Pt's C/O in the ER (funny)

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What are some funny C/O people have had coming into your triage area? Misspelled words too...

We had a lady come in the other night because she ate raw chicken -Claimed she didn't know it was raw.

Lots of people come in with soar throats.

We also had a mom who tried to spell diarrhea several times on the check in -Finally crossed it out and wrote S**Ts a lot.

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"I have green discharge in my underwear"

"My 15 yo has a fever of 100, I'm concerned she isn't drinking much" it was 3 in the morning and he said she was sleeping

"My 8 month old infant has a fever of 100.1, should I bring her to the ER? Nurse-"Have you given her any Tylenol" caller-"No"

"We were having vigorous sex, when I heard a loud pop."-fractured member

" God talks to me, he said I would meet a Nurse and set her on her destined path, and I believe it's you" Patient with family Hx of schizo x's 2 brothers and a bipolar sister

Pt on call light, Nurse- "Can I help you?" Patient- "I farted"

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Specializes in Emergency Room/corrections.

"stomack ak"

"Poison"

"smilin mighty Jesus" (spinal meningitis???)

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Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

" lost the condom"

Well where do you think it is???????

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I have a few...

I accidentally drank peroxide that was on my nightstand instead of water. How much? Why the whole bottle of course. I thought it was water until I turned on the lights.

and..

My heart started beating fast after I smoked crack..

and..

I can't remember if I took my sleeping pill or not, so I took another..and I think I should be checked in case I did..(of course she is not the least bit sleepy)..

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Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

I didnt put any pressure on the cut because I wanted you to see how much it was bleeding

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

"vomicking"

"My heart hurts" (after ingesting cocaine - to keep the cops from getting it!)

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Oh man, Can I identify with this thread!! I'm always amazed at what people will say to us. Here's some of mine:

"The condom got lost" When the nurse carefully explains that the lady parts is a closed tube and not a direct conduit into the center of the body the woman veerrry carrreeefully explains to me that "if it came off his di*k an' it be lef'inside o'me it's gonna get all messed up insidea my guts"...my inclination was to tell her to cough REAL hard and maybe they would find it...

Or the time I was telling a woman on the phone with the same complaint how to do a lady partsl sweep and she keeps repeating each step when I realize SHE is NOT the one doing the sweep...I HATE when I get suckered into being a part of foreplay!! :rolleyes:

My wife has been deployed overseas and I'm getting kind of lonely so when I was whacking off I think I broke that big blood vessel in my member. Nurse: Can you describe what it looks like sir?" Patient: Well it's about nine inches long and about as big around as a big cucumber... :coollook:

"My baby has a rash on his booty". When examined the child has mild diaper rash caused from the diaper being left on for about 3 solid days. Mom was asked if she had tried to treat it and the answer was "No, that's what you people are for!!" ....and our tax dollars too I'm sure...

The amazing thing about this one is that she came in on a Friday night during flu season at about 9pm and she stayed until 1pm the next afternoon when we finally had time to see her and the child. As dumb as this situation was it made me wonder what was so bad at home that staying all night and morning in a big city ER waiting room was a better alternative. My gut instinct was screaming over this one and we referred her down to social work for a consult.

"My child was exposed to the flu" Child is running around like a maniac in the waiting room. Nurse : Has he had a fever or other sx of influenza? Mom: No, but a kid at his school is coughing. Nurse: Has he had his influenza immunization? Mom: No, I can't take off work for him to get no shot (although it's 10am on a weekday and you can take time off to come to the ER) Nurse: Your child appears to be very healthy right now, he's eating cheetoes, does not have a fever, rash, cough, or nasal congestion and he is certainly full of energy. Would you like to take him home and bring him back when he shows signs of illness? Mom: No, I think he needs to see the doctor today, can you give him his next DTP ? ...another shining example of your tax dollars at work...

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People who won't treat a kid's temp because they want ME to see how high it really is.....

"I lost my tampon"......

"I smoked marijuana all day and now I'm dizzy"......

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Oh, and one of my favorites from 7 or 8 years ago was the guy who drank the Vicks for the vaporizer, instead of the Vicks cough syrup. That was a fun lavage. Everyone's nose was running, and that room smelled of menthol for a week.

:rolleyes:

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"Can you start my IV later? My daughter just brought me some chips and a coke." This from an abd pain pt that came in BY AMBULANCE. When I told her I had many other pts to care for, and I needed to get her IV started, she instructed her daughter to "drop the chips in my mouth while she does that."

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Why can't they just say: "I don't want to go to work today...can I have a note?"

I'ld be happy to give them the note and get them the heck out of my ER!!!

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