Should I postpone starting a family?

Stitchie · Mar 30, 2005

All I can speak of is my own personal experience. I was 32 when I started nursing school, married at 33 (about average in my social circle). We decided to start having a family right away and I started nursing school anyway.

Well, as luck would have it, I had lots of trouble with miscarriages -- 5 years of infertility (I learned so much that I feel I have a MSN in infertility!) and we never had any biological children. The infertility experience was hell on earth, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I finished nursing school, worked for a year while going thru the adoption process, and late last year my husband and I brought home twin 13 month old girls from Poland. They are now almost 17 months (as of Monday 3/28) and now I'm a stay at home mom.

We can't plan everything. My advice to you is to go and start school, see how far you get. You might finish and become pregnant. You might get pregnant early on in your attempts. Or you may have a ton of trouble as I did, which I sincerely hope you don't. School, jobs, hospitals will always be there. Your fertility won't. Your babies won't. If you are lucky enough to be a SAHM then more power to you (although, honestly, it can drive you up the wall sometimes). You might be lucky enough to work part time and find good day care, good hours, etc. The possibilities are endless.

You are not too old to consider having children or going to school. They are not mutually exclusive activities. The great thing about nursing is that a) the majority are women and b) most women, but not all, have kids who need day-care services. Since we adopted my DH and I decided that I would be a SAHM because of the stability it offers to our girls, but at the same time, I would love to work part time just for the chance to use my brain!

Good luck with whatever you decide. You'll be fine.

mugwump · Mar 30, 2005

I waited to start to have a family until after I graduated. I graduated when I was 28 and it took me 1 1/2 years to get pregnant. If i had it do do over again I would start a familiy. Sure it will be hard, but if you have the support and a plan (day care) I say go for it.

USA987, MSN, RN, NP · Mar 31, 2005

The one thing that can be tough is that you may be taking maternity leave prior to becoming proficient in the role of an RN. One of my coworkers basically had to go through orientation AGAIN when she came back as she was only on her own a few months before taking off.

It really is an individual decision. You really need to examine your support system. Going through nursing school can cause as much sleep deprivation as caring for a newborn. Also, when the baby is sick will your husband be able to stay home to care for the baby if you are still in nursing school and have a big test or clinicals???

Just a few things to consider. Best wishes to you!

BSN2004 · Apr 2, 2005

I'm 25 and fresh out of school. I can only say that it can be done. Nursing school is hard but there are people in the program with young children, six children, and pregnant. the only thing as far as giving birth during the school year is you are only allowed to miss certain amount of clinical days, most schools are VERY strict about this. they dont care if you have morning sickness, grandpa died or your sister went to another hospital. you would have to time it well, or have a VERY understanding instructor, or take the semester off and jump back the following year. As for having children and working? piece of cake. you do have to be more aware of infectious diseases and your health, but if you have a good doctor- you can just take off work earlier, like most women do. Good Luck

live4today, RN · Apr 3, 2005

being a woman does tend to put more responsibility on us because we are the ones who carry the child, raise the child (in the majority of cases), miss work or school when the child is sick, and everywhere we go we have to take the child with us or always have to be the one to make the arrangements for their wellbeing when we need moments for our selves, times to make doctor appointments, childcare if we work outside the home, and so forth. men just get to grin from ear to ear when the baby starts saying "dada" and laughing at him, but still gets to walk out that door and work as many hours as they want or need to, even attend college and study without wondering who will be watching the children while he does so, comes home from work and naps when he is tired while the woman keeps on going stronger than the energizer bunny.

saying all that............start school with your prereqs and get those out of the way while you are planning your family. your courses will be good for a number of years, and there is probably a waiting process before you can start the actual nursing classes and clinicals anyway. by that time, you'll at least hopefully have "baby number one" born with time to spend with the baby before your clinicals start.

