Quarter life crisis? Young, single, depressed, and bored

barcode120x, RN, NP · Aug 12, 2021

10 hours ago, nurse2bnoob101 said:

I like consistency and stability. I feel like at 30 a lot of your friend group tend to either be in long term relationships or starting families so it gets pretty lonely. Any suggestions on where to live or just general advice to get out of this rut? I feel like a lot of single guys go through this so would love to hear stories or advice.

I feel you my dude. I'm single too and 31, living the part-time life. I have been single for a very long time, and if it wasn't for NP school, I'd probably feel more lonely not having a partner for so long. Aside from, work, sleep, and school/clinicals, I try to stay fit and still hit the gym at least 4 days a week, but aside from that I'm pretty much turtling in my room playing video games or watching some stream. With COVID, it has made it harder (consciously) to go out with friends. While most of my friends are actually my coworkers, many of them don't go out often for similar reasons or are with their significant others and/or families. Fortunately though, my work group is around the same age, but even then not many of us had really hung out outside of work because of the pandemic. Being the only guy on my weekend/team, I tend to get left out on "girls night out" which makes sense, but still gets lonely outside of work. Though at work, all of us always have a blast. Like you, I like stability and consistency which is why I've lived in the same area for so long and have been at the same hospital for 7 years now.

Unfortunately I don't have any dating advice for you as I am in the same boat as you, but definitely find things to keep yourself busy with hobbies. Stay fit and look into physical activities. It's good for the mind and helps with mood and physically, you'll look better. I love the thrill and rush of hitting the next PR or training for it. The "high" you get from doing physical activity is definitely pleasing. I've always been a gamer all my life and there's nothing wrong with getting into video/PC games! I've been interested in shooting as well. My brother owns a few guns and have been to the range a few times in the past, but it might be something in the near future I might pick up. Pre-COVID, travel was a huge thing for me and traveling while single is the best time. It might be more difficult right now, but traveling is still available.

Also, look into your career/education as well. You and I are still young, but think about moving on to get your masters. Do you want to do the same job you're doing right now forever? Once I finished NP school and pass the boards end of this year, I'm hoping that it opens up new opportunities in life (saving for house, investing, dating life). Where you live also ties into your career and future career goals. If you find a similar job in another city, you might just fall into the same predicament, just in a different location. Hope this helps with some life options

gere7404, BSN, RN · Aug 19, 2021

Dude, you’re in a college town. Meet girls or dudes or whatever you’re into on apps and take them out to the nightlife. Also there’s tons of travelers coming to Oregon… volunteer to show them around, you might just convince one to stay.

also start going to the gym, it helps with depression and gives you a sense of accomplishment

Kspeed · Aug 19, 2021

Move to the bigger city and date around. Let them know you not interested in long term or family start up at the 1st date.

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Aug 19, 2021

Agree with the poster above who said think of your masters now while you have no commitments. I did mine when I was already partnered and it can sure put a strain on couple life. Get it done now, it will stand you in good stead.

If that doesn't float your boat take a class in whatever you fancy, learning a new language for example. Take the iniatitive to say "Anybody fancy going for a drink after class?" My experience of these courses is that the groups can become very social, and you pick up a valuable life skill at the same time.

If you're really that love struck, reallly, you youngsters are spoilt for choice these days. There are so many dating sites and apps - have you tried any? Not being funny but when I was young if you weren't meeting dates natuarally your only option was to cruise the bars. You have so many more civilised options open to you today.

And remember 30 is far from old. You're in a very enviable position. You're young, finacially stable and the world is your oyster. Get out there and live life to the full! Maybe getting off nights will improve your chances at sociability???

Love can come from the most unexpected places. I was happily single, just sat my CGFNS with plans to move to the US, loving my singledom, valuing my independence and having a ball playing the field: BOOM, the right person came along and all that went in the bin. 34 years later still together. Don't look for love TOO hard - sometimes people over do it and send out those desparation signals which get them nowhere.

Good luck.

Rainbow_RN, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2021

The grass is probably not greener. I don't have personal experience trying out other places though, so take that with a grain of salt. It's just that I've thought about it a lot, and then I remember that moving to a new place where I don't already have friends would probably make it worse. I guess I'm pretty typical since I am getting my masters degree right now.

I play video games a lot and every 2 weeks I do dungeons and dragons. If you aren't a sporty or gym type, you might enjoy being a nerd like me! You can always go to local events or venues to try to make friends also. Granted, it's covid time so I think everyone feels disconnected and tired. There still may be safe events to go to around you, or bars. I met a good handful of my friends outside school or work by going to a community game night every month. There has to be some stuff that matches your interest. This is kind of goofy also but I know plenty of guys our age who will get tinder or apps just to make friends. And like, you could fall in love with someone accidentally too? It's gonna be OK dude

DannyBoy8, RN · Sep 18, 2021

If you're truly feeling depressed, you could try reaching out to a therapist through work/insurance.

Olivelove20 · Sep 22, 2021

On 8/12/2021 at 4:11 AM, nurse2bnoob101 said:

Not exactly 25 actually turned 30. been a nurse for about 2 years. I live and work in a small college town in Oregon and moved from socal where im originally from for work. The living cost to pay ratio is decent. I am comfortable at my job, its cushy lifestyle but boring. I get treated well here, but don't have much friends here. My life is pretty much just eat, sleep, work and frankly I am bored and depressed. I work night shifts mainly because it pays really well over here and I don't mind it for now. Only goal I have right now is just save my money and invest it.

Debating on if I want to move. If the grass is greener. On one hand I am thinking whether I want to move to a bigger city or to a different state have more things going on and most importantly more dating options. I figure I would be one of those guys who find someone and just settle down start a family. I don't know if I would like to travel nurse as I like consistency and stability. I feel like at 30 a lot of your friend group tend to either be in long term relationships or starting families so it gets pretty lonely. Any suggestions on where to live or just general advice to get out of this rut? I feel like a lot of single guys go through this so would love to hear stories or advice.

Maybe go w/a travel agency before up and moving. Explore some areas of interest then decide. Plus there is major money for travel RN's now.

Csturgen · Oct 2, 2021

I am feeling the very same thing as you. I am 25 living in a small area I grew up in with very few opportunities. I work in a prison as Registered Nurse which is pretty difficult as a young female in a male prison. I feel like I am in a rut here there is no places to go out and meet people. The people I work with are all so miserable and mean so I try to stay to myself. Living in Northern NY there are no bars or places to go to meet people so its difficult. I work come home to my two cats, eat, sleep and do it all over again. It's a little depressing. The area I am in too a lot of young people my age have kids and a husband already. I was thinking of moving to a bigger place to find something I would like to do more and meet people too. Come move to a city with me and we can be friends!