Relationships vs Gastic Bypass Surgery

rph3664 · May 19, 2008

I haven't experienced it personally, but I do know that it's not uncommon for a marriage to end, or at the very least be quite strained, when one person loses an enormous amount of weight. This also happens a lot when a person stops drinking or engaging in some other addictive behavior.

micco · May 19, 2008

unfortunately, it is common for people to end relationships after batriatic surgery. I work with a surgeon who does alot of the procedures and he has commented that it does happen. it is unfortunate for the person's family and love ones.

TazziRN, RN · May 19, 2008

The major reason for this is because one person changes and the other doesn't change with him/her. I don't mean lack of support. Change can mean habits, outlook on life, everything. It's similar to what happens when an addict gets sober, as mentioned above.

LeavingTeaching4RN · May 19, 2008

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. I have friends who had the bypass and ended their marriages, cut off all their hair, changed careers, moved across the country, completely changed. Losing a lot of weight is quite liberating. I googled gastric bypass and divorce. There were over 400,000 results. I wish you luck. Hopefully, in the end, you'll feel liberated as well.

bollweevil · May 19, 2008

Perhaps all is not lost. Is your spouse willing to get some counseling to learn why he is behaving like such a jerk? He needs to be reminded that, despite his post-op amnesia, he made certain promises to you - like loyalty forever.

One reader says above that you should change with him. I'm not sure how and would appreciate if she'd give some recommendations. It sounds like it's your fault that your spouse wants to leave and I think that's not the whole story. I can see where it could be part of it but what exactly should you be doing to change with him so he remembers that he made a commitment and that he is wanting to weasel out of it now.

In general, I think that people who divorce mates who have been loyal, faithful, and supportive are selfish and they need to wake up and remember that they took vows and made commitments before God and man. Certainly in this case there is evidence of selfishness and forgetting that a marriage is supposed to be for the lifetime of the couple.

I hope that the OP is seeking guidance from her religious leader and/or from a secular source and that the guidance is helping her. I hope she is not thinking it's all her fault because it is not. She's being rewarded for loyalty and supportiveness by him walking out on her and their kids, if any.

One consolation if reasoning fails - a lot of bypass patients gain a lot of the weight back.

rph3664 · May 19, 2008

Perhaps all is not lost. Is your spouse willing to get some counseling to learn why he is behaving like such a jerk? He needs to be reminded that, despite his post-op amnesia, he made certain promises to you - like loyalty forever.
One reader says above that you should change with him. I'm not sure how and would appreciate if she'd give some recommendations. It sounds like it's your fault that your spouse wants to leave and I think that's not the whole story. I can see where it could be part of it but what exactly should you be doing to change with him so he remembers that he made a commitment and that he is wanting to weasel out of it now.
In general, I think that people who divorce mates who have been loyal, faithful, and supportive are selfish and they need to wake up and remember that they took vows and made commitments before God and man. Certainly in this case there is evidence of selfishness and forgetting that a marriage is supposed to be for the lifetime of the couple.
I hope that the OP is seeking guidance from her religious leader and/or from a secular source and that the guidance is helping her. I hope she is not thinking it's all her fault because it is not. She's being rewarded for loyalty and supportiveness by him walking out on her and their kids, if any.
One consolation if reasoning fails - a lot of bypass patients gain a lot of the weight back.

BW, keep in mind that you're only getting one side of this, and only the surface. Plus, she said he mentioned to her SIX MONTHS AGO that he wasn't happy and wanted out.

A psychiatric evaluation is required before bariatric surgery, and this is the most common reason why people are rejected for the procedure.

I'm curious about something: Would you be as critical of a woman who underwent BS, lost a lot of weight, and left her husband who was supportive of her decision?

BlueRidgeHomeRN · May 19, 2008

i'm curious about something: would you be as critical of a woman who underwent bs, lost a lot of weight, and left her husband who was supportive of her decision?

i certainly would--those marriage vows work two ways! :nono:

from what i've seen, its sometimes a case of the newly swelte spouse thinking "now that i look so good, maybe i can do better than him/her".:trout:

Lexxie, LPN · May 19, 2008

Maybe the supporting spouse is insecure about their partner losing weight (not saying that the OP is/was). I've seen people harrass their "newly svelte" spouse to the point of driving them away. If he/she thinks I'm going to run off....

rph3664 · May 19, 2008

i certainly would--those marriage vows work two ways!
from what i've seen, its sometimes a case of the newly swelte spouse thinking "now that i look so good, maybe i can do better than him/her".:trout:

maybe things are different where you are, but i've observed a double standard regarding a spouse leaving, when the separation wasn't a mutual decision. if a man leaves, he's a jerk. case closed. if a woman leaves, she's asserting her independence and protecting herself and her children if she has them.

sometimes the other spouse is afraid that the newly svelte spouse will have affairs, and becomes insanely jealous, and it's not unusual for people who have undergone bs to develop other addictive behaviors - gambling, shopping, drug use, etc. and sometimes weight loss can make a person more confident and assertive, and when someone is accustomed to a compliant, submissive partner, this can cause a lot of problems.

diva_nurse · May 19, 2008

BW, keep in mind that you're only getting one side of this, and only the surface. Plus, she said he mentioned to her SIX MONTHS AGO that he wasn't happy and wanted out.
A psychiatric evaluation is required before bariatric surgery, and this is the most common reason why people are rejected for the procedure.
I'm curious about something: Would you be as critical of a woman who underwent BS, lost a lot of weight, and left her husband who was supportive of her decision?

OK my spouse and I have had our problems but we have always managed to work it out. We have been together for 14 years, married for 11 years, no children. I was completely blind sided by this. I sought counseling initially to help me deal with this. We went together once but he mentioned that he has felt like this from the beginning:scrying: I think the sx gave him to motivation to leave and I guess pursue the life he wanted. I think the only change I need to make is to fall back in love with me!

Thanks to all that replied

Silverdragon102, BSN · May 19, 2008

I had gastric bypass and someone in the family commented that I would leave him one I lost the weight. I haven't and have lost 100lbs. I personally do not feel Ihave changed although others have commented they saw a change in me. Some people do change once they loose weight but I sometimes feel there is something else in the relationship if after years one decides to leave. I have also seen the other side there one spouse has left because they didn't like the fact the other half lost the weight, wanted them to stay obese and reliant. Not saying this is happening in this case