This thread is along the lines of patient lingo, but I have to share complaints I have heard this week.
Girl comes in and states "I stopped taking my birth control pills 3 days ago and now i'm bleeding".......
Elderly man chief complaint "I had leg cramps last night and now my bowels are locked up"......huh?
Woman with c/o fever. When asked if she had taken anything for the fever.......she replies "I haven't taken any pills, but i've done all the other things you're supposed to do to bring your fever down. I've drank a coke and some unsweetened tea, I smoked a menthol cigarette, and I cried......but just regular tears. I couldn't make any acid tears"...........(did i miss that day in nursing school?)
This really happened to me when I was triage nurse in the ER...I asked the patient what brought him to the ER. His response was..."Whenever I get out in the cold weather, my nipples get hard and erect and ache a little bit"
had patient complaint of increase lady partsl discharge, discribed it as kinda thick and white.says it only happens after intercourse ( s*x) with her boyfriend:)
Had a young woman walk into the ER totally nude, and very red and in severe pain all over
Diagnoses-----cheap husband, he tried to save some money thta she kept using at tanning salons and built a homemade tanning bed for his wife, well it worked way to well because he put tanning lights in that were 6 times stronger than at the saloon,
Cooked his wifes goose
she later cooked his Im sure
Of course I guess they could use as an indoor BBQ grill.
These are very funny stories. here is one for you.
This happened several years ago as I am not in Floor nursing any longer but still in nursing.
You must all understand the pt walked in.
Pt came in for a diagnostic test .
during admission assesment.
Nurse: do you have any history of previous surgeries.
Pt: Yes. I had my neck fussed to my hip.
Nurse: I do not think that that happened.
PT: Yes it did dr fussed the neck to the hip.
Nurse: pt you are ableto walk normally. There is no way you could walk with that type surgery.
PT: that is what the dr. did.
I tried no to laugh and had to leave the room and go to the break room to recompose myself to finish the H&P. Wife also started laughing at what pt said. Fortunately for me pt also started laughing when he realized wha he said. We did clarify the surgery e actually had.
had patient complaint of increase lady partsl discharge, discribed it as kinda thick and white.says it only happens after intercourse ( s*x) with her boyfriend:)
A woman who came through our facility's L and D to have her 5th baby refused to use the bathroom untill she had some Pine-Sol and a scrub brush to clean the toilet.
Apparently she thought you got pregnant off of the toilet and NOT from having sex.....:stone
Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
i swear this is true.... on my own grave
girl comes to the ed - pregnant at age 16 for the third time
so i decide to give the little "dumba$$ why aren't you on bc pills?"
she says - i am allergic - i say - how do you know you are allergic - she says - well they don't work for me - i say how do you know - she says "my mother got pregnant w/ me while she was on them - so she told me to say that i was allergic because they wouldn't work for me either"
gotta love those parents w/ and IQ of 50 procreating all over the place....
i promptly told the young girl that her mother didn't know her butt from a hole in the ground and to get herself to the health department and get some pills.
:banghead:I certainly hope you are right! We called that " a room temperature IQ", but in your case, that may have been too generous!
Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
I asked a woman the other day why she had not given her child anything for the child's fever. Her reply? She didn't want to give her child any medication since she didn't know what was wrong with the child! And she looked at ME like I was the dumbs#$@ for even asking her the question!
Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN
12,126 Posts
Have you been tested lately? Just asking.