Single mom nursing student without help-needing advice and encouragement

Trauma Columnist · Mar 6, 2010

I don't have any tips but I wanted to say how much I admire you! You are sacrificing a lot right now for your kids and I want you to know that the rewards will be there.

Are the grandparents involved at all?

We help out a lot with our grandchildren so that our daughter in law can go to school.

Or ....maybe your friend and you could work out some babysitting exchanges for study time without the kids.

CBsMommy · Mar 6, 2010

As a single parent I know how hard this is and good for you for wanting to make a better life for yourself and your kiddos! Here's what I do to help myself and so far, I've done really good in all my tests/assignments (knock on wood)!

I have to pay my daycare person for a full week, so I leave my son at the daycare person's house all day on Thursday and Friday (these are the days I have off from school). These are the days that I really sit down and study as well as after school on Mondays - Wednesdays. I also have my son take a nap during the day on Saturdays and Sundays and while I clean during that time, I can also study, or just spend alone time.

My 3 year old son also has chores to do around the house. He has to put all of his toys away when he is done playing with them. He has to make his bed in the morning. He has to get himself dressed (he picks out his clothes the night before). And when we are doing laundry, he will roll all of the socks and put them away. He also helps wipe down the table after we are done eating. He loves to help so the more I give him, the more he feels like a "big boy".

I know that it is hard most of the time but just remember that this part won't last forever! Keep your head up, you can do this! Good luck with your program!

Nepenthe Sea · Mar 6, 2010

Been there, done that! I am sorry this is so hard for you. Mine are 4 now (twins), and being bigger, it is easier now. But here are some things I've had to do:

Study while they nap and sleep. Sometimes, by the time I got them in bed, I was exhausted, too, so I would lay down with them for a little while and nap. Then I would get back up and study for awhile before going back to sleep.

Put your kids in the tub with some bubble bath and toys and let them play for awhile while you study in the room with them. This can get messy, so I used something small, like flashcards, when I did this.

If you don't already make flash cards, try doing that. You can use them to help you break down difficult concepts into smaller chunks, which makes it easier to absorb. I also make flash cards for every skill I have to learn, breaking the skill down into small sections. I go over each section until comfortable with it, and then put them together. This has helped me, anyway.

As far as books go, I don't really recommend extra books if you don't have alot of time to study, because they may have info in them that is different from what you're supposed to know for your class. I have found that I do best in school when I actually read the assigned chapters and take good notes over them, and use my lecture notes from class. Usually, it is recommended when we buy our books that we also get the acoompanying study guides, and if I have time, I try to also use those.

If your program has any tutoring, I suggest you look into that and get help. You are just in fundamentals, and the testing style will get easier for you as you get used to it.

I just feel for you - I really have been in your position. I have more help now than I used to, but for awhile, it was just me trying to take care of 18-month old twins and get through my pre-reqs. I hope that things work out for you :). Good luck!

darci14 · Mar 6, 2010

Being a single Mom is hard even when you are not in school. My first semester in school I found something that worked wonders for me. My only child is 18 so while I didn't have little ones under foot, I had been out of school for nearly 30 years. I found that the afternoons were a terrible time for me to try to study because by then, life had started to intrude on my ability to concentrate. As a result, I no longer study after 2 in the afternoon if I can help it. It is insane to a lot of my classmates, but I get up at 2 in the morning, have a cup of coffee and hit the books. I have found that my mind is so much clearer and able to retain material. At this time of the morning I am less likely to be thinking about what my husband or daughter said or whether they get on my nerves.

