second thoughts

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I applied to our local community college nursing program this month and should hear in July. I keep playing mind games with myself as to whether I'll make it or not even if I do get in. If I don't get in, what happens to my identity. All these years of prerequisites, I considered myself to be a future nurse. What if it doesn't happen. I don't want to suffer a loss. I want to keep going. I don't want a rejection to damage my self worth. I haven't succeeded in any career thus far and I'm middle aged - I've tried many things. I have a bachelor's in a non-nursing field and have been fired from jobs numerous times. I don't want to feel like a loser, but what if I don't get in. I can't keep trying new things. This is it. I'm too old for this. My thoughts are racing and I don't know how to stop them. I keep obsessing on this acceptance/rejection thing and am glued to this forum. I don't want it to be the end of the world if I don't get in. I am married with an emptying nest. What then? no career - and no kids. (but a nice husband) - small consolation. I aspired to be a nurse because of interest and because I wanted to have something when the kids were gone, since I haven't yet found my niche. I feel impending disaster. This can't happen. Any suggestions as to how to survive failure and uncertainty?

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Hmmm... you've been fired from numerous jobs?? Why? If it's for absences/call-ins, then nursing isn't for you. If it's because you don't get along with bosses, or with coworkers, then nursing isn't for you. Even if you make it through school, and pass boards, you won't make it in the workplace.

If you are thinking nursing is a "last resort" career, I believe you have the wrong impression of nursing.

Most nursing jobs are physically and mentally demanding, require working shifts (night, day), and also many holidays and weekends.

Nursing school is also mentally (and sometimes physically) demanding, but seldom requires the shift and holiday/weekend work, although probably does require studying/readiing/writing on weekends, nights and holidays.

I would suggest you look into a less demanding career, since you're already having doubts.

Just my :twocents:

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If you've been fired from numerous jobs in the past, I really doubt you'll have much success in nursing

either. I think you need to address your anxiety and "racing thoughts" first.

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Is this your first time applying? Did you apply to any other programs? As I am sure you are well aware, it is very competitive out there for those trying to get into a nursing program. It took me three times applying to several programs. Rejection stinks! But if you truly feel this is what you want to do/are meant to do with your life - don't give up! Go out and get some experience by volunteering or working with a doctor, etc.

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Go for some serious counselling. Find out what drives you, what feeds your mind and soul. Get this done before you invest too much of yourself and your money.

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Specializes in critical care.

I agree-- it sounds like counseling is definitely in order. It's nerve-wracking when you hinge your entire self-concept on something that isn't even a reality yet. As hard as it may be, try to put nursing school out of your mind for a while and focus on other aspects of your life. If you do end up with a rejection, realize that it does not reflect your worth as a person. If you are accepted, you will need that "balance" in other areas of your life to make it through nursing school. Counseling can help you achieve balance while also bolstering your self-esteem. Best wishes!

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Your identity does not--and should not--depend on a job.

Loss is part of life. You go on anyway, doing the best you can.

Rejection,also, is part of life and may not have anything to do with you as a person. You go on anyway, doing the best you can.

If you don't get in, well, you do something else...doing the best you can.

You have more than many--a nice husband, by your own words. Focus on your blessings.

Are you bipolar, by chance?

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Posted too soon.

Racing thoughts and obsession with one idea and feeling that there is nothing else mean you probably really need the counseling others have suggested.

Please consider it. Best wishes, also.

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Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.

It sounds like you've experienced at least a few losses in your life. Now you're expecting an empty nest. That can be a huge frying-pan-in-the-face thing that takes a bit to get past. You can lose the self-identity of mom as you've defined it for years.. Now you're thinking if you don't get into nursing school, you will have lost that too; you will have lost your identity as future nurse. Correct?

You say you have a nice husband. Yay! That matters. Might this be a time when you can work to make your relationship with him better, whether you get into nursing school or not? What else is good in your life? What else can be made better, discovered newly, or re-discovered? Even if your children aren't in the nest soon, you'll still be mama, and while it will be different, you'll still have a place in their lives. What can you do to help yourself, and them ease into this new phase of family?

Most people work to live, not live to work or go to school. We work because it gives us a feeling of accomplishing something we think matters. We work to pay our bills, and that matters. We do our best to focus on our lives outside of work and school. If you can't do a type of work you think you want, think of other things you could do that give you the feeling you seek (positive self-identity, accomplishment, stability, financial okay-ness). Volunteering?

I feel for you, truly. I've been through the empty nest thing, and have also lost a few jobs. It isn't easy, but truly, you can reinvent yourself!

I also agree it could be helpful for you to get some counseling about all of this. That's what counselors are there for!

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

"My thoughts are racing and I don't know how to stop them. I keep obsessing..."

Have you mentioned this to your doctor? While we can't give medical advice, it seems that a few of us have picked up on some issues that might best be discussed with your doctor.Maybe you could schedule a check-up in the near future to discuss your racing thoughts and possibly obsessive thinking. A nursing student needs to have a clear head and coherent thoughts in order to be successful.

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Thank you all for your helpful responses. I do see a counselor and as a matter of fact, have an appointment with him in a few hours. I was not diagnosed as bipolar but depression has been in the picture. It is true that I should focus on other areas of my life. I am an advanced amateur violinist who plays with friends for fun and for jobs here and there. (weddings, funerals, nursing homes). It is a lot of fun. I have three great kids 21, 18 and 15. two girls and then a boy. I've been on this #$%%^ computer too often lately. When I finish this post, I have resolved not to go on it until tomorrow. too much. Sorry to sound like such a misfit. I will prevail.

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Specializes in Icu, Corrections, CICU.
:smokin::smokin:Nursing is a very exhausting both physically and mentally I have been a nurse for 14 years it is truly a calling not a last resort career. Nursing is a job where you have to be there on time all the time, you work holidays and weekends and weird shifts. And yes nursing is a good career however it should not be all about your whole identity. You have to find a balance in your personal and professional life if you don't burn out will happen on one or both sides.
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