"Bless Your Heart"

[Ruby Vee]

That's a phrase that I'm sure is meant well (most of the time), but for some reason it just grates on my nerves. Most of the time, it strikes me as condescending. It's like the quintessential Southernism Bless your heart,” which I'm coming to learn means nothing of the sort. (According to my late sister-in-law, bless your heart” means You're behaving like a Yankee — synonymous with ‘Troll' — and you have no idea that we're all laughing at you behind your back.” This is the same sister-in-law who referred to me, until her dying day as That dam Yankee my brother brought home.”

Somehow, Have a Blessed Day” just strikes me in the same way — as sarcastic, condescending and insincere. Every time I see a post ending that way, it makes me reassess the content and is sure to get my dander up. I know I'm not the only one who sees it that way. So I'm wondering, how do the majority of AN members see/use the expression?

[RainMom]

I am a Christian and "Have a Blessed" day makes me so mad I have to repent.

I've lived in the same rural area of the midwest my whole life & grew up as a preacher's kid. However, I do not recall ever hearing "Have a blessed day" from anyone, anywhere, in any circumstance. Suddenly the past few yrs, it seems to be the "in" thing or catch phrase that people around here think they should say.

[ComeTogether, LPN]

I don't want my day to be blessed. I agree, it sounds condescending to me. Like I'm some heathen who needs my day "blessed" by Christians. That said, I live in New England and this is not a phrase I hear often, or ever.

I'm from New England, but have lived in SC for 7 years. At first, I was kind of weird-ed out hearing it, almost like the person had to be mocking me, somehow. (Do they KNOW I'm living in sin, or something?!?) Now that I've been here awhile, though, I realize it's just a friendly, loving way for people to tell you to have a good day.

The other thing that has taken A LOT of getting used to is hearing people call me Ma'am. Here, it's a sign of respect, but I still hate hearing it. I've also learned to say it, along with y'all.

I sound pretty funny saying "Where did y'all pahk the cah"? ;-)

[AppalachianSoul]

I say, "bless your heart," "have a blessed day," sometimes and also "bless you," when someone sneezes ... Being in the south, It's just the way I was raised and the type of language I'm accustomed to. I think anyone offended by it is just over reacting. If you don't like that kind of talk I would just carry on and ignore it, really. As for the people who wonder why we can't just express a more general "have a nice day," to accommodate those who thinks the word "blessed" is condescending, I think that's a little overboard. It's like Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays in that, who really cares? If someone is nice enough to tell me to have a nice day or a blessed day, then that's a good thing.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

I say, "bless your heart," "have a blessed day," sometimes and also "bless you," when someone sneezes ... Being in the south, It's just the way I was raised and the type of language I'm accustomed to. I think anyone offended by it is just over reacting. If you don't like that kind of talk I would just carry on and ignore it, really. As for the people who wonder why we can't just express a more general "have a nice day," to accommodate those who thinks the word "blessed" is condescending, I think that's a little overboard. It's like Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays in that, who really cares? If someone is nice enough to tell me to have a nice day or a blessed day, then that's a good thing.

This!!!

I think it is a nice touch to say "have a blessed day", or if I told a heartfelt story and someone says, aww, I am sorry "bless your heart". It is a nice touch.

ANYTHING can be construed as one way or another. I could say "hello" to someone and it may be interpreted as are you there, not just a friendly greeting.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

I'm from New England, but have lived in SC for 7 years. At first, I was kind of weird-ed out hearing it, almost like the person had to be mocking me, somehow. (Do they KNOW I'm living in sin, or something?!?) Now that I've been here awhile, though, I realize it's just a friendly, loving way for people to tell you to have a good day.

The other thing that has taken A LOT of getting used to is hearing people call me Ma'am. Here, it's a sign of respect, but I still hate hearing it. I've also learned to say it, along with y'all.

I sound pretty funny saying "Where did y'all pahk the cah"? ;-)

"The cah's ovah by the gahbage cans."