You may not be able to or want to get up at 2 in the morning, but some variation may work for you. Just find the time of day that your mind is most uncluttered and try to study then. Good luck.

kcochrane · Mar 6, 2010

Been there, done that! I am sorry this is so hard for you. Mine are 4 now (twins), and being bigger, it is easier now. But here are some things I've had to do:
Study while they nap and sleep. Sometimes, by the time I got them in bed, I was exhausted, too, so I would lay down with them for a little while and nap. Then I would get back up and study for awhile before going back to sleep.
Put your kids in the tub with some bubble bath and toys and let them play for awhile while you study in the room with them. This can get messy, so I used something small, like flashcards, when I did this.
If you don't already make flash cards, try doing that. You can use them to help you break down difficult concepts into smaller chunks, which makes it easier to absorb. I also make flash cards for every skill I have to learn, breaking the skill down into small sections. I go over each section until comfortable with it, and then put them together. This has helped me, anyway.
As far as books go, I don't really recommend extra books if you don't have alot of time to study, because they may have info in them that is different from what you're supposed to know for your class. I have found that I do best in school when I actually read the assigned chapters and take good notes over them, and use my lecture notes from class. Usually, it is recommended when we buy our books that we also get the acoompanying study guides, and if I have time, I try to also use those.
If your program has any tutoring, I suggest you look into that and get help. You are just in fundamentals, and the testing style will get easier for you as you get used to it.
I just feel for you - I really have been in your position. I have more help now than I used to, but for awhile, it was just me trying to take care of 18-month old twins and get through my pre-reqs. I hope that things work out for you :). Good luck!

Just want to add on to put a portion of those flashcards in your purse so that you can study them whenever you are just sitting (yeah I know that probably doesn't happen often). The three year old would probably love flashing the cards for you too. I used to tape my notes on a tape recorder and play them back in the car when I was driving.

Maybe you could find some other students with kids and start a playgroup while you all study. OR how about a babysitting co op where you take turns watching each other's children.

Good luck to you. I know it is hard. It was hard for me and my kids were older and my husband was very supportive. Take each day as it comes and soon it will be done. You can do it!!!!! :heartbeat

Cynthia104 · Mar 6, 2010

Being a single mom can be very tuff and the nursing program is a job in itself. My motto is if you still breathing you can accomplish anything. Single mothers have succeeded before so it's possible for you do do it too. My advice on studying, what help me anyway was reading the NCLEX books and especially answering the questions on the CD, flashcards and study groups. I wish you well and know that you can do it, never give up your dream.

cchiaffarelli · Mar 6, 2010

Sounds like we are in the same position! My boys are 3 and 4 and I agree with the mom who gives them "big boy" stuff to do. I do it with my boys too!

Flashcards are very helpful, and sticking to your lecture notes has helped me. I also tape lecture and skills demonstrations and listen to them every chance I get.

Another thing I do is keep a little notebook and every morning I do a "brain dump" into it. I start a new page with the date and make a checklist of everything that comes into my head. If I complete more than 50% of the list, I give myself a little reward.

There is a light a the end of this and you can (and will) do it. Hugs to you

Ivanam · Mar 7, 2010

I am married but my husband works alot so most of the day to day childcare duties fall on me. I have 5 kids, 20, 16, 10, 6 and 3. I just had to drop my program because I got to the point where I had to choose whether to help my 6 year old with a homework concept she was having a hard time with or finish my assignment. I was only in the pre-reqs but I was in an accelerated program so it was jam packed into 9 weeks per class. I chose to help her of course and it took over 3 hours so I was late with my assignment, but my point is that a 3 yo and a 7 month old need their mommy. After that happened, I re-evaluated my decision to go back to school, especially what it would be like in clinicals and decided that I needed to be there for my kids more and that I can always go back to school later, after all my kids were older. I admire what you are doing and the sacrifices you are making, but I would ask if there is any way you can postpne school until your kids are at least in school during the day. I know my opinion is probably not very popular, but school will always be there, your kids will only be little once and it goes by soooo fast. With the amount of work involved with clinicals and the core classes, something is going to suffer. You are only capable of doing so much. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

EleniRN · Mar 7, 2010

Hi there,

I am a single mom to an 8 year old son... I will (hopefully) be graduating from a 2 year RN diploma program in June. I can't lie or kid you - it's been incredibly difficult.. I've had to stay up late to read and study while he is in bed and then turn around and be up and ready the next morning for clinicals. I don't have any real tips or hints to give you, other than envision your life after nursing school.. the things you can provide for them and the job security ..... the knowing that no one can ever take away that piece of paper that you've earned...

