurses. I'm so happy I found it... gosh I'm getting teary-eyed. My sobriety is so new, and life feels like such a roller coaster, I'm very fearful of who I should tell and who I shouldn't due to my profession.

I didn't face my alcoholism due to any extreme exterior consequence. No DUIs, no legal problems of any sort, no real physical dependence (I was lucky not to have to go through withdrawal, I know), and was never under the influence in a clinical setting. However there were a lot of "yets" on my horizon. I have seen others in my family progress in the disease and I didn't want to be one of them. Also in the last year I know my school performance slipped. It's a new year and I'm trying to make a fresh start but I'm afraid I've completely lost the confidence of my professors. There is one in particular I'm considering disclosing my recovery to, but the fear factor is strong. I'm repeating the serenity prayer a lot... which is funny because I'm an atheist! I'm trying to think of it as a meditation. No matter what you believe, everyone needs serenity, courage, and wisdom. Especially me right now.

This is a completely rambling post... I'm just giddy to have found you all. Have good sober days everybody :)

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Welcome to the site

Good luck on your journey and remember one day at a time

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Specializes in ER, LTC, MDS, Hospice.

Hi NoMoFear and I'm glad you found this forum. My daughter found it for me. She is good at finding things like this. Congrats on your 18 days. You don't have to tell anyone about your history with alcohol unless you want to. It is an individual decision. And you can count your blessings that things aren't worse for you. I wish I could go on with my life and my profession and not worry about legal issues with people who don't understand that this is a disease (it is documented by the AMA as such) and that we are trying to do the next right things. Of course there are those who abuse the system and make excuses and ruin it for all of us who are really trying. I'm glad you are praying. You do not have to believe in God. Just believe in a Higher Power...which could be your AA groups or your sponsor. I hope you keep praying. My Higher Power I choose to call God is faithful and I try to give everything over to Him. Happy Recovery!

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Specializes in ob/gyn med /surg.

hi nomofear i want to give you my support. i don't have any addictions( cats maybe ) , but i read all posts and i want to support you. i grew up with w/ a alcoholic father and a mother who was wonderful and supportive. so i read all your posts and can understand what you are going through.

i wish you the best of luck in school and all you do. if you need to use the serenity prayer as medataion , then do it you have to do . i believe in Heavenly Father and prayer , and in this life we have to have faith in something. the serenity prayer is beautiful and if it gives you peace then keep this in your heart always.

you sound like a wonderful person , who is strong and dertermined. you will do excellent in all you try. you have my support and encourgement... you are awesome .. i send you hugs and good thoughts

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Hi

I am there with you I have been sober for some time now and I am trying to get into Nursing school. You are lucky to be a nurse please do not take it for granted and get your recovery and your stuff right because it is well worth the ride that you are going to take on this rollercoaster we call recovery lol:) I have been a user all my life and because I could not go to school at all for 10 plus years. Afterall the trying I was told I could start my Pre Reqs in November if I pass my GED in Sept this next week. Ia m nervouse but you know what God did not bring me this far to let me fall . That is what you have to believe is that God loves you and so do I that is because you are you and I am me. We are alike in so many ways yet we differ as well it is a blessing to be with friends like you in this space and time . One day at a time and if you need a friend just call on me

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Welcome to Allnurses. I'm glad that you found us!

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Specializes in Telemetry & PCU.

Glad that you found us as well. Please keep your "butt in the seat" and go to as many meetings as you can. Doesn't matter what you believe, just don't stop praying. And no matter what happens, put your recovery first and it will be OK. Please do a new post when you get 30 days just to check in and let us know how your doing! Stay groovy!

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Welcome. Thank you for sharing your story and best wishes in all you do.

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Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.

NoMo - Hey! My name is Anne and I am an addict. I have been clean and sober for 9 years last month. I am so glad you have joined our allnurses family and especially the recovery forum. We have a great bunch of people, and are always ready to lend an ear to listen, even if you have a bad day and have to vent.

Feel free to pm me anytime if I can be of any help. I will be glad to. And, again, congrats!!

Anne, RNC

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Specializes in Med Surg, Nursing Administration for SNF.

OK SO WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WHILE I RALLY FOR US ON THE GENERAL NSG DISCUSSION SITE??!! I am so frustrated right now, I am thinking of nixing this online forum altogeather. It seems like there are way too few nurses that understand recovery and wd rather bash addicts/alcoholics. I have tried to defend our disease as just that - a disease. But no support to my posts whatsoever. Theyre pretty mean too. Read the thread on "substance abusers, they disillusion me" and you will see what I mean" Warning - it cd be a bit hurtful. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

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Specializes in ER, LTC, MDS, Hospice.

I haven't looked much else than in the recovery forum, but I'll check it out. Unfortunately, there are those who do not understand and never will. Those are the ones with a closed mind and are judgemental. I steer away from those people.

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Lol, I wouldn't look at that thread if you paid me! Sorry bossy, at this point, so early in my recovery, I am looking for support... not hurtful judgment. I'm hard enough on myself ;)

Thank you all so much for the welcome! I chose not to disclose to my professor, it just didn't seem necessary. I want to earn back any lost confidence by working hard and performing better, not disclosing medical and personal details.

Happy to meet you guys :)

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