RNs...how did you handle your first death ?

smstar1996 · Sep 28, 2008

LPN here, I worked in a hospital and LTC and have seen many people pass away. Strangly enough, I have never shed a tear in this case. No i'm not cold hearted, I feel sad for the family but just have never cried. On the flip side if I watch it on TV/movie I cry like a baby. It is perfectly fine to cry with or without the family when a pt dies, many do.

KdnRN2B · Sep 28, 2008

I have never shed a tear in this case. No i'm not cold hearted, I feel sad for the family but just have never cried. On the flip side if I watch it on TV/movie I cry like a baby.

LOL thats intresting but I guess after seeing so many deaths its nothing after a while

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

I'm a rather new nurse, but as a student and PCT I had countless pts die on me. I didn't shed a tear for any of them, except one. Most of them where older, many DNR's, and it was simple their time to go. There was one, I cried like a baby over. He was 23, and I had gotten very attached to him over the course of 9 months of care. It broke my heart watching him die of leukemia. IMO, it's one of the hardest parts of our jobs, watching our pts die and knowing their's nothing we can do to save them. Yet, I get comfort in knowing I helped make their passing as comfortable as possible, doing my best to honor their and the family's last wishes. I haven't had any pts died on me as a nurse, yet, but I know sooner or later it will happen. When it does, I'll be there to make their passing a painless and memorable one. :)

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

I've been around many dying patients as an aide and then as an LPN. My first comfort care patient as an RN, I was happy for the man that he was finally free. It was a beautiful death, and I felt privileged to have been present in his moment of passing.

KdnRN2B · Sep 28, 2008

There was one, I cried like a baby over. He was 23, and I had gotten very attached to him over the course of 9 months of care. It broke my heart watching him die of leukemia. :)

awww thats so sad, but I understand...these Patients are in a better place free from the pain

icyounurse, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

I was also somewhat afraid of this, because I remember being in school and crying like a baby while watching ER. But it never turned out to be an issue. Most of the deaths I have seen have been in an adult ICU setting, and almost all are advanced in age and have lead long lives and have been suffering with illness and honestly many times death can come as a relief in these cases. Its hard to explain, but for me(who is pretty emotional and cries watching movies all the time) its like I get into this professional mode at work and it doesn't get to me as much. Its like I know that these families need me to be sturdy and professional and supportive and the emotional switch in my brain just gets turned off without even trying. Do want to add that I have seen nurses cry with family when some passes and I consider it professional as well, it just rarely happens to me at work.

There is one time I remember getting in my car and crying on the way home, because we had this woman in her 40's who declined very quickly and was brain dead. Her husband came in every morning at 5am and was so pleasant and warm to the staff and so dedicated to her. He gave her almost a week and when he was convinced there was no way she was ever going to improve, he came in that morning and we had a long talk and we called the docs that am before I left to have arrangements made for her to be taken off life support. He said he loved her more than anything, and he loved her so much that he felt that it was selfish of him to keep her alive like she was and that she would not want to live that way and he was going to do what was right by her. And Oh man it just broke my heart. I was SO glad that the dayshift was the one that took her off and watched her pass, because in that case for whatever reason, I would not have been holding it together as well. I cried as soon as I got in my car to go home.It just hit a nerve. But its funny because I have seen some situations that are much worse, just this one always stuck with me.

Will say though that I dont know how I would react in pediatrics or in NICU or something..........adults can be hard enough:nurse:

ShayRN · Sep 28, 2008

As a Hospice nurse, I can tell you some are easier than others. I find the most difficult ones are the ones that are really young or really tormented. Most times, they have lived long and happy lives. But to watch someone who has been a mean and nasty person their whole life try to come to terms with the choices they made at end of life can be a form of hell on earth.

Spritenurse1210, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

Death is just another part of life. I have cared for many dieing patients as an aide and as a new nurse. My first death i ran out of the room crying because she was one of my favorite residents. Everyone reacts differently. Dont be ashamed and always know that its ok to cry.

squirtle · Sep 28, 2008

I am a new RN and haven't experienced it with my own pt, but as a tech I saw it happen too many times. I work in a critical setting so often it occurred with an older adult or someone who was so sick that their death brought a feeling of relief in knowing that they were no longer in pain and suffering. What was different for me was watching a child die in an acute situation during my peds rotation in nursing school. I cried and cried. I managed to pull myself together to finish the day, because I had other pts that needed me to be there for them, but as soon as I pulled in my driveway I was in tears once more.

vamedic4, EMT-P · Sep 28, 2008

My first pedi death came not too long after I started working..it was hard on me. I cried more for the patient, for the fact that they were denied a life, that they never had a chance.

Just the other day I cried for my patient who had passed at a football game - having fun with her friends.

We are all lucky that we can play a role in the lives of others, to try and make things just a little better, a little less lonely, a little less painful. Never forget that.

vamedic4

Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN · Sep 28, 2008

LOL thats intresting but I guess after seeing so many deaths its nothing after a while

Not at all. Just because you don't get emotional at the time doesn't mean that it's "nothing". Each patient is a person, and if they die, I don't cry, but I do respect their humanity and the pain that their family is going through. Admittedly, some stand out more than others and my first pedi code still gives me nightmares. The patient's death is not about the nurse. If you have the need to express emotion - and we all do in our own way - then you do it in a place where it is not inappropriate. (ie - crying harder than the patient's family so that they are in the awkward position of having to comfort you).

You'll learn how to find the balance that is right for you. I think that anticipating these things in advance and thinking about how you will react shows that you are already trying to shape your professional "persona". I think you are going to be great.

Blee