Should I get a gap year during nursing school? Not feeling well.

[succinate]

I'm a new nursing student who attends a university in Canada. While I love it and the support from my nursing faculty is phenomenal, I am not feeling well mentally. I have been in this state for many, many years. I made a vow to myself that I will get psychiatric help for myself soon but never did it. I won't go into detail about what has been happening to my mental health over the past few years but let's say, one of the problems causing this is my hearing disability and the resultant speech impediment. Over the past few years, I've noticed a huge deterioration in my speech and so haven't been able to communicate with people well. this is the huge reason why I'm preventing myself to go see a psychiatrist. What if the doctor is unable to understand me and because of that, the time is being wasted away??

I've been severely depressed about myself over the past few years and just this summer, it got much worse to the point where I had a mental breakdown while I was visiting my university for a leadership workshop. My mother thought it was separation anxiety but truth be told, it's not. I had so much going on in my mind (no it's not stress about nursing) that I could not cope with the demands of my daily life. I just could not, but it was really a miracle that I'm still alive today. No I'm not talking about suicidal thoughts or committing the suicide but it's amazing that I am still functioning today since that breakdown this summer. I think it's because I'm bottling my emotions up inside.

WHen I started university, I told myself that I cannot do it with the state of my mental health. I really don't know what's going on with myself - it could be depression, a mental disorder or whatever. That's why I'm on the verge of seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If I had not been like this, I would have coped with university in a much better way. But now I can't. It's becoming too much. I feel that the emotional pain I was in over the past few years is slowly returning to bite at me at the moment. It's creeping up in my inner self.

I can't muster courage to see a doctor and I don't think I will ever. last night, I was bawling my eyes out because I was really depressed and slept in (I've noticed big changes in my sleeping pattern because of not feeling well) and upon waking up, I came up with an idea. I am going to take a gap year after I complete this first year of nursing school and just do nothing about it. I might go traveling to make peace with myself or I can just sit at home and learn to overcome this hardship.

I really don't know. I need your advice.

[JBudd, MSN]

The help we can give you is to encourage you to do what you already know you need to do; get professional help.

Any good therapist will work with you to understand you, they don't want to "waste time" any more than you do.

Your coping is "sprained", just like an ankle can be; you wouldn't refuse crutches if you couldn't put weight on your foot would you? So use the help (the crutch) for your coping and emotions. There isn't a really a difference.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Get help.

NOW!

I spent ten years in a horrid hole. I'd dig myself out a bit, then fall further in...it took a breakdown & psych hospitalization, therapy, etc., to correct it.

I was never suicidal but I think I just went on living because that's what a person does. You sound like I did a year and a half ago.

Please please PLEASE get help.

[christina731]

Please take the time to take care go yourself before your problems get worse. No amount of education is more important than your health.

[VAgirl247]

I received an auto immune disease this summer and didn't find out until 2 weeks before school started, and that was 2 weeks after a break up. I decided to take the semester off. I hate I'm not with my original cohort. But I have to help my self before I can help others :). My friends in my old co-hort who know what's going on have been supportive of me, of course there are always going to be people who don't understand why you can't be superwoman/superman. Those people you don't need in your life anyways :). I'm set to register for classes in the spring in November. I'm glad I took time off to regroup myself. I also got a cool job in a hospital. Not necessarily cool but definitely interesting.

[SopranoKris, MSN, RN, NP]

Please know that you are not alone. If you seek the help you need, you'll feel so much better that you did. Take a year off to take care of the most important thing....YOU! But please seek professional help.

You are worth it!!!

[succinate]

Thank you all for your answers. I'm so wrecked inside that at any moment, I will cry right now. Even at just the moment of visiting a psychologist makes my eyes tear up. Ladies (and gentlemen), what if upon entering the psychologist's room or even booking the first appointment with him (at my university, there's a psychologist and I honestly don't know if he's good or not), I start bawling my eyes out and I would be gasping for air as I am trying to speak? What if snot runs out of my nose? What if I'm incoherent? what if after the appointment my eyes would be puffy and swollen and everyone would stare at me???

Help? Thanks a lot!

[Fumanchuesday]

you seem really focused on what others think... you need to remember that this isn't about anybody but you... don't think that a psychologist or psychiatrist is sitting there waiting to judge you; this is their job to help you... it is what they do

[JBudd, MSN]

so what if snot runs out? is that worse than continuing to live in fear of living life? Most people are too involved in their own lives to pay much attention to what you are doing.

You took the first step, you asked for help here. Now, ask for help at your school. {{hugs}}

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Who cares if those things happen?

The psychologist will have much experience in dealing with them.

Please don't worry about your eyes being puffy. You can always say that you're having a bad day or received some bad news, something like that, if you're asked.

[MatrixRn]

Agreed who cares if snot runs out. Bring a kleenex. It sounds to me you are afraid of what you might start saying and what you have to say will freak someone out. Guess what they have heard just about everything.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Agreed who cares if snot runs out. Bring a kleenex. It sounds to me you are afraid of what you might start saying and what you have to say will freak someone out. Guess what they have heard just about everything.

THIS...

The more snot and other ish that comes out...the more cathartic and whatever is bottled up will come out...get the help that you need; that's more important than anything else.