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and the problem is..........?

Posted

This thread is along the lines of patient lingo, but I have to share complaints I have heard this week.

Girl comes in and states "I stopped taking my birth control pills 3 days ago and now i'm bleeding".......

Elderly man chief complaint "I had leg cramps last night and now my bowels are locked up"......huh?

Woman with c/o fever. When asked if she had taken anything for the fever.......she replies "I haven't taken any pills, but i've done all the other things you're supposed to do to bring your fever down. I've drank a coke and some unsweetened tea, I smoked a menthol cigarette, and I cried......but just regular tears. I couldn't make any acid tears"...........(did i miss that day in nursing school?)

:chuckle :roll :confused:

How about,

PT I have a fever

Nurse Have you taken anything for it?

PT No, I am allergic to pills.

Nurse What kind of pills are you allergic to?

PT All pills, except the ones that are from the doctor.

HUH????????????????????????

Real conversation about 2 weeks ago.

My personal fave:

'I think when I was cleaning the sink i may have gotten drano on my toothbrush and then I may have brushed my teeth with it."

so symptoms whatsoever

about could not cry acid tears...

1. I hit my head 2 months ago and my brother has diabetes .....so why are you here???

2. While coding a patient, asked the husband "does she have any cardiac history?" he responded "well, i had a MI and now I have a pacemaker...Does that help you?"

i swear this is true.... on my own grave

girl comes to the ed - pregnant at age 16 for the third time

so i decide to give the little "dumba$$ why aren't you on bc pills?"

she says - i am allergic - i say - how do you know you are allergic - she says - well they don't work for me - i say how do you know - she says "my mother got pregnant w/ me while she was on them - so she told me to say that i was allergic because they wouldn't work for me either"

gotta love those parents w/ and IQ of 50 procreating all over the place....

i promptly told the young girl that her mother didn't know her butt from a hole in the ground and to get herself to the health department and get some pills.

Today, man with c/o

"I was sneezed on by a man with lung Cancer and i need to be checked to make sure it ain't catchin"

Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you

This story made my day, esp the last one!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you wonder where some people were when God handed out the brains?:D :D

:D

Ok, this thread sorta proves my point and smiling blue eyes (aka Deb) point about the danger of putting the morning after pill OTC.

:roll

Keep em coming . .

steph.

+

history questionaire

Do you have any allergies?

yeah they bother me all the time I am stuffed up and can't breath and I get the hayfever too

Are you allergic to any medicine?

well I get sleepy when I take benedryl

is there anything else any food allergies

well I don't like vegtables very much and i won't eat spinich or broccoli either one.

Are you on any daily medications?

Well I was taking that one pill but I had to stop because I got a rash.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Originally posted by stevielynn

:D

Ok, this thread sorta proves my point and smiling blue eyes (aka Deb) point about the danger of putting the morning after pill OTC.

Better these people should procreate?

:D

J/K!

These are hysterical!

Originally posted by jadednurse

Better these people should procreate?

:D

J/K!

These are hysterical!

Point taken:D

steph

When I gave a patient the results of their chlamydia/gonorrhea screen, she actually stated, "I'm glad I have chlamydia and not gonorrhea"!!!! Can you believe it?

SmilingBluEyes

Has 20 years experience.

Originally posted by stevielynn

:D

Ok, this thread sorta proves my point and smiling blue eyes (aka Deb) point about the danger of putting the morning after pill OTC.

:roll

Keep em coming . .

steph.

+

OMG STEPH I was thinking the EXACT same thing. GMTA i guess!

some real brains out there eh....

teeituptom, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

Dont even think about it, just gives you gray hair thinking about. I should have stopped thinking about it a long time ago. Now look at me.

nursedawn67, LPN

Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC.

These are so funny! Of course these type of patients are what keeps the day going with a little laughter. Thanks for making my day go with some laughter! :)

Medic946RN

Specializes in Emergency/Critical Care Transport.

My fave answer to the allergies question:

Pt: "I can't take percocet"

Me: "What happens when you take percocet?"

Pt: "Oh! They knock me out!"

Me: "They're supposed to, they're narcotics."

Pt: "Either way, I don't like them."

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