Would you pray with a student?

[smudges.blips]

I have a 5th grade student who came to me last week that I ended up making a child abuse report on. Today, she came to me and informed me that her "safe" caregiver has been removed from the house and is currently hospitalized (unrelated) and is possibly in a coma.

She has mentioned her faith a number of times to me and what a comfort it is. I am also a Christian. I have told her that I am praying for her and for her situation, but believe that encouraging her spiritually as well as taking some private time to pray with her at school would be of help to her physically, spiritually, and emotionally. She has been missing quite a bit of class time due to her emotional state.

I know that this is not legal. But for my Christian nurses: Where does our requirement to follow worldly laws end and our commitment to our patient and to God begin? Would you or do you pray with your students if requested or encourage them spiritually when necessary?

[Farawyn]

I think religion is very personal and I would probably not pray with a student. Everyone fulfills their spirituality in a different way. I am pretty conscious of how I speak when people are having hard times. I always say "I will be thinking of you" but don't specify praying. When I have hard times, I accept with equal gratefulness being kept in peoples' thoughts or prayers.

For example, when my daughter broke her arm and had surgery, I kept this board updated and many nurses said they were thinking of us and probably more said they were praying for us. I appreciate both.

I wish good thoughts, or say you are in my mind, or heart. I'll offer my time. Or a cot. If a student wanted to pray I would be respectful and sit with them while they did.

Personally, if someone says they will pray for me, I know that is most likely the way they tell me they care, and I accept it as well, wholeheartedly.

But, I won't be praying for anyone. :)

[Farawyn]

Please allow me to insert my completely objective and emotionless point of view: I'm assuming you're a school RN. In your statement you say it's illegal. If that's in fact true and you know that to be the case, I'd stop there. However, as an RN you are licensed to communicate therapeutically so the conversation could be driven by your student/patient. If you believe that would protect you legally, do it. But what about charting to protect yourself? I'm assuming there is a chart of some sort on this young lady, given the circumstances. Could you cover yourself with a "student states, 'will you pray with me? so I bowed my head... Student felt more calm upon completion of prayer". Also, I would try to remove any of your own beliefs as much as possible. As with any nursing, it's not about our feelings, but the patient's needs. Just a suggestion.

Love.

[Farawyn]

Dear OldDude,

I am what most people would call an atheist in that I don't believe in God as a being ... but I am a spiritual person in my own way.

I want to compliment you on your post, which I can support in spite of being an atheist. I feel strongly that the staff of a public school should not "push" their particular religious beliefs onto a child -- and if someone at a school tried to push their religion onto my child, I would have them in court real fast. However, I see nothing wrong with your suggestion to create a safe space for a spiritual conversation, allowing the child to lead the conversation within that space.

Your approach is one that allows people of differing spiritual beliefs to work (and live) together peacefully -- and to even learn from each other. Thank you.

Yeah, he's a peach.

[Amethya]

If the student wants to with me, I will. I'm... not really super religious, I come from a Catholic family, which is christian-ish? I always respect others religious views and life, and if someone wants me to pray with them for any type of religious way, I will for them. Whether it's Muslim, Jewish, Christian, etc.

[lifelearningrn, BSN, RN]

If a student asked me to pray with him or her, I would do it in a heartbeat, regardless of my religious beliefs. I'm here for them!

[Munch]

As a stark atheist I would not pray for a student or with a student(or with a patient since I don't work in a school). Maybe its the area that I live in being very liberal or maybe in just biased but dont you think praying with a student could cause an uproar? I know when I was going to school if some of the parents heard a staff member was praying with students be it requested or not they would throw a fit. School is just not the type of place for worship unless of course its a religious school.

That being said telling the student you are praying for her I don't see anything wrong with. Like another poster said I take that to mean someone cares and is taking a moment out of their day to think of me. OP maybe you can tell her that you are going to have a moment of silence for her and during that silence you can tell her that she can do whatever she wants during that moments of silence..pray whatever. Then if you want to pray too you can..just don't tell her that's what you are doing.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

Telling the student what to do, believe or think about God is unacceptable.

Supporting the student as she participates in her own understanding is being a good nurse.

If "pray with" means being silent and respectful, bowing your head, folding hands as *the student* prays, that's okay and good.

If "pray with" means uttering the prayer out loud yourself that's not okay.

If "encouraging spiritually" means giving the student space to pray in your office then thats okay. You would need to do the same for a child outside your faith.

If encouraging spiritually means giving reading assignments, invitations to your church, etc then no.

We have to remember that we are in a position of authority. We can't use that position to further our own religious agenda.

[TruvyNurse]

Absolutely.

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

I assume you work in a public school. From what I understand, public schools can't favor one religion over another. Either all faiths are recognized or none are.

What if the student wasn't the same type of Christian as you? What if they weren't Christian? What kind of spiritual support would you offer a Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Atheist student?

If you wouldn't be willing to pray with a student of a different faith, it's not a good idea to pray with a student who shares your faith. It can easily turn into favoring your faith over someone else's. It's one thing to provide a safe space for a student to perform their own ritual of comfort, and another to participate.

I live in a liberal, largely Catholic area with a sizeable Muslim poulation. This kind of thing comes up in public schools fairly often.

[BSNbeauty, BSN, RN]

Most definitely , I would and have prayed for and with patients.

[Brenda F. Johnson, MSN]

Why are we afraid of prayer? This country was founded on a Christian religion. How can it be illegal to pray with a child who needs the comfort of an adult who understands and shares that practice? Why do we need to hide in a closet? There is freedom of religion. Other religions can pray in their manner to their god. They have that right, and so do we. Why are we so afraid to offend someone else.

That child is in great need, and I am glad there is at least one teacher willing to help. As a child who grew up in an abusive home, it only took one adult to recognize my need and reach out. I still remember them for the kind gentleness they showed me. They are why I was able to go on and have faith, in other people and my God. Thank you for reaching out to this child. Believe me, you have made a difference

[nehneh14]

As an atheist, I wouldn't have led a prayer, but I certainly would have shared a moment of reflection with her during which she could pray out loud or silently, and I would have offered her any other kind of appropriate support she needed. It's becoming more crucial than ever that we remain diligent about the separation of church and state, but as long as no one is proselytizing or mandating the acknowledgement of a higher power, providing a space/moment for your student to receive comfort on her terms is a kindness you can provide.