Fellow N.E.'er here, now in NC. I almost cried the first time I was called "ma'am"......I thought, "but I'm not old enough to be a "ma'am"!!!!! But I had to get over it, because now I AM 'old enough'; I'm much more graceful about it now. I used to say, half-joking-but-not, "I'm not a 'ma'am! I'm me. I'm Stars; and not Miz or Miss or Missus Stars! Just Stars!" It kind of took people aback, but usually they'd laugh.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

"Bless your heart" just makes me giggle as it usually means "you're a flaming fool." Unless of course it is delivered by my super religious , traveled the world spreading the word of God missionary resident. In that case it is meant very seriously. "Have a blessed day" on the other hand for some reason does grate on my nerves a bit, unless it is coming from a minister in which case it should be taken at face value.

But I am in the snow belt, so it's not often heard around here unless it is being used sarcastically or condescendingly. I would imagine if I lived in the southern part of the country where these phrases are more commonly used it wouldn't bother me at all.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I think the reason "have a blessed (bless-ed) day" grates on me is only because it seems grammatically challenged. Kind of like fingernails on a chalkboard . . .

Maybe "I hope your day is blessed with . . . " whatever the person is needing at the moment.

What a boring world we would live in if we had only sterile and mundane language.

[eroc]

LOL, your funny Ruby Vee.

I grew up in the South and know exactly what it means. It is huge insult and very condescending. Generally it is stated by people with years of "experience" thinking age and time is the sole factor of knowledge and wisdom so it can be heard mostly from people over 60. It's a small town mentality type of thinking from the culture I grew up in. Never heard a impressive thinker use that phrase in a face-to-face interaction amoung friends.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

"Bless your heart" just makes me giggle as it usually means "you're a flaming fool." Unless of course it is delivered by my super religious , traveled the world spreading the word of God missionary resident. In that case it is meant very seriously. "Have a blessed day" on the other hand for some reason does grate on my nerves a bit, unless it is coming from a minister in which case it should be taken at face value.

But I am in the snow belt, so it's not often heard around here unless it is being used sarcastically or condescendingly. I would imagine if I lived in the southern part of the country where these phrases are more commonly used it wouldn't bother me at all.

Maybe that's my problem -- I'm in the snow belt, and I always hear it as sarcastic.

[amoLucia]

Uh, any 6'2" Marine who drawls M'am" to me is just fine. Just before he drawls "Darlin'" in my ear. Big rig drivers use "Darlin" too.

That's the best use of "M'am" I can think of. Just after "Darlin'".

[E Non Imus, RN]

To be clear not only Christians say that.

You are right, but here in the US, did you ever hear a non-Christian say it?

To be clear, there is a non-zero statistical chance that every oxygen molecule in the room will spontaneously move to the other side of the room and I'll suffocate, but the chances are so small that I don't consider the possibility during my day.

[E Non Imus, RN]

I've lived in the same rural area of the midwest my whole life & grew up as a preacher's kid. However, I do not recall ever hearing "Have a blessed day" from anyone, anywhere, in any circumstance. Suddenly the past few yrs, it seems to be the "in" thing or catch phrase that people around here think they should say.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Many religious people feel the need to announce their particular chosen deity alignment and they think it is a hip way to give people a non-subtle small clue that they are involved in a exclusive club.

Some people are sincere, but even they aren't thinking of how it is received. During the holiday season, I always use, "Happy Holidays" unless they have made some indication of which religion they have chosen. Then, I will use something more specific to what they are celebrating ("Merry Christmas", etc.). That is the first rule of speaking: know your audience. Plus, "blessed day" may not raise anyone's opinion of you. The default in America is to assume that everyone is a self-proclaimed Christian, so chances are nobody is going to think higher of you for announcing your religion. But they may think less of you, even if they chose to be Christian, too. You have a better chance of using something less polarizing and more inclusive.