"Sharing Humour"

Buckeye.nurse · Apr 9, 2018

My husband and I had issues with infertility. On our first consultation meeting with the specialist, he pulled up my pelvic ultrasound. There was a big arrow the radiologist had used to point to an issue. The doctor said. "We just need to get the arrow out of you and maybe things will improve!" It helped break the ice a little, and then we went on to talk about the actual issue.

Davey Do · Apr 9, 2018

So have there been times when you've been the patient, and you felt better because a pro used humour?

Oh! I just remembered another one that is more fitting, for it occurred with a much more traumatic time:

Back in 1976, when I was 19 years old, I was unconscious in the ER after having been hit head-on by a pickup truck while riding a motorcycle. I had sustained a closed head injury, multiple open and closed fractures, internal injuries, etc.

The ERP was a surgeon who had to tell my parents and family, that due to the extent of my injuries, his recommendation was that I should be transferred to St. Louis.

After all the information was exchanged, my Mom happened to mentioned to the surgeon that he had done an appy on me seven years before.

"Hmm", he replied, "When I saw the scar, I thought I recognized my handiwork!"

Mom told me this story, with a smile, sometime several weeks later when I had resumed consciousness.

Davey Do · Apr 9, 2018

So have there been times when you've been the patient, and you felt better because a pro used humour?

You've received a couple of instances where humor was used in medical situations, Dinatg, but I sense your question to be challenging. A challenge is a question better used in a debate, where each side argues for their premise, whereas a discussion is an exchange of information, viewpoints, and ideas.

I say this because I sense some negatives feelings are being held on to; resentments are being felt.

After my motorcycle accident previously mentioned, I felt bitter resentment toward the intoxicated driver of the pickup truck that hit me on my motorcycle. When I returned to community college, I discussed my feelings with one of my instructors. She said, "You need to deal with this anger you feel or it will eat you up like a cancer".

Her words set me to thinking, for all the responses I had received from everybody else was, basically, understanding and supportive of my negative feelings.

My beloved instructor suggested that I go through counselling, which, sometime later, I did. I sought services from the pastor of my girlfriend's church, who was also a clinical psychologist.

Long story short, I learned to forgive the man who nearly killed me and exhibited no remorse for his actions.

Forgiveness feels better than bitterness, Dinatg.

The very best to you.

Dinatg · Jul 4, 2018

Ju I use humor quite often, but I am pretty good at knowing who is going to be receptive.
Distancing? Nah. Putting a scared child or nervous adult at a little bit of ease is what I am doing. If I can make a joke, it must not be as bad as they thought?

Yeah, if you can laugh at a patient's problems, then they must not be serious.

Dinatg · Jul 4, 2018

Forgiveness feels better than bitterness, Dinatg.

Forgiving someone who isn't actually sorry just sets you up for more abuse.

Davey Do · Jul 4, 2018

Forgiving someone who isn't actually sorry just sets you up for more abuse.

Unsolicited forgiveness, or "forgiving someone who isn't really sorry" frees us from the burden of prolonged pain felt from resentment and other negative feelings, Dinatg.

Forgiveness feels better than bitterness....

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brownbook · Jul 4, 2018

Yeah, if you can laugh at a patient's problems, then they must not be serious.

I have joked with patients dying of cancer. For anyone to comprehend or explain why laughing at death can be a good thing would take a 20 volume encyclopedia. Or simply someone with common sense and a sense of humor.

No it does not mean their problem is not serious!

brownbook · Jul 4, 2018

Forgiving someone who isn't actually sorry just sets you up for more abuse.

Ideally they admit the we're wrong and ask forgiveness.

If for whatever reason they are not going to do that you forgive them and move on with your life. Hopefully a life they are not a part of. Or you can spend your life filled with hate, anger, and pain. You choose.

Orion81RN · Jul 4, 2018

So have there been times when you've been the patient, and you felt better because a pro used humour?

Absolutely. All the time. However, it definitely would depend on the situation they are using humor with. My doctor can crack a joke about my ability to pop 30 mg Xanax and just have a relaxing evening, whereas that would land everyone else in the hospital. I can laugh at that. Neither of us find that fact funny, but it's humorous in the context of the joke.

Try and joke about my ability to eat an entire pizza by myself, and I am not laughing with you.

You will absolutely find yourself using humor. But you know what it feels like to have it happen innapropriately. So hopefully you will be more cognizant.

I have dark humor for sure. I could have a non-compliant diabetic come into rehab s/p BKA, and at discharge smile, wave and say, "See you at your next amputation, Betty!" Of course I don't want that to happen, and if I allowed myself to think about it, especially hitting close to home, I'd be in tears. Often times, so would the patient.

Orion81RN · Jul 4, 2018

I haven't been a patient much in my lifetime, but I am the mother of a special-needs child and interact a lot with doctors, nurses, hospitals, EMS and just about everyone else.
Humor helps my son and the family deal with the unpredictable nature of chronic illness.
Over the course of the last 14 years, I can't remember any kind of humor used by them. The providers played pretty straight. Everyone has their own style, and I have just never been upset with anyone. My son and I are the kinds of people who just don't get upset easily either.

This reminds me of something I do with my private duty pediatric patient. She's at the end of life and I do anything I can to make this girl laugh. A year ago she developed a palsy to her face after catching a cold. It affected her nervous system pretty badly. She aspirates on everything. For quite a while she was too scared to eat. She was on tube feeding for months.

She gradually started to eat again, but at the first cough would get scared to continue. I myself have aspiration issues. (I still need to go get my barium swallow done to figure out why.) Anyway, we started laughing about it. I feed her. When she coughs, I tease her saying, oh NO! You're making me cough now!" I make coughing noices with my mouth closed and she laughs and laughs. I say, "It's ok, we can cough together."

She continues eating. Plus the laugh helps bring up food particles. She has a weak cough, but make her laugh and that food flies right on out.

Kitiger, RN · Jul 5, 2018

Forgiving someone who isn't actually sorry just sets you up for more abuse.

Check out this website. It explains what forgiveness is ... and what it isn't.

Forgiving does not mean that you will let the person continue to abuse you.

Forgiveness and Restoration | Focus on the Family

Davey Do · Jul 5, 2018

Richard Bach wrote "You teach best what you most need to learn".

In other words, Dinatg, forgiveness does not come easy to me. I sense a kind of kindredship with you on this forgiveness thing.

It feels much more natural to me to hold feelings of self-righteous resentment toward those who I believe have done me wrong than to be a person of higher consciousness and forgive the worthless pieces of crap who are just taking up good air.

But I am not at peace with myself if I go down that path. And being at peace with myself, not allowing my happiness to depend on what others do or say or what happens around me, is true happiness.

So, in essence, Dinatg, you are assisting me on my road to happiness and a higher consciousness by reminding me of Mr. Bach's truism and what I need to both teach and learn!

I thank you for that.