"That nurse is vile" (long)

[PintheD]

I have resisted posting about this for a few months now. I keep hoping the pain will subside but nothing is shifting.

I had a patient complain about me. Can't, or won't, give details due to potential HIPPA violation. Let it suffice to say this was a patient well known to the hospital. A wise employee n was sure to have another employee in the room for every encounter, and I did.

I returned from lunch to find out that the patient had called patient relations, who called the unit manager. I was removed from the patient's care with no explanation as to what had been said. As I'm giving report to the nurse taking over the patient the nurse tells me " (the patient) called you vile" (definition - morally bad, wicked).

I work for a system wide pool so my manager is off site. I called her Monday morning (incident occurred Friday 7a-7p shift) to tell her briefly what had happened and to give her a heads up that I was sending a very detailed email and would appreciate her feedback after she read it. Left her a message Tuesday morning since I hadn't heard from her. Emailed her Thursday asking her to call. She finally called Friday morning on my hospital issue phone while I was back at work on that same unit. She vilified me! Told me "very serious accusations were made about you" but wouldn't tell me what they were. She cited things contrary to the very detailed email I had sent her. Repeatedly. I wasn't written up or placed in any sort of corrective action, just "counseled" which went like this "the next time you discharge a patient ask them 'is there anything I can do to facilitate your discharge'" (yes, the above mentioned patient was scheduled to be discharged).

This manager is a person whom I had worked for a year. I found her to be a straight shooter, professional and fair. She didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear but she was always respectful. I felt she had my back. It's difficult to go from hospital to hospital, floor to floor, and down right impossible if you have no support for when the crap gets stirred (because we all know that it can and does). I feel betrayed, shamed and fearful for my job. I was cancelled 6 out of the next 10 shifts immediately after this. The entire year prior I had been cancelled maybe 3 times.

Looking for insight from wise peers. Yes, I know, look for another job. I have been and will continue to do so. I have no doubt about the necessity of that plan of action. My problem is that I am demoralized by this. Thought I had thicker skin but this has wrecked me. To be called "vile", among other things that I don't know, and to have that accusation supported by someone I respected is too much. Advice please and please be gentle. This is a very open wound.

Thanks for reading.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

The patient is the one who is sick... always remember that. :hug:

It stinks that your manager isn't helping you to at least know what the complaint was- kinda hard to either defend yourself of make changes. And, no- managers don't have your back- they've got their knickers twisted by Press-Ganey. They run healthcare- and leave the inmates in charge of the asylum.

If this is the only complaint against you- consider the source. A jerk isn't worth losing sleep over- no matter how much it hurts

[Anisettes, BSN, RN]

Hang in there. I know it doesn't feel like it, but the truth is that nothing, nothing that another person thinks, feels, does, or says is about you - it's about *them*, where they've been, how they cope, what they believe, etc...

Whoever this patient is, s/he acted out and dumped a load on you. And the truth is, not you nor I have any control over it - not this time, not the next time. All we can do is realize it's not about us and let it go.

Believe me, I know it's not easy. I had some hard times in the early years, but you can do it and you can learn to not let it get you down. As long as you know in your heart you're in the right and you did the right thing by that patient, that's all that matters. You know and the people who know you will know - and the people who don't believe you? You can't change them either. Hang in there.

[OCNRN63, RN]

For your own peace of mind, I would ask for a sit-down with this manager and discuss your concerns. If she refuses to talk to you, then you can at least know that you did all you could to try to rectify the situation. If she won't talk to you, don't take it personally; it's not about you, it's about them. Shake the dust off your feet and move on to another position.

Try not to let the opinion of one patient (who sounds like she has "issues") get inside your head. You're a good nurse, and you know it. Practice saying it in front of a mirror if you must. You've got to get control of this if you need to interview for another position, or you are not going to come across as the confident practitioner you are.

[vashtee, RN]

I had a patient "fire" me before. I felt awful until the doctor asked me how I did it so he could be fired, too.

Sometimes people are just irrational jerks.

[WillowNMe]

:hug:

[Blackheartednurse]

You need to grow a thicker skin for real! I had patients complaining about me before, my boss complained about my paperwork, my supervisor complained about my attitude (yes I wont take bull crap from no one) I had patient exclusively requesting for me (because I'm his/her favorite nurse) just to later be told "I'm tired of nurses dont come in or I call the police!" I had patient going off on me for no reason, I often call it a love and hate relationship, I really think that there is a thin line between love and hate when it comes to nurse-patient relationship, we are stuck in the middle and often have to endure verbal offenses and sometimes even physical threats, I really think you are taking this way too hard, if I had a nickle for every time patient said something rude I would be a very rich nurse!

[thehipcrip]

For your own peace of mind, I would ask for a sit-down with this manager and discuss your concerns.

If this had happened recently, this is definitely good advice.

But since the OP said she's resisted posting about this for months, re-opening the matter with her manager by requesting a sit-down this long after the fact is a really bad idea.

OP -- if the accusations were really that serious, you'd have been written up or worse. Listen to your peers' wise words, take a deep breath, and find a way to let it go.

[Guttercat, ASN, RN]

They would not disclose what the exact accusations were??? Surely you must have some idea?

Whatever the accusations, with what you've described, a nice letter or phone call with apologies was made to the patient, and they were told "we've since counseled the nurse in question."

I'm really sorry you got caught up in this, especially that you were swept under the carpet without hearing what the exact complaint was. That makes no sense to me.

Fwiw, I don't think I've ever met a "vile" nurse. My guess is odds are you are not one.

[PintheD]

You need to grow a thicker skin for real! I had patients complaining about me before, my boss complained about my paperwork, my supervisor complained about my attitude (yes I wont take bull crap from no one) I had patient exclusively requesting for me (because I'm his/her favorite nurse) just to later be told "I'm tired of nurses dont come in or I call the police!" I had patient going off on me for no reason, I often call it a love and hate relationship, I really think that there is a thin line between love and hate when it comes to nurse-patient relationship, we are stuck in the middle and often have to endure verbal offenses and sometimes even physical threats, I really think you are taking this way too hard, if I had a nickle for every time patient said something rude I would be a very rich nurse!

Yes, verbal offenses from patients are not a rarity unfortunately. I worked agency in Detroit and NYC for years and couldn't have done that if I didn't have a thick skin. The problem here is that my manager supported these unfounded accusations. If she had complained about my paperwork or even my attitude my response would be vastly different. She supported a patients accusations of me, the only one I know specifically is that of being called "vile". That's an assault of my character. It's wrong. It's unjust. All a person really has is their reputation - someone wise said that....

Truth be told I believe a lot of what I'm feeling is anger.

This is good. Thanks for your post, sincerely. In explaining myself to you I gained more clarity as to why I'm feeling so raw over this.

[PintheD]

If this had happened recently, this is definitely good advice.

But since the OP said she's resisted posting about this for months, re-opening the matter with her manager by requesting a sit-down this long after the fact is a really bad idea.

OP -- if the accusations were really that serious, you'd have been written up or worse. Listen to your peers' wise words, take a deep breath, and find a way to let it go.

Yes, hipcrip, good advice but you are correct, I think that window of opportunity is now closed for a sit down. Besides, I don't have a poker face and I believe my expression and body language would work against me here.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

Your manager won't tell you what the problem was, but you were counselled to never ever do it again. Sheesh. Ask to look at your HR file, there might be something in there. I'd recommend transferring to get a sane manager, but they don't seem to exist. If you like your job stay with it, but know that you can no longer rely on your boss and her judgement.