Keep the faith,

Helen

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Mar 7, 2010

Hi,
I am a single mom with two young kids,3 yrs and 7 months. I started nursing school in January and I start my first clinical rotation (LTC) next week. Just need some advice and encouragement to succeed in nursing school. I have absolutely no help/support.Dad lives in another country and no family around. My only friend is also a nursing student with three young kids (actually had a baby last week).
I have not really connected with anyone in class so I am pretty much on my own. I am currently enrolled in fundamentals.I didn't do great on my first exam, and I failed my second exam. I got a 72,passing score is 75. I didn't study until the night before the test.I can't really study until nightime when the kids are in bed and sometimes I am just sooooooo tired.
So can anyone give me some advice on how to make this work? study tips, how to pass clinicals and exams and maybe some books that can help.
Sometimes I feel like I am not getting it and I fear that I may not be able to do this but I do want to do this particularly for my kids.
Anyway, I will appreciate any feedback.
Thanks

Hey there, semi single mom here. My husband works in another state from Nov to may and I have 4 kids. Mine are a little older (almost 14, then 10,8 and just about 3 years old), I also have no local family or friends other then nursing school friends. This semester has been really hard with my husband gone. With my eldest older, I can get him to babysit so that has been nice, I have a final on monday so I was able to ask him to take the kids to the park (mainly my daughter that is 3) that is across the street from my house,so I can get some quiet time.

I have to pay for daycare weekly though so I take advantage of that and will use some time I can if we are done with school early or something so I can have that time.

Having a 7 month old is harder for some of the things I do or plan on doing more of. But one suggestion, with spring approaching and the weather improving (I guess depending on where you live it might not be an issue regardless) maybe get a double stroller and walk and listen to lectures. I was going to suggest listening to your lectures and taking them to the park to play. But with a 7 month old that would be more difficult, as would play groups since you still have to watch them. So, get a really good recorder, record your lectures, and listen to them all the time. You can do that when the kids are awake and can still be more interactive with them unlike reading. Most kids enjoy a walk outside and if they are both in the stroller you don't have to worry about one taking off another way.

Is there a safe area at home you can block off with stuff they can occupy themselves with while you study, things you don't have to sit and constantly watch on (like free of chocking hazards) some musical kid shows I know my daughter didn't watch TV at all when she was younger except the Jacks big music show series and Brainy Baby. That was the only shows that would interest her. Start putting them to bed earlier if that is an option, like have them in bed by 7 and take a couple hours to yourself but still make time for sleep for you also. Kids that young if you are persistent can usually adjust to a new schedule even if it is rough at first.

If you have spring break off, read ahead as much as you can to have a step ahead, do practice books, think of things you don't understand and write them down. Do any practice CD's your book has. But that way you have a good understanding all ready and doing the questions might better prepare you for nursing type tests.

Also maybe try to find a some mommy groups, I know some people are so adamant against it, but craigslist can be a great resource if you're smart about it as well. Do you have summer off? If so, try and get through the rest of this semester and by the time summer is over your options for entertaining the baby will open up more as well.

Also don't wait to study right before, try and get your studying in a little each night. Where are the kids when you are in school? If you are able to take your lunch or an hour after (if your not paying by the hour) or before. Get some studying in then as well. See into trading some day care maybe with people with older kids. I mean even if you can swap an 2-3 hours a week, at least that will give you 2-3 hours of alone time.

Hang in there.

Hopefully my post made sense, I am way overtired myself and should have been in bed hours ago lol

I wish you much success.

DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN · Mar 7, 2010

Record lectures and replay them in the car, while cleaning the house etc (obviously not on headphones if you have kids). Read ahead during Spring, Winter and Summer breaks -- you can usually obtain the next semester's syllabi half-way through the current semester. Get the required reading assignments from them.

Before you commence reading entire chapters, as so many instructors like to throw at us, read the objectives of the subject in the syllabus. Be selective.

Also, try very hard to read the subject matter before class. You will feel prepared, you will be able to participate meaningfully in class and the material presented in class will crystallize what you have already read.

For me I don't take notes when I read because it slows me down terribly -- I do highlight. I also don't take notes in class because they go so fast I end up getting behind.

You can do this.