Public Breastfeeding

[MarySunshine]

In a discussion I had with my brother in law today (who is a future nurse!), I learned he is uncomfortable with public breastfeeding unless there is a blanket involved. I know some folks wouldn't even like it with a blanket! I strongly feel that, as nurses, we should be doing what we can to support and advocate for breastfeeding and shed it in a positive light. I couldn't believe that a health care professional would feel differently. Obviously, this is coming from the United States (sigh).

I'm someone that usually works to make people feel comfortable in situations, but if my baby needs to be fed and some guy doesn't like it, well then he doesn't have to look! My baby comes first. That's how I feel about it. Guys will say that we shouldn't expose our breasts because they are too sexual, then agree that breastfeeding isn't sexual, but still say that we should hide it.....I cannot follow the circular reasoning.

I want to raise sons who know that breasts, as sexually appealing as they may be to them when they are older, are made to feed babies. That a uterus carries babies and lady partss birth them. I believe that this gives men a truer, deeper respect for women and for all human beings ... our bodies are not just sex objects! I saw a funny T-shirt that said -- Breasts: Not just for selling cars anymore!

I wanted to see what other nurses thought about this, on a personal level as well as a public health level.

[peds4now, RN]

I'm generally curious here, what do your kids think breasts are for?

Well, my 5 year old asked if he would get breasts someday. He caught me off guard, and I'm like WHAT? He said, "you know, where the baby milks you." So I guess that's what he sees them as being for!

[peds4now, RN]

This is common in many nations where women cover themselves for the sake of mosesty- they have no problem showing the breast if they need to feed. I am reminded of the many beautiful paintings of the Virgin Mary from the Middle Ages which hang in churches all over Europe in which she (like all Chrisian women of centuries past) is covered from head to toe with the only parts exposed being the face, hands, and breast with which she is nursing the Christ Child. Women in those days were expected to keep even their hair covered in public but no one had a problem to attend mass in church with a large image of the Blessed Virgin with her breast exposed hanging over the main altar. We have so sexualised the breast over the past century that I have actually read of a poor South American immigrant being arrested on child abuse charges because her husband took pictures of her breast feeding their child. It seems that an over zealous photo developer turned them into the police who agreed she was forcing the child into a sex act. I promise I'm not making this up. I only wish I could remember where it took place and provide a link to the local newspaper who covered it but it's been a couple of years. Personally, I like to see women nursing in public. I wish more women would do it.

Interesting point, as I am an orthodox Jew and do keep my hair, collarbones, elbows, legs covered at all times-and totally insist on my right to nurse my baby anywhere and anytime!

[StuNurseUP]

My daughter was only a few months old and was crying...before I could get to her my 2 year old son pulled up his shirt and tried to feed his sister:rotfl:

(His father was not amused )

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

My daughter was only a few months old and was crying...before I could get to her my 2 year old son pulled up his shirt and tried to feed his sister:rotfl:

(His father was not amused )

I love this kind of stuff. When kids are little, the way they see the world is awesome. My 4 year old asks me to marry him all the time. My husband thinks it is very cute.

steph

[SmilingBluEyes]

My daughter and son have not seen breasts as anything BUT a food source (well til recently, my son is 13 and I am sure appreciates nice female forms, now, but that is natural----still no big deal is made about public breastfeeding.) It needs to be perceived as normal and natural, not perverse or weird.

[lisamc1RN, LPN]

Yes but perhaps on that day, I didn't WANT them to be educated on it. As a parent I have the right to decide when they learn something, don't I?

There will be many times in our children's lives that we do not get to choose the time our children get an education. When they start asking questions about the world around them, you may not want to discuss that certain issue with them, but as a good parent of course you will. :) Just the other day I had to discuss an issue that happened in public with my children. I didn't get to choose the time of it, but there it was and it had to be discussed. Breastfeeding in public is becoming more and more prevalent as women realize that they should not have to go to the bathroom or hide in their cars to feed their children. IMO, it is far better to simply explain this to the children on their level, with the info they need, and carry on your day. You will be surprised at how adaptable children are and how they take things in stride. :)

[LydiaNN]

There will be many times in our children's lives that we do not get to choose the time our children get an education. When they start asking questions about the world around them, you may not want to discuss that certain issue with them, but as a good parent of course you will. :) Just the other day I had to discuss an issue that happened in public with my children. I didn't get to choose the time of it, but there it was and it had to be discussed. Breastfeeding in public is becoming more and more prevalent as women realize that they should not have to go to the bathroom or hide in their cars to feed their children. IMO, it is far better to simply explain this to the children on their level, with the info they need, and carry on your day. You will be surprised at how adaptable children are and how they take things in stride. :)

And it will also teach your children that their mother doesn't believe she has some special right to dictate what other people do. It is never too early to learn that in life, we all are going to have to deal with many things with which we don't agree, and the only people we can expect to behave in accordance with our personal beliefs is ourselves.

