The following is an attachment sent to my clinical group
by our clinical instructor. I find it sadistic and horribly inappropriate to set this kind of example, almost enough to report it to the head of the department (the semester has been over for a while, but it has been eating away at me). Do you think that I am overreacting?
Warning: this may offend.
Thanks in advance.
, sans-serif]What your nurse is really thinking:
, sans-serif]1. Don't tell me you have abdominal pain as you eat doritos in my triage booth.
, sans-serif]2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask you is how you are getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you
, sans-serif]home, and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your family members at this hour. You had no problem bothering 911 for the back pain
, sans-serif]you've had for 3 months.
, sans-serif]3. You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate
, sans-serif]me and I will probably miss your IV on
, sans-serif]purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially to prove a point
, sans-serif]4. "Butterfly" is not an IV size, this word signals me to put in a larger bore needle.
, sans-serif]5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not in severe pain, are not vomiting or pooping
, sans-serif]your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting room.
, sans-serif]6. How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but be able to yell at me about the wait after you just put down a magazine you were reading?
, sans-serif]7. Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg of Dilaudid". Requesting your med and dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the med before I inject, then I lie about the dose.
, sans-serif]8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already assumed you are a drug seeker.
, sans-serif]9. If you came to the ER having a family doctor appointment that same day, I will make sure you are still in the department
, sans-serif]well past the time of
, sans-serif]your original appointment.
, sans-serif]10. I don't care if you are neighbors with the GI specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.
, sans-serif]11. Just because, "my doctor sent me here", does not mean you get right back to a treatment room. This tells me you are a pain in the ass, and
, sans-serif]he's pawning you off.
, sans-serif]12. The louder you moan/whine, the bigger size IV needle you get.
, sans-serif]13. Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure intoxicated persons.
, sans-serif]14. If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list. Don't say, "you know, the little white pill". I am not a pharmacist.
, sans-serif]15. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
, sans-serif]16. Don't ***** about missing breakfast when I'm on the ninth hour of my shift and haven't peed yet.
, sans-serif]17. What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat for a week while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for
, sans-serif]pneumonia?
, sans-serif]18. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape down there and kicking you out.
, sans-serif]19. I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in triage to be triggered when you say the word "toothache".
, sans-serif]20. Cover you mouth when you cough/belch. This is just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to bust butt in your room, then
, sans-serif]close the door.
, sans-serif]21. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a loser.
, sans-serif]22. If you list Haldol, geodon, Xanax, and trazadone as allergies, don't tell me you have no psych history.
, sans-serif]23. Never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed to write "penile sores" or "foul smelling discharge". This will **** me off
, sans-serif]that I bumped you ahead of other people and I'll make your visit horrific.
, sans-serif]24. Although you've been in the ER four times this week, you
, sans-serif]cannot list the ER doc as your family physician.
, sans-serif]25. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to your lungs.
, sans-serif]26. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your
, sans-serif]seven children are playing their own PSP's.
, sans-serif]27. Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a ****.
