"Pre-requisite" of being a labor and delivery nurse/midwife-being a mom?

Baubo516, RN · Jan 20, 2015

So glad to read this, as I want to work with babies one day, but may never be able to have them.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Jan 20, 2015

My nursing school OB professor (author of a widely-used textbook as well as clinical instructor at the time) never had children. She had all kinds of OB experience and was wonderful both at the bedside and in the classroom.

Mr Midwife, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2015

Well given that I can't have children but have had a very sucessful career in Maternity I'm firmly in the no camp.

Also I think that being personally removed from the experience of child birth can make you more objective and more willing to listen to what the mother wants rather than play along you own ideas.

queenanneslace, ADN, MSN, APRN, CNM · Feb 8, 2015

Women will ask me if I have children - I generally do not offer this information to laboring patients - because I don't believe the conversation should be about *me*. Whether or not I have children really shouldn't matter. (BTW, I do have children).

I think what women want (or any patient, really) is compassion and understanding and respect.

I experienced birth in a way that other women will not - everyone's birth is different. I try to respect their wishes and respond to their experiences with compassion. I've never had a c-section to give birth - does that mean I cannot be a compassionate, empathetic nurse when a woman is having a c-section? I never had a preterm birth with a baby requiring extensive NICU care - does that mean I can't provide effective, compassionate care to that mother? I've never had pre-eclampsia, IUGR, placenta previa.... you get the picture.

I think the biggest thing it to let go of any agenda. Nurses with and without their own children can have their own agendas about how labor and birth should happen. Every patient is different - and every labor and birth is different. I can't assume that a patient is going to want something in a certain way - or progress through labor in a certain way based on my own beliefs and experiences. I need to respond to each situation individually.

For those reasons, I don't think it's necessary at all to be a mother to work in L&D.

Seas · May 27, 2015

One of my pet peeves in nursing is trying to sell your personal experience that has nothing to do with nurse experience as a valuable "nursing experience". I find this pretty immature. Come on. Study some interview tips instead. (This post is not pointed to anyone)

If I was the employer, a person who thinks she/he is above the other candidates because of being that type of a patient would already receive their first negative point.

A few weeks ago, I was completing my preceptorship for my grad school with a nurse manager in mother/baby unit. The manager had a deck of letters from employees wanting to be nominated for an important lactation certificate. Somebody really pointed out why she should be chosen, because she breastfed her kids, and she knows and feels better about it etc. I was asked my opinion. So I told her all my thoughts about how unprofessional but a personal letter that was. Apparently, I wasn't the only one thinking she was just trying to sell her personal story as a huge plus compared to other nurses with no breastfed kids. Hence, she wasn't picked.

brownbook · May 27, 2015

Geeze.....many years ago it would have been really hard to find a female obstetrician....I don't think those "male" Dr's had anyone question their ability to connect with their patient. Same for a L&D nurse.

brownbook · May 27, 2015

PS....I loved being pregnant, felt healthy at the proverbial horse, and my two deliveries were great....I used Lamaze and don't recall much pain at all.

I quietly roll my eyes when I hear women talk about how they hate being pregnant, or joke that men who complain of pain couldn't handle having a baby.

However I have enough common sense and insight to know that when a women tells me she felt sick the whole time she was pregnant or that her contractions and delivery were horrible I believe her and can "connect" and give her good care.

figureskating · May 27, 2015

No I don't think so! I've had four kids in the hospital and some of the sweetest nurses there did not have children. As long as my nurse does her best and is compassionate and treats me with respect she does not have to have kids. My doctor's nurse in the office is also very young, and doesn't have kids to my knowledge, and to be honest I feel like I can relate to her more than my last doctor's nurse who did have children.

figureskating · May 27, 2015

I liked being pregnant too except til the end. My last held on til 40 weeks plus 1 and I could barely get around! She was an ounce away from being ten pounds at birth.

figureskating · May 27, 2015

Women will ask me if I have children - I generally do not offer this information to laboring patients - because I don't believe the conversation should be about *me*. Whether or not I have children really shouldn't matter. (BTW, I do have children).
I think what women want (or any patient, really) is compassion and understanding and respect.
I experienced birth in a way that other women will not - everyone's birth is different. I try to respect their wishes and respond to their experiences with compassion. I've never had a c-section to give birth - does that mean I cannot be a compassionate, empathetic nurse when a woman is having a c-section? I never had a preterm birth with a baby requiring extensive NICU care - does that mean I can't provide effective, compassionate care to that mother? I've never had pre-eclampsia, IUGR, placenta previa.... you get the picture.
I think the biggest thing it to let go of any agenda. Nurses with and without their own children can have their own agendas about how labor and birth should happen. Every patient is different - and every labor and birth is different. I can't assume that a patient is going to want something in a certain way - or progress through labor in a certain way based on my own beliefs and experiences. I need to respond to each situation individually.
For those reasons, I don't think it's necessary at all to be a mother to work in L&D.

I've had four kids. The last I had about 3 months ago. I totally agree. It didn't matter to me whether my nurses had children. I just wanted compassion and respect. Kindness is what matters and doing your best at your job.

figureskating · May 28, 2015

So glad to read this, as I want to work with babies one day, but may never be able to have them.
If that is what you want to do then you should go for it. There's no reason why you can't be a great maternity or pediatric nurse.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · May 28, 2015

I just came back to this thread because I got a "like," and was looking at what I wrote. Anyway, I remembered from my first labor, I was dead set on going all natural. My RN said something like, "I had my first two all natural, but I got an epidural with my 3rd. I realized I didn't get a medal for suffering." I thought at the time, "I don't care. This isn't about you."

Getting back to my point about our job not being relatable and sympathetic. This nurse made an interaction about her. Even if she'd said, "I knoooow how you feel because I've been through it. I knooooow how it feeeeeeels. I watched 'The Business of Being Born' when I was pregnant too, and didn't want to be robbed of that expeeerience. Oh honey, I know just how those surges feeeel though, because I had three babies myself..." .............. It's still not about her.

Any student past the first assessment lesson, who has even half an eye and half an ear, can see that the woman is in pain. Any RN would then do a proper pain assessment and then find out what the patient's wishes are. If the woman doesn't want meds, she then explores non-pharm options. That's basic nursing; it doesn't require the passage of baby-through-lady parts to be able to do it.