[CuriousMe]

My daughter and son have not seen breasts as anything BUT a food source (well til recently, my son is 13 and I am sure appreciates nice female forms, now, but that is natural----still no big deal is made about public breastfeeding.) It needs to be perceived as normal and natural, not perverse or weird.

My concern is that I shouldn't be telling people how they need to perceive things. Folks get to make that decision all by themselves and until the culture makes the change, why not try and consider that my actions might make someone uncomfortable? (which does nothing to foward my cause)

Peace,

Cathie

[lisamc1RN, LPN]

I agree w/Mercy. Calling them "boobs" really sets the tone here, for the wrong message regarding the natural and normal act of breastfeeding and adds ZERO to the discussion.

I can't understand why we can't separate the issues at all in our country. We heard from a lady in Germany where it's not a problem there---why the HUGE disparity? I just dont' get it and don't get why why we cant' get past this here.

I don't understand it either, Deb. I also don't get the idea that our children would somehow have a difficult time dealing with a mother nursing her baby. I guess I have just been surrounded by too many children who don't blink an eye at a mother nursing her baby (my own included) to think that it is something that HAS to be an issue.

[lisamc1RN, LPN]

And this is where my big, fat "I don't care" comes in. Their discomfort is not my problem. I am a concerned person, I'm a nurse after all. I work hard to be tolerant and not offend anyone. If my children were being loud, or hitting people or anything disruptive or offensive like that I would be embarassed and would promptly fix the situation. I would not stay in a public place with a screaming child for any long period of time -- I'm considerate, after all. But if I am breastfeeding my child and they move their little head and someone catches a glimpse of nipple, and they are offended then I. DON'T. CARE. At some point, you must make the best decision you can for you and yours. You cannot please everyone. There are plenty of things that I find aesthetically unappealing and I don't try to get them banned. My concern is that woman are hearing from folks who think it's "gross" and that is stopping them from breastfeeding. This breastfeeding phobia is nothing short of a public health hazard.

I agree with you. There are breastfeeding mothers who will go out of their way to make someone else feel more comfortable to the extent that they hole themselves up someplace they'd rather not be than feed their child in public. Why are we asking the moms and babies to make this sacrifice? If a person has a problem with breastfeeding in public, let that person do the adjusting! If someone has to get up and leave, why do we expect that it should be the mother and baby?

[TennNurse]

Try and cover up just out of respect for those who we acknowlege as being uncomfortable or having wandering eyes, but if something pops out and someone is staring enough to catch that little glimpse, well big deal. You saw a strangers nipple/cleavage. I am sure you are not ruined for life......if you suspect you are go see a psychiatrist.

And for those moms who rant that they are NOT going to be discreet blah, blah, blah.......that is just about as narrowminded as someone saying you should not be allowed to breast feed in public.

Middle ground is what I seek. Gotta give a little from both sides.

:yeahthat:

Very, very well said. Guess I was listening when my late grandmother used to say that there's very little that plain good manners won't fix- seems to me there is ample room for politeness on both sides of this issue. If discretion while breastfeeding is momentarily difficult, the polite response is to look away.

As a bit of an aside, there is so much rampant sexuality out there now, just for sexuality's sake, that we've all been expected to get used to. Most of the movies I've enjoyed have contained explicit sexuality that did not contribute in the least to the story. Victoria's Secret's TV commercials are, IMO, pretty darn sexual. Throwing a fit about these things in public would likely result in one being called a prude, or worse. But breastfeeding, an entirely natural and necessary function, draws scathing condemnation from some. This does not make sense to me. If you don't want to see too much of a breastfeeding mom, look the other way. I can't think of many instances in which an uninvolved passerby would have no choice but to stare blatantly at a mother's breasts.

Supporters of a mom's right to feed when and where needed (and I am one) can give a little by trying to be as discreet as possible. The public can give a little by looking the other way when "as possible" isn't as much discretion as they'd like.

The same principle of politeness can be applied in nearly every facet of public life. There are plenty of natural processes that I'd just as soon not closely encounter while out in public. Becoming intoxicated, making out, emptying a bladder, loss of temper, plumber's cracks, wearing pants that are low-rise with underwear that isn't, emotional outbursts, BO, to name a few. There's a big difference between rearranging your whole life around the prejudices of others and politely considering how your natural functions will affect those around you.

Good manners and compromise can make the whole breastfeeding issue a non-issue.

[ayndim]

All of this fear of a bare breast has me wondering what on earth is wrong with us (here in the US). Why the big hang up, it is after all a body part and men show their breasts at the beach and pool without issue? Sometimes I miss Europe with their openess (Yes, I have been topless at the beach there). Sheesh folks it is a breast and if it isn't yours that the baby is suckling on then what does it matter. As for kids seeing one, most probably would gladly accept the explanation that the baby is eating. Just like the puppies/kittens/calfs or other animal they relate to eats. Kids surprise you when you have this huge explanation ready and all they really needed to know was that the baby is eating.