relationship on the rocks due to NS

[tbjockny]

My BF and I have been together for 2 years. Weathered some things..a miscarriage, temporary loss of a job due to an injury, a death of a family member.

We love each other, plain and simple. He always knew I wanted to attend NS, but now that I've been accepted, has cold feet about it because from May-Nov it would be long distance due to his primary job moving him back and forth.

when he's up north, he works 2 jobs 6 days a week, so we only saw each other Mondays and in the evenings after 6:30pm. When he is down south, he is off by 12pm everyday.

I'm so frustrated right now; he went from encouraging me to take the entrance exams and telling me he would be there, to telling me he hoped I would get rejected so I wouldn't have to stay.

It is 6 months, for 2 years. 6 measly months, out of the supposed rest of our lives that he wants to spend with me.

I'm angry he doesn't understand that I know exactly what I want, which is him and the chance to improve my career (or rather lack of).

He says he wants me with him. That we wouldn't work if we were apart. He was with the previous girl for 4yrs, while she was in CANADA for 8 months of every year..they ended b/c she cheated.

I tell him I'm not her, and he claims that isn't it. He just doesn't want to be apart.

[windsurfer8, BSN, RN]

There are about 8 billion people on the planet. If it doesn't work out with this dude there are billions more to choose from. Telling you he wants you to get rejected from nursing school is self absorbed statement. Think about it...HE wants what he wants..not what you want. What does that tell you? He is basically saying "I don't care what you want to do..what I want is what matters". A healthy relationship looks at the big picture as well as supporting partners to achieve their goals. Example would be a dad who wants a sports car, but he understands a SUV may be better for the family..so he puts aside his personal want for the good of the group.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

Part of being in a loving relationship is not only allowing your partner the chance to better oneself, but encouraging them and enabling them to succeed. Your boyfriend is thinking of no one but himself. In short order, that will be detrimental to your relationship.

I could tell you a lot of stories from my personal life about men who did to me what your boyfriend is pulling on you; whether it was nursing school or the Army, they couldn't bear the thought of me achieving my goals if that meant they weren't glued to my side through the entire process. On the flip side, I could also tell you about the 2+ years that my husband and I met, dated, married and lost a child while I was on active duty and we were living states apart.

Before this gets too long, I've seen the situation you're in and I've seen (and now live in) its polar opposite. In the sum of a lifetime together, nursing school is a drop in the bucket. And while it'll suck for the time being, if he really loves you, he will not only let you go tackle your goals, but he'll encourage you to succeed. But if he continues on this "I can't do this with us apart" streak, you're better off without him.

If that isn't enough to think about, consider this: do you really think that nursing school will be the toughest obstacle you face together?

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

He is being very selfish. He isn't even giving this a chance to work. This is what would be better for the both of you down the road.

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. We recently got engaged. We live over an hour apart from each other. I have a child and I'm in nursing school. There have been times we have gone two weeks without seeing each other. As it is now, we see each other on the weekends only pretty much. If I'm in a tough spot he will come up here and help me out, but he has been 100% supportive of me the entire time.

It's not easy because we miss each other like crazy. We also had a miscarriage last year. But now, it's all falling into place. I graduate in May, I have a job that will lead into a RN position when I pass boards, and we are in the process of buying a house. It's finally happening.

Your boyfriend needs to look at the big picture. You will resent him after on down the road if you don't go to school. There are a ton of other men that would support you. You don't need one who is too insecure to.

[WanderingWilder, ASN]

I'm confused why it's nursing school that is the problem and not his job. It sounds like whether you are in school or not you two barely see each other 6 months of the year. Unless I'm misreading your post. Also unless you are taking courses in the summer you would not be in school from the middle of May to the end of August anyway.

[NurseEmmy]

Sounds like he needs to grow up. It's not like you're going to school for 6+ years. If anything it seems like his work schedule is what eats up your time together.

I'd stick with school. Either you two make it as a couple or you don't. At the end of the day at least you'll have an education.

[Honey Clover]

He's deflecting his insecurities onto you. Not good. You are right, you're not his ex but because he continues to be afraid of what might happen due to his past, this will blow up eventually. You're trying to establish a career for yourself. Nursing school has no time for drama from relationships tbh. If it was me, I'd walk if my guy stops supporting my goals and starts acting like his immediate needs are more important than my long term goals. And to say he hopes you're rejected from the school?? That is disrespectful and a no brainer there to start walking. Btw I do have a significant other and we are two hours apart. We only see each other one time a month because of school and work but we are committed to making this work despite the distance and our hectic lives. It's not ideal situation right now and we both hate it but we know that you have to make do with the best you got so that one day, we'll have a better life with each other.