ask husband to write down a commitment of what he is going to give to you while you are attending classes when your first baby comes. if he hesitates to commit in writing, you may as well accept the fact that if you have a baby and still want to continue with nursing, it's all going to rest mostly on your shoulders. ask yourself if you can handle that or not.

myself, i went through college and nursing raising three children without much help from their father. they were all in school fulltime, so i started by taking the non nursing courses first, so by the time clinicals rolled around, my entire focus was on the nursing courses and my clinicals. i even had pharm out of the way, all the sciences, all the english classes, all the psych and sociology classes out of the way, and then some. that truly made the haul through school much smoother. i knew going into the program that my husband would not be a support system for me other than paying for my college expenses. that was his only contribution, too.

you can do it! many women do! you can plan your pregnancy, have your baby, and not feel torn about mothering if you keep your priorities in order according to your goals for yourself and your family. one step at a time...one college course at a time. :)

allnurses Guide · Apr 3, 2005

If I could go back and do it over, I would get my education first then have kids.

I preach that to my kids too. It is very hard, granted doable, but very hard to go to school with children. Also working full-time with children is hard.

And I had a baby at 43 my dear so it can be done. :)

I work part-time now so I can stay home with my 3 year old. I was a stay at home mom with my older kids (they are 22, 20 and 15).

I guess you have to weigh if you want to have a family now more than you want to go back to school and be a nurse.

Working isn't all it is cracked up to be. :rolleyes: And I get plenty of time for using my brain - believe me. I don't need work for that.

Lots of good advice here . .. good luck.

steph

Hippytrip · Apr 4, 2005

IT IS HARD! Going to clinical's with morning sickness, your hormones already make all the smells so much stronger, and angry patients..... I DID IT, It was hard. I had my baby 12/7/04 graduated 12/19/04.........

jenjen22 · Apr 4, 2005

Thank you all so much for your advice and encouragement! I know that there is no clear cut right answer, but all of your advice has helped. I will just continue praying about it, and take it one day at a time.

Thanks,

Jen

BlaineCM · Apr 5, 2005

jenjen,

I am in the same situation as you. I am 25 and about to start nursing school for my BSN which will take two years. I then plan to go to school to become either a Nurse Practioner or a Nurse Anesthetist. In order to do either of these I have to work as an RN for a year or two then the actual schooling takes 2-2.5 years. By the time I am out of school I will be close to 33. I want to someday have 2 kids and, like you, I am confused as to whether to start my family after graduation, during school, or during my 1 or 2 yrs off before beginning grad school.

Maybe one day we will be able to figure it out. I really want to have all my children before I am 34.

applepie2 · Apr 5, 2005

I think you should finish going to nursing school first then start a family. Once you have kids its not about u anymore. Your gonna have to devote all your time and energy in taking care of the kids. Its double hard trying to that and study at the same time. What ever u decide, good luck!

jeepgirl, LPN, NP · Apr 6, 2005

I've gotten to the point where I say: Who cares?

I mean, I was 17 years old when I had my child. I hadn't even started college yet, even though I had some undefined plans. I had an unsupportive boyfriend... I did, however have a good family that helped me a lot.

I'm 21 now. I graduated last year (20) with my RN. I'm almost done with the BSN (21). I was able to do it being young and pretty naive.

My doc, on the other hand, was young when she went to med school. She had the first baby during med school. everyone said "Oh no, why would you have a baby during med school?!" BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO!! And to shock others even more, she had a second one during her residency. She just had her third... she has her practice now. And she has absolutely no regrets. She was actually the one who encouraged me that I could do whatever I wanted with myself and be successful.

Obviously, you are smart. You're going to school already. You've got goals that you're set on achieving. You're older and more mature, which is an advantage. You've got a great support system and husbands that care for you.

Either choice is doable, in my opinion. But it is up to YOU to decide what is best for you. Will you be HAPPIER with a child? Almost always the answer will be yes. Will it be easier? Almost always the answer will be no. It's just up to you to decide what you're willing to sacrifice for your family or your career.