Sick Friend

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Every day at work we deal with patients who have potentially life threatening diagnoses. Occasionally these people chose to engage in self destructive behavior even after being armed with the knowledge that this behavior is contributing to their declining health. As professionals we often become frustrated with them as they become "frequent flyers". How do you deal with this person when they are your oldest friend...?

My closest freind was diagnosed with hepatitis C several years ago, her doctor believes she has had it since a very young age (possibly birth). She worries me because she leads the life of a 21 year old frat boy; drinking excessively, not sleeping enough, fast food diet, smoking, etc. She thinks because she has had it so long and has never been significantly ill she is somehow immune to its devastating effects. Recently she received a pretty hard blow from her doc that her ALT levels have skyrocketed (in a very short time) yet she continues her destructive lifestyle claiming "I'll quit after the holidays" or "after my vacation" or "after my birthday". But "after" never comes because something else always comes up... She has expresses much disdain for "preachy" friends who have previously tried to suggest a lifestyle change. My heart aches for her, I want to help her but if she is not willing to change am I just wasting my breath?

I am not looking for medical advice, just maybe some guidance on how to help her realize the magnitude of her diagnosis or some advice on just how to help me deal with this because I'm at a loss.:crying2:

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

I am not looking for medical advice, just maybe some guidance on how to help her realize the magnitude of her diagnosis or some advice on just how to help me deal with this because I'm at a loss.:crying2:

I suspect that she does realize the magnitude of her diagnosis.

I doubt there is much you can do to help her until she is ready for help.

God bless you both.

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Like teens who drink and drive, it sounds like "it won't happen to me" syndrome. You may need to just stand by her, be her friend, and be there when she falls. It will happen and if you can contain the "I told you so" then maybe she will listen to you .... if she survives.

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Specializes in School Nursing, Pedi., Critical Care.

It almost sounds like a control issue. Maybe she needs to do it, change her lifestyle, on her terms, not b/c people have told her to. I would tell her that what she is doing is self destructive behavior and that you won't bring it up anymore to her and that when she is ready (again, on her own terms) to take her health serious, that you will be there to help and support her. That gives her control and she will feel comfortable coming to you when she is ready and not have to worry about I told you sos!

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what i have done, is print off basic information about their disease process and tell them when/if they decide to take it seriously, here is the info.

it has worked for some.

bottom line is regardless of their reasons, it is ultimately their choice on how they handle it.

leslie

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Specializes in LTC, home health, critical care, pulmonary nursing.

Different circumstances, but I am just like your friend. She is probably very aware of what she is doing. Nothing anyone says is going to change her choices. She has to reach a point where she cares enough about herself. No amount of love for information rom anyone else will make any difference.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

You know, that sad part of our profession is people have the right to make what would seem to be bad decisions. Your best bet is to be there and support your friend in a non-judgemental way. When you friend is ready, if she ever becomes ready, she'll make the lifestyle changes necessary. And at that point, she may be willing to seek out your help. Just be a good friend.

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Thank you for all your kind words... I have been speaking to my SO about this and he has said pretty much the same thing, "be there for her but don't judge she will change when she is ready." I think the most frustrating thing for me is how every day I help strangers begin to change and make better decisions to better their health, yet I feel virtually helpless here...

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If things get really bad do you have enough mutual friends that will all sit down with her and confront her without being confrontational?? Any close links to any one with substance abuse nursing background??

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Specializes in Emergency.

I feel for you as well. Being in the profession we are in, we have that need..that desire to want to help our patients live a more healthier life. When it is close to home such as your situation, it can be extremely difficult to handle. I agree with Highlandlass. Just continue to be there and offer your support. That is all you can do until she comes to realize the magnitude of her unhealthy lifestyle.

I wish you luck...

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Specializes in CVICU, Burns, Trauma, BMT, Infection control.

I might talk to her about how this is affecting you and maybe give her the printout. She is probably thinking that she's only affecting her life and maybe a gentle talk about how her behavior and how it will probably decrease the time she has left with you and that it's upsetting you understandably. I wouldn't be confrontational about it so she doesn't write you off as another preachy friend. Sometimes I've found that people who act like this are very angry(at God,at their disease,etc) and she might welcome the chance to just talk about it and her mortality at some point. The others are right though,it is her life and her choice on how she deals with it and the sad truth might be that you might need to distance yourself a little to avoid being devastated when the inevitable happens. [[[Hugs]]]

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If things get really bad do you have enough mutual friends that will all sit down with her and confront her without being confrontational?? Any close links to any one with substance abuse nursing background??

We have many mutual friends that would probably be willing to sit down with her, the only problem is she has kept her diagnosis secret from most our friends because she is afraid of how they will react...

I know she feels her actions would not be considered substance abuse, but I definitely feel she could benefit from some sort of counseling or a support group. I realize I just need to be there for her when she's ready to deal, I just wish I could make her understand that admitting unhealthy actions does not make you a bad person or a failure...

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